When Was The Last Time You Were Angry?

This weekend at my husband. He's been drinking everyday since Thursday, I'm assuming during the day as well as night. My son threw up 3 times Thursday night suddenly and violently. He started choking on his vomit and couldn't breath. I'm cleaning him up and trying to calm him down. I wash the sheets and then went downstairs to let my husband know what's happening.

He's wasted wearing headphones listening to country music about a father who misses his son. I only know this because he has insisted I listen to the lyrics multiple times this weekend even after I remind him he already had me listen. So anyway back to Thursday night. As soon as I see he's wasted I just tell him what happened but we're ok. He starts telling me "itzzzzz ok you can relax down hare, Izz gots it" now there's way in hell Im relaxing while drunk man is watching our sick kid. I try to be nice and tell him we're fine, he should stay downstairs. He starts insisting on 'taking over'.

Anyway my son and I are on the couch because all of the sheets are being washed/dried. My husband gets drunkily down and starts telling my ill son how much he loves him slurring and reeking of alcohol, trying to 'comfort' him but actually doing the exact opposite. I'm grateful he isn't a angry/violet drunk, but he gets weepy and emotional, which probably is scary to a 6 year old.

I'ts like 3am at this point. I keep thinking "how in the hell are you going to be able to work tomorrow? I can't have more than 1-2 drinks without being paranoid about feeling tired the next day." But I say nothing because it just would've escalated into a fight.

So then Saturday I came home from work early so we could go to the end of baseball jamboree. My husband is saying he's sick now and thinks he has what our son had. Also he's drunk but insists it's a bug of some sort. He stays downstairs all day listening to songs being sad/drunk. A good friend was killed about 9 months ago and he gets emotional about it at times which I understand.

At this point I just want to be alone but he starts a bonfire and it took everything in me to stay outside. The kids were having fun but he kept insisting I re-listen to this song. Thankfully some neighbors came over so I went inside to have some alone time.

he has a habit of forcing me to taste/eat something he like even if I say no. He does this with music like this weekend. He will be telling me a really long drawn out work story as I can hear the kids trashing the upstairs and he's oblivious. He will continue to talk even after I walk away. When he realizes I'm gone he gets pissy. I have told him when he takes too long in his stories and I don't have it in me to listen but he says "3 more minute!"! And rambles on for 10 min. I am very aware of other people in conversations I'm in. If someone looks anxious I ask them if they need to go or wrap up what I'm saying quickly. He doesn't care if I'm interested, he isn't looking for a conversation. He's looking for a audience. Sometimes I just hate him. I hate he is a alcoholic. I hate his narcissism. I hate his big stupid fragile ego. His inability to be any sort of rock or help.

I haven't stopped being angry.

On Monday morning, when I started discussing this with my wife.