[fijiisland]

I feel as if I just don't care anymore and am so lonely that I don't even reach out to anyone. As soon as I moved in with my parents after I got divorced I stopped sending Xmas cards, I used to reach out to some friends but now I just feel used by them and don't even want to talk to them anymore.

I have some booty call type relationships and I no longer am interested in them. One guy I was practically in love with ( I wanted more but knew he was just using me) He has been texting me and I just ignored him.

another friend (so called friend) I always wanted to go out with. Even if it was somewhere I didnt want to go, I would go anyway because I craved going out and being around people and I had no one else to go with. Now, she keeps trying to get me to go out and I am just ignoring her.

I wanted to date really bad right after I got divorced and actually when I was still married. Now, my mind doesn't even think that I will ever be married again. I feel I am destined to be alone.

Am I just growing up (now that I am in my 40's), am I so lonely that I have given up? the other day I actually felt suicidal. I was tired and worn out and everything was bothering me.

I crave action, friends, travel, parties, etc. but see no future of that. All I see is myself dying alone because I will have no one to help me.

Wow, my life mirrors yours.

Do you have any hobbies or pursuits you are passionate about? Something to get your mind away from those thoughts?

Idle time can really suck.

[mindwrench]

I moved back home when the x and I split nine years ago. Some things you say resonate.