[MtnTime2896]

I mean, think about it, you loathe this person. You detest their every trait and everything they have to "offer". So, in helping them, you hurt yourself because your hatred only increases your already existing pain. After all, pain hurts you more than who it's towards, right?

But...what if the person you hate looks at you in the mirror every morning? What if that smug mother-****er is the one who needs you but you can only ever wish upon their demise? I'm not talking "low self-esteem". You're not just "down on yourself". You despise this ***** in your reflection and you have for longer than you can remember.

How they hell do you even begin to care enough to lift a finger to stop their deterioration?

I think in that case it might be productive to look at why you feel this way about yourself.

Look at the evidence behind the emotions - because quite often emotions can be unrelated to fact.

[Artchic528]

I would seek a T to explore why you feel your reflection is "smug mother-****er"

[MickeyCheeky]

Yeah, I think it's important to analyze the reasons why you might hate someone. Not easy, I understand

[whisperingskye]

I don't have the answer, am in a similar position.

Sometimes I hate myself less, but it is rarely enough to actually help myself. The problem I have is I don't actually know why I hate myself quite so much. And whenever therapists/doctors have asked me I don't actually have an answer.

A pdoc (who I try to forget most of the time) asked me if I had killed someone and just never told anyone. A genuine question. Apparently that's the only logical reason for me hating myself?

Just hugs to you. I'm here for you

[Fuzzybear]

Just sending hugs (I don't have an answer )

A former therapist I try (but often fail) to forget said something extraordinarily unhelpful ... kinda along the lines of the shrink above grrrrr

[jacky8807]

I feel like (in my opinion) self hatred is created in childhood/adolescent years. We weren't born into this world hating ourselves
Even knowing the cause brings no solution. It gets so ingrained in us it colors our very being

Guess the only answer is to break the handcuffs of the past

I think when we hate ourselves, hopefully temporarily, we need some external help, until we start to love ourselves (again).

[Bill3]

Suppose that you hated some other person but you needed to overcome the hate. What would you do?

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Suppose that you hated some other person but you needed to overcome the hate. What would you do?

I don't know. I don't really hate anyone. The one person I did is in jail. To be honest, I've never had to overcome hatred before.

[Bill3]

Thanks for your response.

One reason that the situation is challenging is that you have only truly hated one other person, but now you don"t even hate that person. You only hate yourself.



What happened to the hatred of that person?

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What happened to the hatred of that person?

In truth, if I saw him again, I'd likely revoke my pacifist membership and punch him in the face, at the very least.

You are right, though, I don't hate him anymore. I see little point in holding onto an emotion towards someone who will likely be out of my life forever. I hated him based off of certain events, but he's getting his now and I gave karma a high-five for it. The way I see it, I think I gave up hating him the moment that happened because in truth, I see now that everyone in his life failed to help him and just someone treating him right as a kid would've saved a lot of future heartbreak. I see a victim of circumstance and I wish him the best, but that I also never see him again.

[Bill3]

In speaking of him, you show a lot of practicality and a lot of compassion.

With regard to practicality, a key feature in your thinking is that he is gone now, and being punished. Karma is working, and you don't have to see him.

It is harder when it comes to yourself, though, because you are with you all of the time.

With regard to compassion, you recognise, and are moved by, the fact that he was hurt by things outside of his control. I find it remarkable, and quite moving that, because of your deep compassion, you can even wish him the best.



I wonder to what extent you are able extend your deep compassion to yourself.

Perhaps there are ways to give to yourself more of that deep compassion that you are able to offer to others.

(((((Só leigheas)))))

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I wonder to what extent you are able extend your deep compassion to yourself.

Perhaps there are ways to give to yourself more of that deep compassion that you are able to offer to others.

You make a fine point that I can't argue with. With distance, compassion becomes even easier to access, though, and I can't flee my own mind. I'll just have to get better at compassion when I'm still in the thick of it.

Thanks, Bill. Your words are always appreciated.

[Bill3]

Thank you so much for your kind words.