Been feeling it more the last few days. I've realised it's about my past, not having a mother growing up.. I feel nothing can make up for that void!

I think I've tried to numb the pain (can you call emptiness pain..) by overeating sweet/greasy junk food, making myself physically ill.. Nothing else just seems to make me feel as 'warm' and 'full' inside.. I want to stop doing this, but I don't know what else to replace the emptiness with..

But now I've started to think - maybe there IS nothing I can fill it with.. Maybe I'm not even supposed to? Maybe I 'just' need to grieve.. Grieve the loss of my mother (she was physically present but emotionally unavailable and even harmful..) So far, it has seemed too awful to even admit, to be consciously aware of this truth But I can't go on like I have so far..

[Unrigged64072835]

Grieving for the parent(s) you didn't have is good. My therapist worked with me on that, and also reparenting myself so I could make that filling feeling on my own. I still sometimes have issues (I'm diabetic but have a voracious sweet tooth), but it's a learning process so it's cool.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I think you're on the right track by grieving the loss of your mother (the mom that you needed). You also show great awareness in that you're overeating to fill the void. Do you see a therapist?

Thank you both so much for your replies!

I saw a therapist before but can't afford it at the moment.. We're still in contact via email and she supports me as best she can, but I don't want to bother her too much since I can't pay for her time.. I'm now seeing another counselor but we're focusing on specific phobias I have about social situations..

I'll see online about reparenting myself!