[Rose76]

This afternoon my boyfriend asked me if I had finished working on a project I had mentioned tackling today - a bunch of paperwork. I said that I hadn't even started. Instead I had just been in the bedroom, lying on the bed, resting. He then said, "That's what I figured."

I am pissed off. He seems to be mocking me for not getting more done. He does nothing but watch TV. I am here with him because he has health problems and has been needing a lot of help. I'm getting sick of revolving my life around meeting his needs. The paperwork was stuff for him. He doesn't express much gratitude. He takes me for granted. Then he mocks me for being in a funk and not being very productive.

Now all I want to do is sleep. Next week is my birthday, which I mentioned yesterday. He remembered and said the date. But I bet he won't even do anything for my birthday. I excuse him a lot because he has some dementia. That doesn't explain why he never even thanks me for cooking dinner. He was never big into gratitude, but this is getting ridiculous.

I'm depressed. I've been doing a good job of fighting it off. I made the holidays as nice as I could. Now I'm sliding into a funk. He expresses no affection.

Take you own sweet time with that paperwork! As for dinner, make sure it happens when it is convenient to you as in when you are hungry and were making something for yourself anyways. If his health requires something outside of that, keep it simple (store bought soup, sandwich, salad). I would be so not likely to make homemade casseroles, stews, pies, etc. if I was feeling the way you are. Do whatever you can to not let it get to you. Don't feel guilty about staying in your bedroom alone for a while everyday. It sounds like you need a break from him (I assume his dementia makes it hard?). Can you leave the house and do your own thing for a while everyday also? He can't mock you, if you aren't there.....

[divine1966]

I am sorry it's been tough.

Since you have your own place, after you completed the task of making sure he is clean and fed go to your own place. Come, take care of business, spend some time if you feel like it and then go to your place. I assume you pay rent or mortgage or utilities for a place where you dont even reside because you are in your boyfriends place. I understand it is too late to suggest to just dump him as he is way unwell and that time passed. But you don't need to be there all the time especially since he doesn't even appreciate it. Do what you need to do and leave.

Most care givers cannot provide 24/7 care. They do have lives. So my suggestion is "have a life", take breaks from him

Caregiver burnout is a very real thing.

You do need breaks, they are essential, as others have said try to arrange so this can happen.

Long term are you sure this is what you want? As his dementia progresses things will likely get more difficult.

[MickeyCheeky]

Take some time for yourself and do not worry about what he has to say... you're struggling too, so take as much time as you need to do your work, ok?

[Rose76]

I am going out later, and I will take my time about coming back. Tomorrow I have a nurse's aid coming for 6 hours. She's new, so I will have to orient her. But I will leave for a few hours while she is here.

I definitely need to have a whole day to spend in my own place and maybe even overnight. I have to cobble together some people who can collectively cover a day, so I can get home to where I live (or used to live.) I'ld like to resume living there . . . on some basis or other.

Thanks everyone. I've tried to do a good job. I may have set the bar too high for myself.