[TishaBuv]

Hiding in my car until the program starts. Can't deal with the room full of 250 women. Awkward conversation. I'm so uncomfortable with this. I found an old Lyrica in my car and am going to take it.

[TishaBuv]

I feel like saying I have an emergency and going home.

[TishaBuv]

This is why I can't ever really get anywhere. It's another motivational speaker whose true motive is getting money from us. I don't want to be here.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

This is why I can't ever really get anywhere. It's another motivational speaker whose true motive is getting money from us. I don't want to be here.

I hope your company paid for this and not you. If you paid; it's a message from your subconscious that you are being used.....

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry, Tisha. If you don't trust him, can you fire him? I understand your anxiety

Hi TishaBuv, is this something required for work? Hugs.

[TishaBuv]

OMG, I did an 'exit, stage left' and high tailed it out of there!

I'm glad I did. I really didn't want to be there. I called my mom, and she said I should leave, too.

This was a fundraiser for a great cause, but I feel like I gave already and just am not that into it anymore.

Yes, this is really about my 'don't fit in' feelings. Maybe I just don't want to fit in.

I'm proud of myself when I listen to my gut. I don't care how I look to them.

I find I get volunteered to help at various functions a lot. I guess saying no is something I find difficult to do. I am always incredibly anxious as these things get closer and even have an anxiety 'moment' immediately before they begin.

How do I manage?

I pull out a catastrophic thinking worksheet (CBT - you can find these on the internet) just prior to the event. I also let the event organizer know I am anxious - I have always had a great deal of understanding. I take along a coping tool or visualize them. I speak of things like a worry stone or something else tactile - even running my fingers down the side seam of my jeans helps or putting a free hand in my pocket. I also imagine a weight on my shoulder which is comforting to me.

I have another tool that helps...

I use beans but anything small like pennies will do. I place them first in my right hand pocket. As the worrying thoughts happen I transfer a bean to my left hand pocket. But I look for positive things and acknowledge them by returning them to my right pocket. The goal is to end up with them all back in the right hand side by the event's end.

[TishaBuv]

I feel a little bad that I cut out on the event. But I like trusting my gut.

Today, I decided that I don't have the personality to always be shmoozing with the intent of selling. I don't like it. It goes against my morals, honestly.

So I decided to focus more on other ways to do business.

There was another thread about being a genius. This thinking is where I am proud of myself. If there is something I don't want to do, I will figure a way around it, and usually find another path that is even more rewarding.

[TishaBuv]

I lied to cut out on the event, saying my mom went to the ER. Interestingly, my so-called friend did not call me to see why I left or if my mom was ok. That means, I am not on her mind whatsoever or she thinks I lied to leave (which I did) and is mad at me.

Frankly, it was her attitude that started me feeling bad about the whole thing. It was also her who actually called me a ****** when we were on this holy, life-changing trip to Israel and made me cry because I asked her to stop telling me where to stand.

She is just a horrible person. I'm not going to see her anymore.

[TishaBuv]

This woman is a yappy little dog. She called me as I was getting ready to go to the event and asked if I was there yet. She was just on her way, but said that I was already supposed to be there to set up three hours before the event. This was never discussed before with me, I wasn't even on the event committee. She made it sound like it was expected of me. So, I already felt put off when I got there and she gave me a dirty look. Plus, if she was supposed to be there three hours early, she was not there until just before the event started!

The only reason these women put up with her is because they are extremely religious and are not allowed to bad mouth anyone and gossip.

Everyone else in town can't stand her. She made such enemies of 'the Italians', they were ready to off her.

She brought me into this whole group of women.

I have never been part of any large group of women. I have always had a small group of girlfriends or individual gf's.

The anxiety went back to the bullying experience I had in elementary school. No, these women weren't bullies. I'm sure they were nice mostly.

I can't believe I freaked out.