[Orion XXV]

I'm going to keep this story short.

I had been friends with a former co-worker of mine for a couple of years... until recently. We literally worked right across from each other, and during the down time we would always talk about movies, relationships etc... every single night we worked together. We've even hung out together outside of work... gone bowling, out to eat... and it was fun for us.

Now, as time moved on, he found out that I am gay and have a partner. I'm not sure if that was a problem with him or not, but this is where the center of the discussion comes into play. I have a hard time building friendship with guys in general. All of my friends are girls... which is great and all, but I want to form a bond with a guy and occasionally get drunk, play games, have a bromance, so to speak. I haven't been able to establish that in roughly 12 years now. We're talking since I was a 15 year old boy.Sometimes I get envious when I see that bond. One day, I made a snide remark to him saying "Are you gay for xxx because you act like it". Doesn't help that I had been diagnosed with cyclothymia and my mood was all over the place. Truth be told, I didn't expect him to take that comment to someone in authority, and I ended up being talked to over it. I felt like he just cut me down so hard.

So, we end up not speaking to each other for close to a month and randomly he just says "What's up?". Here I am thinking, "any reason why you want to talk to me now?". Everything goes swell for a while, and I end up giving him advice on this girl he likes. He talks to me about trying to find a new job, and I offer him positive reassurance on his capabilities and attempt to boost his self-confidence. Everything is fine for a few weeks... Later on, I ask him why he took offense to what I had said, to which he didn't deliver a clear answer. His response was on the border of "well it just bothered me". This is the kind of guy that skates around the truth and any form of pain. You can basically read him like a book. Eventually, I got into trouble again by simply asking him a question regarding his behaviors. Something as simple as "Why do you act this way?" and it turned into a big deal. He made it sound like I was questioning his sexuality, which was never true to begin with. Then we've stopped talking again...

Fortunately for me, I got a new job which on my final written warning. I can thank god for not losing my old one, but I can't help but be in pain over all that transpired. I was told by my old manager that I could apologize to him, but I said "What good is it if my words could get skewed?". I learned that he told people that I tried flirting with him. That is not true... never was. I don't flirt with anyone because I respect boundaries. In my mind, I'm asking 'why' because I'm confused. I realize the workplace is a different world, but I could only imagine someone that is homophobic would dare to do that. Still, how could you to a person that's stood up for you and had faith in you?

I got answer as to why he got offended. He told that he felt like I didn't care about him. For roughly 10 minutes of talking, I connected with his depression and I nearly cried discussing things with him. I had hit the bottom of that spectrum and I never cry. We stopped talking again, but can anyone help explain his point of view? Is mine justifiable?

[MickeyCheeky]

Well, I don't know wht you two have talked about precisely (not sure what does he mean by "you didn't care about me" tbh) but if he gave you reasons, and those reasons seem valid to you, then why did you stop talking? Now that you know the reasons, it should be easier to start over.. right?

I'm really surprised you got written warnings for what sounds to me like a minor disagreement with a colleague - but that's another matter.

It sounds like he's misinterpreted your actions and words, but on one hand he's made allegations about you which have lead to real trouble for you on the other he's more or less said he was upset with you (thinking you didn't care). It is confusing and what he did (raising a complaint) is serious.

I think moving on and chalking up to experience is the best you can do - personally I believe keeping things professional at work is the best way to avoid this kind of fall out. If you are wanting to develop friendships maybe try sports/interest groups - if things don't go well it won't impact on your career.