[kadie2]

I have all these great things going on and great things coming up. I have this big deadline.
But I feel immobile. I feel so anxious inside about everything. I should be in my studio working. Instead I'm frozen. I want to run away. I feel so anxious inside, but taking something for that takes motivation away.
Am I doing this to myself to procrastinate on what I need to be doing?
This isn't new. I get through it. I just feel too stuck to do anything. and I feel alone.
But being alone is what I need to get my work done.
The funny thing is I've been so busy up to this point and all the time I've been busy I'm thinking in the back of my head I need to get into my studio. This is a perfect day. It's beautiful outside and I have time to do what I need to do. Instead I'm frozen and procrastinating and getting nothing done.
Every minute going by doing nothing is adding to this anxiety.
Is this normal procrastination? Or is it part of being bipolar? I'm so tired of fighting this battle with myself.
Thank you for reading this mess.

[winter4me]

Could be either, neither...
Any way that you can make "working hours" for yourself, meaning you "have to" go into the studio...do you usually have a mad-dash to the finish line with deadlines? I know I go through times when I am like that, it works out, usually, but is stressful; other times, I want to be done as soon as possible...
Maybe you have to have meals in the studio, so you at least get your body in...the doing may creep in....
I hate that feeling, not here, not there...
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))

[kadie2]

I did bring an apple out there and I managed a little sketch. It's not enough. I need to get paint on the canvas. I need a good sketch first...It's just not good enough. I ran out of the studio..... Now I see my cousin has called. If I call her back, that's an hour procrastination....
I want to be successful and accomplish this deadline. Good grief, it's just hard.
Thank you for the hug.

[Frankbtl]

Hi kadie,

Just the phrase "big deadline" sounds potentially anxiety provoking, so your "avoidance" sounds understandable
Do you think you could break the project down into smallish, more manageable steps?? e.g. tell yourself you'll do 15 minutes in the studio before a break, and then if you manage more then great, and if not.........hey it's still an achievement, right?? A step nearer??
And just having the "deadline" in your mind could maybe be making it feel a whole lot more pressurised and dampen any spontaneity?? So maybe if you set yourself some schedules just thinking..........I'm going to fit in x hours a day, it'll be easily finished by *date* not deadline??
Just the word deadline can create a feeling of "need to" with much less "want to" and that doesn't always help some people perform to their best.
Plus any way of planning/allocating stages of the work?? So as you can either kick of with some "interesting/fun" bits to get you motivated more or get the less "interesting/fun" bits out of the way first so you have more to look forward to.........if either option may work for you??
And maybe there are certain times of the day you could be more motivated..........so scheduling around those times might help a little??
And maybe give yourself a reward after you've finished x amount of work or in a break.........something small to celebrate another step towards..............??
Or maybe you could add an incentive to being in your studio, like playing music you like..........could ease the loneliness factor just a little in there too??
Just a few thoughts..........

And finally, really pleased for you that you have great things going on and coming up!!

Alison

[kadie2]

Thank you for some great ideas. You're right, I think this deadline is freaking me out..... Little breaks have worked for me in the past. For some reason right now I don't feel I deserve them. I'll do that anyway. I do have a timer I can set. Plus my terminology of "need to" verses "want to". I gotta work on that...I mean I want to work on that.
As much as I don't deal well with schedules, I think it would be good to make one.
I do feel better today though I think cuz I got an early start and didn't put additional pressure on myself to wash my hair and vacuum the house and laundry. Plus I feel more confident with my sketch.
Thank you again....

[winter4me]

You Need---never mind "deserve"

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't have advice to give... but I understand you, I feel almost exactly the same way as you every time I have to do something important

You can do it, I'm sure

[KristenRenee]

Hi there. I just wanted to let you know I understand exactly how you feel. I have felt so much anxiety inside myself that I have become frozen and totally immobile. It is almost like being crippled emotionally and a feeling stuck. But just to let you know you are not abnormal. It is okay to have that feeling we just need to learn what skill to get through it. Good Luck to You.

[LucyG]

I agree with Frankblt. Breaking your task down to manageable segments will relieve a lot of your stress.

Here's something I came across years ago that your situation reminded me of. It was a web site about keeping your house clean, and the one thing they recommended was setting your kitchen timer for say 15 minutes and doing something around the house. It could be putting in a load of laundry, folding laundry, putting away dishes, dusting the living room or whatever. Just do something for 15 minutes until the timer goes off. It's amazing how effective that can be in keeping you from being overwhelmed by tasks.

[Delicious]

Hi there Kadie2, I'm an artist as well and understand perfectly! I'm actually going through the same problem, and have found out a couple of things about it.

Personally, my ability to paint is tied directly with my emotions. I cannot draw, sketch or paint if I'm not experiencing a positive emotion in my life. I have depression, which can make things hard! Could you perhaps be experiencing something like this?

Deadlines also come with their own little gift wrapped box of problems. A feeling of wanting to create something amazing and perfect comes with the fear of messing up, which leads to not trying and procrastinating.

Have you felt that you lost the taste for creating that you had before? Like it doesn't "fill" you as much?

One quick suggestion that helps me out when I'm in a state where I cannot be in the studio is to doodle. Do a tiny doodle every day, it doesn't have to be intricate or perfect, what matters is that you're drawing. Doodle while you have coffee or while having a meal, it'll get your brain in the right mindset to work, and takes away the "I HAVE to" feeling.

Hope this helps!

[June55]

Anxious and overwhelmed I get those feelings too. It's awful sometimes. Hang in there.

[kadie2]

Originally Posted by Delicious

Hi there Kadie2, I'm an artist as well and understand perfectly! I'm actually going through the same problem, and have found out a couple of things about it.

Personally, my ability to paint is tied directly with my emotions. I cannot draw, sketch or paint if I'm not experiencing a positive emotion in my life. I have depression, which can make things hard! Could you perhaps be experiencing something like this?

Deadlines also come with their own little gift wrapped box of problems. A feeling of wanting to create something amazing and perfect comes with the fear of messing up, which leads to not trying and procrastinating.

Have you felt that you lost the taste for creating that you had before? Like it doesn't "fill" you as much?

One quick suggestion that helps me out when I'm in a state where I cannot be in the studio is to doodle. Do a tiny doodle every day, it doesn't have to be intricate or perfect, what matters is that you're drawing. Doodle while you have coffee or while having a meal, it'll get your brain in the right mindset to work, and takes away the "I HAVE to" feeling.

Hope this helps!

That is a great idea! I always think what I draw or paint has to be perfect so I end up doing nothing from fear. To just doodle, It just never occurred to me. I will try that. thank you.