[nikki_of_asgard]

Emotions are difficult. Especially when they’re more intense than we’re used to. I’ve run into somewhat of a problem. For a very long time, I ignored my emotions and hid them from the rest of the world. Eventually, I became so out of touch with my feelings that I began to believe I wasn’t human. Only very recently have I been “feeling” again. My problem is that my emotions are so intense that I any little disturbance (usually overdue schoolwork) will cause me to explode. During one of these “explosions” I had an argument with my mom about how I just need to push through it. I said “It just seems unfair that other people don’t get this worked up over homework.”
She responded with “You have no idea what other people are going through” followed by “Think of how your sister reacts to this stuff.” I snapped back with “She doesn’t consider suicide every time this happens.” Then, silence. Then I asked “Why do I have to go through this every time?” Mom said “The ‘why’ is never helpful in these situations.” That got me thinking: what is wrong with me? All I want to know is WHY I’m like this. If I have a reason, maybe it won’t feel so spontaneous. I’m a pretty logical person and I’d rather know why this happens than what it does to me. Part of me thinks this is temporary and will go away as I adapt to having emotions again, and another part of me thinks that this is an illness that I will never escape. All I want is answers. Reasons. Causes. I just want something to blame.

[Skeezyks]

Hello nikki: You know... I've been struggling for close to 69 years. There is a part of me that yearns for answers. But I've come to accept there simply are none. At least there are none I can ever get at. So, at least in my life, I've had to come to accept that is all simply was as it was... & still is... I wish you well...

[Bill3]

nikki, do you, or might you, see a therapist?

[nikki_of_asgard]

Yes. I have had several therapists. I currently have a psychologist and a psychiatrist. The problem is that I have a hard time finding words to describe my feelings.

[Open Eyes]

ADHD can be very challenging in that the mind tends to be very active and it's harder for a person to sit and focus. Unfortunately, often these individuals get punished for this and all that does is make it even more challenging.

However, people with ADHD have this genetically for a reason in that human beings needed to be able to learn in motion and be active just to survive.

It's understandable that you struggle with emotions because emotions take time to sort through and that is something that is a challenge when your mind is so active and you are so motivated to get into "motion". You are not purposely pushing emotion away, instead your mind doesn't want to stop and spend the time to figure them out. So this can result in how you get so frustrated, even angry. Your mind is more pragmatic in that you prefer to look at the problems, then set a plan to solve them. This was important in how we survived as a species yet in today's world where so much focus is put on sitting still when learning and gaining knowledge, this is not a very friendly world for someone who needs to learn in motion.

I know someone who struggled with ADHD and he really got punished for it. Yet, even though he endured that he found a way to thrive and travels all over and doesn't spend a lot of time on sitting and dwelling on emotions. His answer is that of, "make a list and set out to accomplish the things on that list". For individuals who prefer to dwell in ideological thinking and are heavy thinkers, they always get put off when it comes to a pragmatist, which is often someone who needs to be productive and set out to accomplish a punch list that results in something more tangible.

If you are struggling with your homework, my guess is you are frustrated with sitting still with it verses using more tangible things that your mind prefers to utilize when gaining knowledge.

What are you studying and trying to learn?