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#1
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I am going to be 30 this year - and I am just a lost cause.
My mind currently has these problems on its plate: I work at a job - and I am beginning to "jump ship" (business is starting to go down badly) - so I am a bit nervous and trying to fix the problem by getting another job - and I am beginning to realize why I hate the job hunt. It is soul crushing, you need x amount of years experience wise, you need 3-5 different certificates and degrees, and if you do get a phonecall for an interview they say we will call and let you know, leaving you out in the cold of rejection and having to look for another job!!!! I hate myself sexually - more importantly what turns me on sexually. Vanilla sex just doesn't do it (normal sex between man and woman) now it is basically extreme, wtf? am I looking at - kind of porn (e.g. Alot of hentai, lots of messed up roleplaying roles with horrible situations at hand (like incest, rape, and other disturbing scenes that I would never act out in real life)) and after I finish I just hate myself swaring I will never look at this again....but give it 2 weeks and I am back at it again hating myself even more. I question myself - why the ***** am I here, life is pointless - my life is about 1/2 to 1/3 over and I haven't done anything with it - and in 300 years nobody will even know who I am or care, amongst with the rest of humanity that is alive at this point and time so why the hell is anyone alive for that matter? I have lost all joy of life and frankly (I am not suicidal death actually terrifies me) I am waiting to just die. I think the ideal fix would be to get a high paying stable job (I have an associates degree in I.T.), go see a psychiatrist and get good drugs such as luvox and everything would be "okay" or atleast better, but that first step seems so difficult, at times I wish I could just win the lottery and reinvest my winnings so I wouldn't have to put up with the damn work life. I feel miserable most of the time in my life and don't know what to do except keep plugging away, I am considering getting my resume rewritten professionally - and 'try' my luck by putting it on indeed and monster Any help or advice? |
![]() Skeezyks
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#2
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Hello voncloft: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time.
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__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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