Handling Jealousy?

I need some advice on how to handle jealousy. My best friend (it's a long distance friendship) has recently met a guy and tentatively started dating him. While I'm so happy she has found someone who she loves being around, I am intensely jealous of this budding relationship. They've only been on a few dates and mostly just hanging out and texting. My problem is every time she brings him up, I get almost physically sick to my stomach - I get that like jittery, nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I know my feelings primarily stem from my own insecurities that I have - insecurities that she wont have any time for me because she has a boyfriend. Fear that our friendship won't be as close because now that she has a boyfriend to love her she won't need me in her life to provide that for her. She's still hesitant about the relationship so it may not stick... but I can't help but think what if it does. She told me yesterday since he's older he's ready to settle down and they are both going into the new relationship with the intention of it being serious and not a casual fling. They've only known each other for about a month and just started actually going on dates... but my friend is already thinking of if this relationship will end in marriage. And it panics me and I feel sick about it all. I just want to be happy for her because she's had a really tough time of things and she deserves to have happiness and love. But at the same time my feelings of jealousy overwhelm me and it makes me hope they break up so I can have her all to myself.

Does anyone have any ways that might help me calm myself when she starts talking about this guy? I could hardly eat dinner last night because she was texting me about where their relationship is going before I sat down to dinner and I felt sick.

I am thinking of maybe finding a therapist for my issues... but in the mean time does anyone have any ideas on how to stop feeling so sick to my stomach whenever she brings him up?

I was just about to start a thread with "jealousy" in the title. I also recognize that I feel some jealousy. But, it's mostly about other people's success. There was a time when I really cared about money and success, and I had it, to a substantial degree. But, then about 10 years ago something started to change, and financial success started to mean very little to me. Now, I kinda miss the financial freedom I had, and feel some jealousy when I recognize that other people have the benefit that comes from financial success, while I don't.

It's great that you recognize this and have awareness of this...

Do you recall when and why these insecurities surfaced in your life? Were there specific life experiences that contributed to you developing these insecurities? (you don't have to speak about this publicly if you don't care to)

Your reaction to your friend's circumstances should be viewed as a 'symptom' of a deeper, underlying 'cause'... The underlying cause is the preexisting insecurity which is really just unprocessed and unresolved emotional energy from your past that has been stored within you.

The key to lessening your reaction to these present circumstances is to push yourself to shift your attention/focus away from your friend and her circumstances - and re-direct your attention/focus inwardly to yourself and to whichever earlier life experiences contributed to you developing your sensitivity & insecurity. You have to get to the cause of all this, and the cause is not your friend's current circumstances/situation - her circumstances/situation are just serving as a reminder that you have something going on within you which is still unresolved and needs to be (eventually) healed....

I wish I had your posts in a book. Your advice always carries over into other areas of my life and when you post a lightbulb always goes on.

I think it's great to still be able to happy for your friend. That's very difficult to do when you're experiencing jealousy. I think jealousy comes from a lack of. That's whether it's a lack of a relationship, success, or finance. No
Lie it's not going to be easy to deal with. I think your best bet is to see what you're not happy with in your life and try to make those changes. That will take less focus off of others while working on you. That's easier said than done though. It's definitely not easy and it's not like you're going to go out and find mr. Perfect. Other than that enjoy your company with your friend when you are with her and don't try to focus so much on the relationship that she's having but enjoy the time that you're with her the way you did before.

I also used to get very jealous of my husband when we were first married. Its different when you are not married, you have more space and time for yourself when you are single. You should be very careful not to lead this person on and try to tell them how you feel about them so they know if they should continue with you or give up for the time being. its not fair to drag someones heart around and it sounds like that will be what they are doing to you if you don't let them know how you feel. Personally i think you are lovesick, i know because i felt this way before a few times but you can gt over it and sometimes we have to just let go.