Adoption

I find it so annoying how after people find out your adopted automatically feel sorry and start giving you sympathy looks. I guess they just assume i was born on the streets and abandoned (like i was abandoned) but that doesnt mean im any different then them. And like i really "miss" my birth parents or anything. I feel like i could never adopt a kid because i wouldnt want to put them through what i had to go through every single time someone asks you where your born… and then you have to explain, everybody feeling sorry for you, wondering, and not feeling like you belong. But i feel like i would also do it just to spite my adoptive mother. To show her that it IS possible to love a child who may not be technically "yours."

You're right, there are lots of people who make tons of assumptions. However, I don't think they're doing it to be mean - that's probably just the first reaction a lot of people have. Still, don't worry about what other people think of you, you have to be happy with yourself first

Thank you Mickey. And i know most of them arent being mean… It does get a little annoying though.

I'm sure not all people are that way. I would suggest it has a lot to do with the manner in which the information came up into conversation. I have reacted that way I admit but in hindsight I felt that reaction was part of the direction in which the conversation was already going. There have been plenty of other times where I have learned this of someone and it has completely passed me by.

What if you were to ask the individual(s) why they would assume such?

Hi DaX,

I can't deny that there can be those kinds of assumptions out there........that adopted means "sympathy" but, you know, it can go the other way too..........I'd say that sometimes people will come across that way because they feel it's expected of them, or out of "politeness", whereas some of those people may be secretly thinking to themselves "I wonder if my life could have been better if I was adopted......." or "I really wish I was adopted"...........I guess it's what you do/want to do with people's responses that can help shape their views about you, and it can, to a point, be your decision on how you want them to see you.
For some people you might want to just brush it off saying that "Yes, it's OK it's cool, I now have x sisters and brothers......." and then change the subject........for other people you might actually want them to know that........you wish you could have chosen who you were adopted by............share some of that......and hopefully, if they're the right people have that "sympathy" turn to empathy...........maybe.........

But if you were to adopt..........with the empathy and sensitivity you have........that child might not get the "sympathy" for that long , every chance some other children with their biological parents will be looking at them wishing they had had a parent like you

But don't come to adopting to spite your mother........you take the time to decide what's right for you, she has had more control in your life than she's ever had the right to have........so every opportunity you have try to release yourself from that control and live for you, in the way you deep down want to live...........whether that's adopting or not.........you don't need to prove anything to her, let your life be your own.........and we know that it IS possible to love a child who may not be technically "yours."and we know that you deserved that love........if she ever had any love to give that is

Alison

I know what you're referring to, the tone of a conversation can change in a microsecond after someone finds out. I do have long lasting issues due to it and other reasons, however like you i wish people wouldn't automatically switch.

If anything it's likely made me a stronger (if slightly broken) person then i would otherwise have been.

I wonder if you could avoid going into it when the specific people who are asking are not those you wish to share with.

Hi thank you so much for your long and thought out reply! (Sorry it took me so long to get back to you...)

But if you read this i realize that i do need to start living for myself.

-Take care!