[symphonicstreak]

I feel that there is no reason to live. i have always felt this way. There is 10x more evil than there is good in this world. even my memories are fading. i cant remember significant events of my life, even as little back as 2 years. i dont remember most of my childhood and teen years. I am only 20 years old. im already bald, and the 2 primary emotions i feel are suicidally depressed, and absolute hatred. Im on effexor and it is not helping me, i feel like its making me worse. I just want to kill myself. its 90% of every thought in my head. im just so tired of it all, i cant even keep myself interested enough to finish this post.

[Gojamadar]

Hi,
20 is a bad age to be depressed. You have so much life to look forward to.
INstead of thinking about your own missfortunes, try thinking about how much good you could do with your life; like helping other people, less fortunate than you.
You have intelligence on your side. Your post indicates that you're reasonably well educated and probably of previlidged background.
Tomorrow when you wake up start with the thoughts: what good could I do today? who could I help or make happy to day?

Im sorry you feel this way… I hope being on PC will help you.

[Thunder Bow]

Call your crisis line for a refferial to a therapist if you feeling this bad. Also see your doctor and have a check up and ask him to refer you to a therapist.

[Sesiley]

I've struggled with that constant thought...and it goes on and on the more you think about it.

It wouldn't hurt to let your doctors know about this and the medicine not helping.

Occupy your mind with some type of entertainment for a little bit like video games or a television show. Focus on what positive things are going on every time you think about something negative. You can change the way you think... and the changes how you feel...

It sounds like depression. I feel your struggle. Just know that you are stronger than your negative thoughts...

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Call your crisis line for a refferial to a therapist if you feeling this bad. Also see your doctor and have a check up and ask him to refer you to a therapist.

I strongly agree that you need to contact a help hotline. Here is a page with tons of them, so pick one that best applies to you and call it.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-...phone-numbers/

[mugwort2]

I think so too you need to contact a hotline or at least a grey line. I'm not trying to be funny. In case you're unfamiliar with them they do exist. They are a line where you can just talk to a friendly, understanding man or woman. They are usually run by fellow people in the MH system. aka MH consumers. I know when I get severely depressed last thing I want to watch is TV shows because I either feel the characters are so much better off than me or the news is so depressing, discouraging. I suspect a med change either changing the dose of the Effexor or adding a med or a new med. OTOH I'm not a doctor so I can only surmise. I do know you need to let your dr know t he effexor isn't that effective for you.

[Kenyaful74]

You aren't alone. Trust me. Find a distraction that interest you. MAKE yourself get out and people watch or socialize. Just remember that you aren't the only one struggling with these thoughts. So you aren't alone. You're here for a reason.

Try not to see the future through the lenses of your past experiences. See it through the lenses of hope. I try this approach. It's not easy, but giving up isn't easy neither.

[MickeyCheeky]

Have you tried calling a hotline? What about a therapist?