[jazrobinson]

I'm in a really time-consuming theatre school, which takes up all of my time but also makes me exposed to only a select group of people: about 10-15 of the same classmates. I don't feel close with them like I used to because of a certain event that caused one person to yell at me in front of classmates...and I feel gaslighted by this one person all the time in front of everyone, even though I've talked with them privately about it. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around my classmates even though we're doing such vulnerable, emotional work. I feel sensitive, emotional and afraid that i'll say the wrong thing at every turn that will upset them. Work-wise, I've been doing well in school. My professors think I'm thriving and I've even been getting lead roles. But I'm unhappy. I feel extremely lonely in my life. I can tell that some of my classmates aren't happy about me doing well and it kind of hurts. If it were reverse, I would be very happy for them because I thought they were my friends but I don't feel it being reciprocated. I feel like some people are giving me a passive aggressive cold shoulder and it hurts. I don't expect to be applauded, just not being stepped on sometimes. I want to be close with people outside of my program but I only have one day out of the week off and I use those days to rest so that I'm not exhausted. Summer is coming up and I'm scared I don't have anyone to turn to. I've been single for three years after a lengthy relationship, and I still am not interested in dating apps and still have a desire to meet someone special in person, but it's so difficult. I long for a good group of friends that stay stable in my life as well as a loving, trusting partner. I have this irrational feeling that I will never find people who will stay. I feel like I pull people in who treat me poorly because I don't know how to treat myself. I'm scared I'll be stuck like this even after I graduate. I'm scared that I'm believing the idea that I did something to deserve this. Please be gentle with any advice, I'm a little sensitive atm.

Hi there,

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know that I read your post. Sending you hugs, if that's OK.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to your fears. It seems like being with those classmates is really hurting.. is it possible to change class, maybe? Not having time for yourself can also be a big problem. I'm sorry