[KLaz]

I have friends. Well I thought I did. That's all weird and I don't know who to trust so I deleted over 70 fb 'friends' even some real life friends. Isolated even more but happier in a way. Just a lot of pressure on my husband as I don't/can't leave the house. I get lonely. Earlier this week I thought I was invited to go out with a girlfriend. I told her I'd get back to her today to confirm. I contacted her but got no response. That's what I'm tired of. Trying to make plans and when the time comes I get left out. Or forgotten and ignored. So on a night like tonight when I was potentially going out to occupy my mind while my husband is out on work calls. Doesn't help my fear of rejection, abandonment and insecurity issues much no does it?

[DechanDawa]

The title says it all. Develop a thicker skin, maybe? I have a very old friend who will always disappoint me if I expect more from her than she is able to give. Yes, she gives a lot more to her family or friends she's trying to impress. But that's her, not me. Most people are heavily invested in their own agenda. Lately am trying not to dwell on these things. Actually it puts me more at peace. Give more, expect less, detach a little. I don't know. I am trying these things but I tend to get clingy and demanding in friendships, I guess. I don't know. Have been kind of off friends for a few years.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to your feelings.. I feel lonely and rejected as well I'm sorry.

No way.. I have given up my friends too. And you know what? I have never been happier. I realized that Facebook friends put limits on me because I couldn't talk about this or that, but they were useless. They weren't real friends. I couldn't "do" anything with them. They wouldn't show up if I feel down or something so why was I waisting energy on them?

Then I decided that anyone who invited me to anything had to be someone who took the time to consider if I would really like it... in other words... they had not to be using me.

I don't even have a husband. But I am happy to watch movies and decorate my home and work on me. I remember in the 1980s that was the way it was... without e-mail and social networking and stuff, we just had 1 or 2 friends who valued us and then we lost our way.

I thought I would be lonely but I realized how much being with others who didn't value me was lonely.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Then I decided that anyone who invited me to anything had to be someone who took the time to consider if I would really like it... in other words... they had not to be using me.

I agree with this. I have anxiety but I also crave meaningful friendships. However I found when I was paranoid and suspicious, I didn't make any meaningful friendships - as I wasn't being a friend myself.

Once I opened up more to the people around me, the people became more open with me. And we talked more, hung out more, and eventually became really close.

Of course it's all circumstantial. But finding like-minded people with similar interests, and then taking a shot with them..? You never know. It's worth a try.

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

You never know. It's worth a try.

People say such things but I really wonder why it is worth a try. I have been around the block and opening myself up, in the last 10 years, has just lead to unspeakable selfishness.

I joined my condo's board. I was convinced that I had to do newsletters and the minutes of the meeting. This was a ton of work. And I only really did this for friends where I lived. What happened... after I left the board.. no one does the newsletter OR the minutes, and the trustees must have talked crud about me because my neighbors all I like I am a child molester.

I just think that in the last 10 years people have gotten very selfish. And thus, a great way to be miserable is to try to befriend them. Work on yourself.. be your own best friend... that is the thing that is worth a try.

Today I went to my hair lady. I would not call her a friend but probably as close as I get. I was just stunned that she talked non stop about her the entire 20 minutes. WOW. I mean not a break at all. I didn't even get a word in edgewise. And, if anyone should have been talking in that situation it should the been me. I didn't have to concentrate. I actually felt like the air was leaving the room. Doesn't she ever think she has been taking too long? I always think about that when I have been talking. And after all that... I got the pleasure of paying her for a half *** service (because she was talking) and she got an ear to spew at.

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Today I went to my hair lady. I would not call her a friend but probably as close as I get. I was just stunned that she talked non stop about her the entire 20 minutes. WOW. I mean not a break at all. I didn't even get a word in edgewise. And, if anyone should have been talking in that situation it should the been me. I didn't have to concentrate. I actually felt like the air was leaving the room. Doesn't she ever think she has been taking too long? I always think about that when I have been talking. And after all that... I got the pleasure of paying her for a half *** service (because she was talking) and she got an ear to spew at.

Whether we like or not, the world is a collection of selfish people with mutual interests. people like to talk, well most people do, so they meet and talk mostly about themselves and usually compete with each others to take the whole attention. Of course you hear all the time people saying to you get interested in people, but the question is why should I get interested in people while they get interested in themselves? In my view, the only way in this world is to use others for your own ends while others use you for theirs. Sounds very bad when writing it, but it is the way it is. I'm out of this game, though

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

but the question is why should I get interested in people while they get interested in themselves? In my view, the only way in this world is to use others for your own ends while others use you for theirs. Sounds very bad when writing it, but it is the way it is. I'm out of this game, though

I am no longer stunned by using people... pretty used to it... but now, I am taken aback at how people just - take take take. It has really gotten bad. I do feel like people flat out don't want to hear me speak.

My boss even has a super bad habit of calling me up and "monologging" and I don't think I can tell him... but he will ask a question and never let you answer.. literally going around and around arguing points to himself and when you start talking - talking RIGHT OVER YOU... and not even realizing. I wish there was some way I could tell him because he has to deal with the public and i am sure that is going to hurt. But I am stunned at how he doesn't seem to realize he is doing ALL the talking.

IMHO just better not to try anymore or look for people who might be willing to listen, but they are getting fewer and fewer.