[continuosly blue]

For me it's about starting to use the left side of my brain a little more ( pre- frontal cortex ). I basically lived my whole life in emotional turmoil. I could not control my feelings. I could never focus or concentrate on reality or what was right in front of me. Always living in the past. Never tried to understand how the other person felt , or tried to imagine what they were going thru. Always angry about how I was treated. Did I ever consider how I was treating others ?

I was the center of the universe. Always right. Always self justified.
Once I was able to focus on the now , stop always living in the past and stop being the VICTIM all the time , I started to finally be able to control my emotions ( for the most part). I feel MATURE now. I feel more empowered. I just got sick and tired of having my emotions rule and destroy my life.
Mentalization has to be practiced every day. It takes a lot of concentration.
But it sure as hell is worth it. I've been at the edge of the cliff MANY times.
I'm learning to step back.

This is more or less what I have been striving to do. I've spent most of my adult life letting my emotions cloud my judgement which has done nothing more than hold me back.

Fear, sorrow, envy, and anger have been especially the worst emotions for me because I was always scared either of the world or other people and as a result, I was always sad and alone. I also envied other people who had it better than me; playing the victim and lashing out at those who rejected me or who had something that I wanted was a favored pastime.

The only logical thing to do is to tackle life with a clear mind and not let one's feelings get in the way of getting what you want.

In fact, a friend of mine once gave me some of the best bit of advice I could follow: "If you stop reacting out of fear and instead look at everything with a clear mind you will become a dangerous, powerful person"; I am inclined to agree.

We all grow up sometime I guess even people as stubborn as myself

I'm very emotional, but I don't want to be less emotional. I want to use my emotions for better ends. For example, I get angry very easily. But sometimes I use my anger to defend myself politely. I use the energy of anger, but hide the face of anger. It's not an easy process for me and I cannot rationalize with my emotional brain which takes the control most of the time. But glad you have found your way.