[woolacet]

I'm done being the strong one. In college, I am the one who is always listening to people's relationship issues, the one who is helping others study for classes, the one who always has to take the lead with projects, the one who is always stuck in the middle of arguments, and the one who is constantly studying for A's in my classes. I can never turn off my brain and now I just want to quit. In college, it seems like everyone has problems and I seem to be the only one who they come to. I love the fact that they trust me, but I can't solve everything. I bottle up my feelings and push them under the rug, because more important things come up. I am basically working on two degrees, because my friend (who I love very much) always needs help with her homework, studying, or lab reports. She is more like a sister to me and I want her to succeed. I just have so much going on in my life. Since the beginning of the year, everything has changed in my life. I lost three relatives ( one to suicide with no note), lost my dog to cancer, found out my church is closing, discovered my camp I worked at for years (literally my second home) is closing, my best friend moved to Erie, and I am constantly stressed with school. I just really need to vent and unfortunately I don't have someone to do that with currently...

[woe-be-gone]

Here's some beautiful words from Sarah Bliesath that really helped me through times like this...I even printed it out and stuck it to my wardrobe so I am reminded everyday:

A Love Letter To The Girl Who Cares Too Much About Everyone But Herself

This one's for you.

You, the girl with a heart full of love and no place big enough to store it all.

Our generation is so caught up in this notion that it's "cool" not to care about anything or anyone. I know you've tried to do just that. I'm sure there was a brief moment where you genuinely believed you were capable of not caring, especially since you convinced everyone around you that you didn't. But that just isn't true, is it? Don't be ashamed of this, don't let anyone ridicule you for having emotions. After everything life has put you through you have still remained soft. This is what makes you, you. This is what makes you beautiful. You care so deeply and love so boldly and it is incredible, never let the world take this from you.

You are the girl who will give and give and give until you have absolutely nothing left. Some may see this as a weakness, an inconvenience, the perfect excuse to walk all over you. I know you try to make sense of it all, why someone you cared so much about would treat you the way they did. You'll make excuses for them, rationalize it and turn it all around on yourself. You'll tell yourself that maybe just maybe they will change even though you know deep down they won't. You gave them everything you had and it still feels as if they took it all and ran. When this happens, remind yourself that you are not a reflection of those who cannot love you. The way that people treat you does not define who you are. Tell yourself this every day, over and over until it sticks. Remind yourself that you are gold, darling, and sometimes they will prefer silver and that is OK.

I know you feel guilty when you have to say no to something, I know you feel like you are letting everyone you love down when you do. Listen to me, it is not your responsibility to tend to everyone else's feelings all the time. By all means, treat their feelings with care, but remember it is not the end of the world when you cannot help them right away. Remember that it is OK to say no. You don't have to take care of everyone else all the time. Sometimes it's OK to say no to lunch with your friends and just stay home in bed to watch Netflix when you need a minute for yourself. I know sometimes this is much easier said than done because you are worried about letting other people down, but please give it a try.

With all of this, please remember that you matter. Do not be afraid to take a step back and focus on yourself. You owe yourself the same kind of love and patience and kindness and everything that you have given everyone else. It is OK to think about and put yourself first. Do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You are so incredibly loved even when it doesn't feel like it, please always remember that. You cannot fill others up when your own cup is empty. Take care of yourself.

[winter4me]

Is there a counselor at school you could talk to? Someone just for You.
Also, it is okay to let someone know that you are struggling----you don't have to be stuck in the middle, it is okay to say "I'm not getting in the middle of this argument, I care about you but I can't do this" It is okay to say "I need some time for myself", and even to find small ways in which others could help you---you help your friend with school work. Is there something she can help you with? Also, know this is not forever.
Another approach might be to get involved in some activities outside of school (a local meet up, hobby...) with people who aren't looking to you for anything.

[woolacet]

Originally Posted by woe-be-gone

Here's some beautiful words from Sarah Bliesath that really helped me through times like this...I even printed it out and stuck it to my wardrobe so I am reminded everyday:

A Love Letter To The Girl Who Cares Too Much About Everyone But Herself

This one's for you.

You, the girl with a heart full of love and no place big enough to store it all.

Our generation is so caught up in this notion that it's "cool" not to care about anything or anyone. I know you've tried to do just that. I'm sure there was a brief moment where you genuinely believed you were capable of not caring, especially since you convinced everyone around you that you didn't. But that just isn't true, is it? Don't be ashamed of this, don't let anyone ridicule you for having emotions. After everything life has put you through you have still remained soft. This is what makes you, you. This is what makes you beautiful. You care so deeply and love so boldly and it is incredible, never let the world take this from you.

You are the girl who will give and give and give until you have absolutely nothing left. Some may see this as a weakness, an inconvenience, the perfect excuse to walk all over you. I know you try to make sense of it all, why someone you cared so much about would treat you the way they did. You'll make excuses for them, rationalize it and turn it all around on yourself. You'll tell yourself that maybe just maybe they will change even though you know deep down they won't. You gave them everything you had and it still feels as if they took it all and ran. When this happens, remind yourself that you are not a reflection of those who cannot love you. The way that people treat you does not define who you are. Tell yourself this every day, over and over until it sticks. Remind yourself that you are gold, darling, and sometimes they will prefer silver and that is OK.

I know you feel guilty when you have to say no to something, I know you feel like you are letting everyone you love down when you do. Listen to me, it is not your responsibility to tend to everyone else's feelings all the time. By all means, treat their feelings with care, but remember it is not the end of the world when you cannot help them right away. Remember that it is OK to say no. You don't have to take care of everyone else all the time. Sometimes it's OK to say no to lunch with your friends and just stay home in bed to watch Netflix when you need a minute for yourself. I know sometimes this is much easier said than done because you are worried about letting other people down, but please give it a try.

With all of this, please remember that you matter. Do not be afraid to take a step back and focus on yourself. You owe yourself the same kind of love and patience and kindness and everything that you have given everyone else. It is OK to think about and put yourself first. Do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You are so incredibly loved even when it doesn't feel like it, please always remember that. You cannot fill others up when your own cup is empty. Take care of yourself.

Thank you. This is beautiful

[woolacet]

Originally Posted by winter4me

Is there a counselor at school you could talk to? Someone just for You.
Also, it is okay to let someone know that you are struggling----you don't have to be stuck in the middle, it is okay to say "I'm not getting in the middle of this argument, I care about you but I can't do this" It is okay to say "I need some time for myself", and even to find small ways in which others could help you---you help your friend with school work. Is there something she can help you with? Also, know this is not forever.
Another approach might be to get involved in some activities outside of school (a local meet up, hobby...) with people who aren't looking to you for anything.

There is a counselor, but I don't know if I could/would go. I feel like it would be awkward and I wouldn't accomplish anything. I always say I'm fine in a public setting and I don't want to let go of that mask. I know I need someone, it's just the fact that I need to accept the help that's offered.

[winter4me]

If you do talk with the counselor, it isn't the same as talking in public. I think most of us do the "I'm fine" thing, so, if you can get from I'm fine to I'm fine but there are some things I just need to work out.....((((hug))))....
Some who know you might be relieved to know you aren't always Fine...that they might even be able to help you.
Think about the counselor, you can always stop if it isn't helpful.

[AdieAychdee]

You sound like an almost mirror image of myself. The best word I ever learned to use in these situations is "No". "No I can't do that today.", 'I'm sorry, but today I just can't help you with this", etc. It's not that I always turn people down (I don't think that is possible for me), but I had to learn that on my hard days, especially those days, it was okay to take care of myself first! It felt selfish and strange to start with. The way I made myself okay with it, though, was with the reasoning that "If I don't take care of myself hoe can I continue to help others?"

Don't know if that helps (or even makes sense ), but I hope you will find someone to help you learn how to take that load off your shoulders!

AA

[MickeyCheeky]

Like others have said, it's ok to take s step back and take care of yourself as well. You're a great person

[woolacet]

Thanks everyone, it means a lot to know I have these forums ❤