I've been working on healing from the trauma of my dad not loving me. I suffer from a digestive disorder that often leads to embarrassing situations, and I actually believe (as did my former therapist) that my childhood trauma is coming through in these symptoms - my dad couldn't love me then, and now I wonder whether anyone could when I have this 'disgusting' condition..

The thing is, I haven't been meeting people halfway. I feel I should be doing everything and anything I possibly can to ensure my condition affects my relationships as little as possible.. But on the contrary, I've let myself get to my lowest point and in a way, am daring people to love me like this..

The other day, I realised that because my dad not loving me felt SO insanely intense, I feel that someone loving me now should be just as intense.. It's like I've learned that everything has to happen in extremes.

But I don't want this anymore. My truest self actually loves peace. I love it when things are easy. I want to do my bit, and then let others do theirs - or not. The ones who don't aren't 'my' people.. But I do want to try and make it a bit easier for people to love me - as easy as possible! Making things hard for myself AND others isn't getting me anywhere, it's just slowly killing me as my life's a mess..

I don't want to keep living in the 'war zone'..

I think that learning to love ourselves is the best first step we can take while navigating our way through the minefield of a loveless childhood ... It's sad how badly it continues to impact our relationship with self and others throughout the rest of our lives ... Wishing you the very best in finding a healthier way to relate!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[MickeyCheeky]

You sound like a very strong and determined person. I admire you for that And I'm sure you can do it! Good luck

[TishaBuv]

I think you've confused your dad not loving you and your digestive issue as related, but they are separate. Or maybe your feelings about your dad contributed to your tying yourself in knots that made the digestive issue worse.

I feel my dad did not really love me, but I forgive him because he was mentally ill and he died when I was 12.

My son has IBS-D and controls it with the Fodmap diet. Have you looked into that? Plus, he has a loving girlfriend who shops and cooks with him, even though he has to adhere to this very strict limited diet.

Thank you for the advice and encouragement!

I'm following the same diet but it hasn't helped much. What little it does do for me is gone the moment an upsetting emotion or situation comes up, which makes me believe this is more a psychological than physical problem..

I'm so happy to hear your son has found a loving partner

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

Thank you for the advice and encouragement!

I'm following the same diet but it hasn't helped much. What little it does do for me is gone the moment an upsetting emotion or situation comes up, which makes me believe this is more a psychological than physical problem..

I'm so happy to hear your son has found a loving partner

You're right about the stress.

He has to completely cook for himself, can't even eat in restaurants or most pre made foods because he can't even have onion or garlic powder!

But he manages and it hasn't hurt his social life. I hope that gives you encouragement.