Strange everywhere ...

I've never felt I belong to any place. Not even between my family. I feel that I'm strange to the social life and to this world. I don't understand it. I'm very sensitive to people's reactions that I've ended up avoiding all people. Loneliness, silence and crying are my only friends. People say that they have no friends, but then they say they have one or two friends, or have their families. I have literally no one in my life. I spend sometimes days not opening my mouth to talk except to myself out loud. I feel sometime I'm going crazy. If I died tonight, no one would know about me.

When I go out to see nature and enjoy the weather instead of staying at home hoping I will feel better, I return home even worse because I see everyone with their partners, friends or families laughing, and having fun. It seems very natural to others to be with people and having fun, yet I find it extremely difficult to get along with people and enjoy my life. People seem to like to be around and talk to people, but I keep silent and avoid people when possible. I hate being alone, yet I hate talking to and being around people.

If I died tonight, I wouldn't mind, because I would take a break of this continuous hell called life in which I haven't had one memorable day. That's right, I have no good memory to cherish. From my past I see my future bleak, and this makes me depressed, and not wanting to live and do anything.

I just wanted to write this for someone out there to read it.

Thanks for reading.

Wandering Soul, I read what you wrote and I'm sad that you are feeling this way now.

Hi Wandering Soul. I understand how you feel. I also feel very lonely & wish I had friends & family to do things with. I'm one of those people who claims to have one friend, but the truth is I rarely see this friend except maybe every few years, which really isn't very soul sustaining. It seems that all others gave up on me long ago. It's my own fault. I took them for granted back then & didn't realize how important they would be to me one day. I know the feeling of going out & becoming more depressed after seeing people together. And might as well forget about making new friends, I used to try but nothing ever came of those efforts, so gradually the isolation just grew. Now I'm so inhibited the effort feels monumental. So I just wanted you to know I do commiserate.