[DechanDawa]

How do you both honor feelings but not let them overpower you?

Do you use DBT techniques?

I am not on medication and don't intend to go on it. I assume it is one good way to be able to function.

I try to restrain my emotions. But I think they leak out. I think anger leaked out at my job and caused me to mishandle things and I ended up terminated.

I am coming out of a long period of isolation. I think I am having trouble with handling my emotions while trying to become functional in the real world.

Any suggestions on how you handle extreme emotion would be appreciated.

[unaluna]

Yeah its that leakiness that scares people and has gotten me fired more than once. I think i finally fixed my leakiness thru long term psychotherapy and staying on medication, but im retirement age now and dont really plan to test it. I know im still not that great in sticky situations. Im a little better - im not as fearful of authority as i used to be. That was one of my deep down issues - nobody having my back.

[Skeezyks]

Hi Dechan: Well... as you know... I'm a "student", so to speak, of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. I'm currently re-reading her first (I believe) book Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living. (I've read & re-read it over the years.) I'm really trying, as best I can, to really focus on putting the Lojong teachings into practice.

I struggle with a lot of difficult emotions: anger, confusion, sadness, humiliation, passive suicidality (sometimes not so passive...) I also find myself experiencing little waves of paranoia from time-to-time. (I've made two serious, if unsuccessful, attempts so far to terminate my existence. So this is serious business for me.) I try to open to each experience, feel it as fully as possible, breathe into it, perhaps smile to it, & allow it to fade of its own accord. I practice "compassionate abiding", "transmutation practice" & tonglen (taking in & sending out.) I'm not on med's & I've never found a therapist who was worth the bother for me. So I have cast my lot with Ani Pema lock, stock & barrel... as the saying goes.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hi Dechan: Well... as you know... I'm a "student", so to speak, of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. I'm currently re-reading her first (I believe) book Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living. (I've read & re-read it over the years.) I'm really trying, as best I can, to really focus on putting the Lojong teachings into practice.

I struggle with a lot of difficult emotions: anger, confusion, sadness, humiliation, passive suicidality (sometimes not so passive...) I also find myself experiencing little waves of paranoia from time-to-time. (I've made two serious, if unsuccessful, attempts so far to terminate my existence. So this is serious business for me.) I try to open to each experience, feel it as fully as possible, breathe into it, perhaps smile to it, & allow it to fade of its own accord. I practice "compassionate abiding", "transmutation practice" & tonglen (taking in & sending out.) I'm not on med's & I've never found a therapist who was worth the bother for me. So I have cast my lot with Ani Pema lock, stock & barrel... as the saying goes.

I am a Pema fan. She had anger issues around her divorce and as I recall she threw things a lot. She also left teenage children to go become a nun and basically also left the rugged and real world of nasty type work, bills, car payments and the like. I have seen her on retreats walking in the forest. So serene. But she is on retreat.

HOWEVER...having said all this I could go back and read some Mahayana stuff.

Or maybe I will write to Pema and see if she answers.

[DechanDawa]

Ever since I lost my job I have been crying. I went to my place of work to say goodbye to a co-worker and to an assistant manager I liked. He called me "gentle lady" (he is from the south and very formal) and it made me cry more. I will miss him. At the same time I think that out of all the assistant managers and managers no one had my back. So that's why I am crying. It is a feeling of not belonging...and being pushed out.

I never cry so emotions are definitely leaking out.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yeah its that leakiness that scares people and has gotten me fired more than once. I think i finally fixed my leakiness thru long term psychotherapy and staying on medication, but im retirement age now and dont really plan to test it. I know im still not that great in sticky situations. Im a little better - im not as fearful of authority as i used to be. That was one of my deep down issues - nobody having my back.

Hmm. Interesting. I could be considered retirement age but I have to work. I will have to be brutally honest (since you were) and confess I had one "exchange" one day with the head manager in my department where some anger "leaked" out and I thought to myself, "You sunk your ship. You're a goner." And sure enough, some information I gathered from talking to other assistant managers lead me to believe this was the incident that got me fired.

Looking back it seems like my mouth opened and stuff came out almost without my ability to stop it. We were in a situation where he was blaming new trainees for some stuff in the department...to another higher up person...and I heard my name. I was sick and tired of being scapegoated so I spoke up and said I was not responsible for the error. It was a terrible thing talking to him like that in front of one of his equals. But I thought it was really low of him to not protect his own.

I was hoping he would come privately and talk to me but he never did. I could have gone to him and apologized but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He is not a person I respect and I have no idea how he became a manager. I am sure he got me fired and he was too much of a coward to tell me himself and got an HR person to do it.

I definitely think at some point psychotherapy might help me. But I also have a big mouth. It always gets me in trouble. I think it is directly connected to my id.

I am not sure about whether DBT or CBT would be best.

DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) is intended for those with personality disorders. CBT (cognative Behaviour therapy) is more appropriate for mood disorders.

Personally I found the CBT to help. I admit though I have fallen off of late and it has been a bit disasterous having done so. These therapies while designed for a 3 month course (usually) should become a life's practise. This last week I have hauled out some of the worksheets again and it is helping.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry about your situation Are you in therapy right now? Maybe that could help..

[Thunder Bow]

I think it may have been good to lose that job. It seems that working there was not a good fit for you, wrong kind of people there for you. Look at this situation as a new start and a new adventure for you, that will lead to working with better people.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I am not sure about whether DBT or CBT would be best.

DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) is intended for those with personality disorders. CBT (cognative Behaviour therapy) is more appropriate for mood disorders.

Personally I found the CBT to help. I admit though I have fallen off of late and it has been a bit disasterous having done so. Th
ese therapies while designed for a 3 month course (usually) should become a life's practise. This last week I have hauled out some of the worksheets again and it is helping.

It is true that DBT was started to help those with bpd but it has become mainstream now and you can choose from several workbooks sold at Barnes & Nobel or Amazon.com. I have the DBT workbook that Marsha Linehan created. Marsha Linehan did say that she thought it might not be as effective with those suffering from depression. However, I think it can be helpful when coming out of depression and having real life anxieties as so much of DBT is about strengthening coping skills.

Sometimes CBT helps and sometimes not. I have known about CBT for over 15 years and it too has become mainstream. I think CBT is best when working with a therapist. It is really difficult to find one who does it well. I only found one therapist years ago who advertised that she did CBT therapy and she did not really know how to do CBT.

Of the two I find that DBT offers more in the way of coping with extreme emotions.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

I think it may have been good to lose that job. It seems that working there was not a good fit for you, wrong kind of people there for you. Look at this situation as a new start and a new adventure for you, that will lead to working with better people.

Thank you, Thunder Bow. It is difficult to see losing it as positive because of being afraid of the future. My task now is to stay strong. I trust you, and I will remember this comment.

Is it possible that you have a nutritional imbalance? Even if your diet is balanced now, you could still indeed be deficient.

Or on the other hand, you could be "toxic" when it comes to the levels of certain nutrients.

I started supplementing with vitamins/minerals and other supplements and my health has improved.

L-glutamine has helped overall with my anxiety.

On the flip side, my copper levels are too high, and copper is known to be an agitating metal. I can't have anything with copper in it, especially not soy. If I eat soy, my agitation levels go through the roof.

Its good to look into supplements because they're on a while other level than drugs. Drugs only potentially "fix" a few imbalances in the brain. Supplements on the other hand put our bodies back in balance to where the should be. And, after time, you may not even need the supplements anymore once your body is more in balance.

Good luck!

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by GoldenWaves

Is it possible that you have a nutritional imbalance? Even if your diet is balanced now, you could still indeed be deficient.

Or on the other hand, you could be "toxic" when it comes to the levels of certain nutrients.

I started supplementing with vitamins/minerals and other supplements and my health has improved.

L-glutamine has helped overall with my anxiety.

On the flip side, my copper levels are too high, and copper is known to be an agitating metal. I can't have anything with copper in it, especially not soy. If I eat soy, my agitation levels go through the roof.

Its good to look into supplements because they're on a while other level than drugs. Drugs only potentially "fix" a few imbalances in the brain. Supplements on the other hand put our bodies back in balance to where the should be. And, after time, you may not even need the supplements anymore once your body is more in balance.

Good luck!

Well, that is very interesting because when I started this stressful job I started eating a lot of junk food after four months on a totally clean diet. Wow. I don't know about all the levels of minerals and other stuff you talked about. I don''t eat "seen" soy but I may have been ingesting "hidden" soy without knowing it as maybe it is in junk food?
I think I will go back to a clean diet for another four months and see what happens. Thanks. It could be the job caused so much stress is was burning up nutrients. I probably should immediately start taking a multi-vit with the proper amount of the B complex vits. (I don't take any psych meds and don't intend to start.)

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Well, that is very interesting because when I started this stressful job I started eating a lot of junk food after four months on a totally clean diet. Wow. I don't know about all the levels of minerals and other stuff you talked about. I don''t eat "seen" soy but I may have been ingesting "hidden" soy without knowing it as maybe it is in junk food?
I think I will go back to a clean diet for another four months and see what happens. Thanks. It could be the job caused so much stress is was burning up nutrients. I probably should immediately start taking a multi-vit with the proper amount of the B complex vits. (I don't take any psych meds and don't intend to start.)

I think that eating clean could really help! My diet took a nosedive over the holidays and I'm just now trying to get back on track. I know I feel a lot better when I'm not eating so much junk.

Do you read nutritional labels? I know it can be a hard habit to get into, and there's so much to learn, but it really can help with finding those "hidden" things that we don't want to eat, especially when it comes to things like soy. I know a lot of labels have a bold statement at the bottom such as "Contains Wheat, Soy" (etc), but I know personally that there are additives that I want to avoid that are sometimes listed under quite a few different names. Reading those labels makes my head spin, and I know that the bad things do sneak into my diet. Anymore I think the way to go is to just eat less and less processed food if at all possible.

When it comes to soy, I avoid soy protein (I've found that its the worst soy culprit for me), and I prefer to not eat soybean oil. I can get away with soy lecithin but I think its only because its usually used in such small amounts and is always near the end of the ingredient label. Its not so hard to avoid the soy protein, but soy lecithin is in everything it seems!

B vitamins can really help with stress levels. I've also found that magnesium and zinc help as well. I don't blame you for not wanting to take psych meds. I think if we can go without them, then all the better. I have a few that I only take as needed. (One is taken maybe a few times a year, the other a few times a month...I wish I didn't need it though.) Good luck!

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by GoldenWaves

I think that eating clean could really help! My diet took a nosedive over the holidays and I'm just now trying to get back on track. I know I feel a lot better when I'm not eating so much junk.

Do you read nutritional labels? I know it can be a hard habit to get into, and there's so much to learn, but it really can help with finding those "hidden" things that we don't want to eat, especially when it comes to things like soy. I know a lot of labels have a bold statement at the bottom such as "Contains Wheat, Soy" (etc), but I know personally that there are additives that I want to avoid that are sometimes listed under quite a few different names. Reading those labels makes my head spin, and I know that the bad things do sneak into my diet. Anymore I think the way to go is to just eat less and less processed food if at all possible.

When it comes to soy, I avoid soy protein (I've found that its the worst soy culprit for me), and I prefer to not eat soybean oil. I can get away with soy lecithin but I think its only because its usually used in such small amounts and is always near the end of the ingredient label. Its not so hard to avoid the soy protein, but soy lecithin is in everything it seems!

B vitamins can really help with stress levels. I've also found that magnesium and zinc help as well. I don't blame you for not wanting to take psych meds. I think if we can go without them, then all the better. I have a few that I only take as needed. (One is taken maybe a few times a year, the other a few times a month...I wish I didn't need it though.) Good luck!

Yes, when I went on a totally clean diet I started reading labels. It is a shock. I had to stop eating all condiments because I was trying to avoid refined sugar and everything processed contains cane sugar or corn syrup. By the end of four months I was hardly eating any processed foods. I had blood tests done and I had brought things like glucose levels into balance. Then I fell off the wagon. Literally. I started to eat carelessly because I was stressed out, working a lot of odd hours, not cooking at home etc. I started grabbing food on the go and that's when junk food reigns!
Your comments are timely. I now have a frig filled with organic veggies, salad and other clean non-processed organic foods. I think this time around I am even going to go with organic coffee. You are right on about the magnesium and zinc. I had stocked up on all these supplements and was taking them. That job must have been toxic because it did not support a healthy lifestyle. I am going to look for a better job and get back on track with nutritional support. I think you are absolutely right on with the nutritional support information. Thanks,

You're welcome!

I like recommending a healthy diet to people because in today's age, it seems like docs are so quick to put us on drugs or say we need endless therapy, when the truth is that sometimes our bodies get a little out of whack and all we need is a nutritional "reset". I'm personally amazed at how much better I feel when I'm taking the right supplements and eating clean. I know that at least in my case, diet has been just as powerful a force in my health as many of the other things docs have tried to force upon me. I really wish our health system would encourage patients to get back to the basics of staying/being healthy.