[Hobbit House]

My 20 year old daughter called me last week saying she needed to talk to me in person so my wife and I made plans to visit her in North Carolina. We live in Virginia. Well, we get down there and she proceeds to tell me that she has been doing heroin, her husband, who was already on probation got arrested for dealing heroin, her son was removed from her due to child neglect and endangerment and is a ward of the state. She got charged with possession and has probation. My ex and I separated when she was 4 years old and she lived with me until she was ready to start school. Since then she lived with her mom. We visited as much as we could and talked on the phone at least once a week. Gradually when she turned into a teenager she began to become out of control in spite of anything we could do. She was pregnant at 16... married at 17, and (her mother signed the papers) and now this.... in spite of it all we still want to try to help her. No money of course! But she now has a 90 day drug rehab center to go to. Parenting classes by court order and AA and NA classes to take. We are doing our best but I still feel like a failure and it's my fault because I wasn't there. I am in in that bad place right now. I could use some help.

[Thunder Bow]

I assume you are also in Therapy. Best to be honest and not judgemental on yourself or her. Look at your childhood as well.

[MickeyCheeky]

Big hugs to you, hope you'll be able to get through this situation

[Fuzzybear]

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

I assume you are also in Therapy. Best to be honest and not judgemental on yourself or her. Look at your childhood as well.

Yes, I had a difficult childhood and certainly wasn't a saint...but I hoped for better for her. Yes I'm in therapy.

[Nevernomore]

Sometimes no matter how hard we try as parents these things happen . Its good that your willing to help her through this because your love and support will be desperately needed . Take care and keep us posted.

[QueenCopper]

(((hugs))) I hope your daughter will get the help she needs. This is not your fault. Unfortunately this is a decision made by her. I know adults who were raised in a home with both parents working, very supportive parents, children did not want for anything and did not need anything but are addicted to drugs or alcohol. I also know people that were alcoholics, only had one parent in the home but their children are well established, very grounded adults. My point is not to compare but to let you know that just she took a different path does not mean it is your fault. You cannot be held accountable for the decisions your daughter makes. I really wish the best for you and your family.

[Unrigged64072835]

My daughter was a hellion in her teenage years. Now that she has a job and is in college she has straightened out quite a bit. Young people can have problems with their decisions because the prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed. Your daughter has a lot to do to make her life and her child's life better. You're not accountable for her behavior--you did the best you could given the circumstances. You're trying to be there for her now and that's good.

Originally Posted by Nevernomore

Sometimes no matter how hard we try as parents these things happen . Its good that your willing to help her through this because your love and support will be desperately needed . Take care and keep us posted.

I echo this. We could be the best parents but how our children turn out is in the end out of our control. I am sure you did the best you could at the time. Remember, no one made her do this. This is all of her own choosing.

[Hobbit House]

Thanks for all the support.... I really appreciate all your comments. She says she's trying her best but her circle of friends has to change I think before her behavior will change. I'm hoping for the best.