[lovlein]

i just hit my awaking about a week ago and instantly was assaulted with flashbacks and pain and also pain for my son my mom is raising him im in the processes of changing that my mom was the narcissistic parent and the worse one well shes doing the same thing to him she did to me im now left with the reality i chose to ignore until now i have many disorders and after reading up on them that's when i came across narcissist personality disorder fit my mom like a glove i now had a answer to the question iv always was asking knowing its a disorder does not make me give her sympathy she has left me in a long life of pain i forgive her for myself nothing more she has turned my son into one and among other things in October i found out every lie she has been telling me since my son was 5 hes 16 now these lies are so horrific basically she brainwashed him severely in November i had a suicide attempt because of all this and my step mom i didn't really know how she tied into this until i read narcissist parent yesterday it was the harsh reality that not only my mom was one my step mom is to i live with my dad and her when i tried to kill myself i was at my worse point in my life i was newly off antiphyscotics that left me numb for the last 7 years i remember falling asleep i prayed to god that if he saved me i would devote my life to him and that's exactly what iv done and im in the best place in life than iv ever been going through a lot of emotions and realization i now see the long hard road to recovery its going to be im not a quitter i want to help others share my life and be there for someone when they need it

You have been through so much. I am glad that you are starting to realize how your mom has effected you; understanding helps us recover. I also attempted during a low point in my life, it was near lethal, I should have been dead and when I survived I found myself thinking there must be a reason I survived. In my case, I sometimes doubt the existence of God but found myself wondering if my survival was some sort of proof of his existence so I can relate to some of the feelings you express here about that. I am sorry about your son, what a painful thing to endure so be gentle to yourself as you recover. Recovery takes longer when you have been negatively effected by family members (especially parents) or if you feel any guilt in regards to what happened to your son. However, your determination and self reflection will help you with this!