[Sunbabe]

I have been feeling totally out of whack the last 6 months. Started looking for the root of my anxieties. Been having horrible anxiety about my fiancé cheating on me. He has never cheated before in any relationship. I have cheated in past relationships but I love him very much and I know he loves me too. I realize it started getting really bad when I was around 6 months pregnant. I've been analyzing my triggers of my seemingly irrational fears.. I realized it started getting worse and worse when he went out to the bar with a female friend he has been very close with for 10 years and was visiting from out of town. I started to realize I felt threatened by her and I couldn't figure out why. This is a girl I am also friends with, but not as close with. I started to dig deeper when I started to have anxiety attacks at night and when I was alone and was alone with my own thoughts. I realized that the images in my head of my fiancé and other women having sexual encounters originally manifested as visions of him with this other female friend, and evolved from there. I trust my fiancé and I know how much he loves me and our daughter, but I couldn't bring myself to feel comfortable around her. I had a few realizations why that may be after I did some thinking about it. Two of my previous partners have cheated on me with this girl. I tried telling myself that we were friends and she wouldnt do that to me. My neocortex told me otherwise, because My fiancé recently told me she stopped being friends with her longtime girlfriend after the girls friend was upset she had cuddled all night with her boyfriend/ father of her two children. She also told my friends when she was invited to my Bachelorette party that we weren't really friends, and I that she was in our wedding because my fiancé asked her. They have been close for a long time and I have also known her many years. My fiancé is a huge lightweight from alcohol and I am worried that one night on his nights out with the boys she will be right there to swoop him up when he's blacked out to tell him he's too drunk to drive and to lay down in her car for a bit... then she'd have her way and maybe he'd sober up half way through and try to get away from her as fast as he could crying and yelling at her for taking advantage of him. I can see it so clearly in my head, and my anxiety is starting to take over my life. I thought having her in my wedding might help me face my fears and might condition me that everything is okay but it's sort of making it worse. She hasn't actually done anything, THIS time, but she has in the past. I feel so manipulated by her in our life even if not by her directly. I think it's wrong to ask my fiancé not to be friends with her, I'm looking for some advise or opinions from people who have experience similar things... I don't want to ask him not to talk to her but I am having such. Hard time controlling my anxiety. Does anyone have any ideas??

[Sunflower123]

You're in a sticky situation. You do have every right and reason to be anxious. She's done it before! She has the morals of an alley cat. I really encourage you to sit down and have a heart to heart with your fiancé. He needs to know what you are feeling and why. Why do you consider her a friend? She's a snake in the grass. Let your fiancé find another friend with more integrity and character or go out with them every single time. Otherwise there will be friction and anxiety. Good luck and best wishes.

[Sunbabe]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

You're in a sticky situation. You do have every right and reason to be anxious. She's done it before! She has the morals of an alley cat. I really encourage you to sit down and have a heart to heart with your fiancé. He needs to know what you are feeling and why. Why do you consider her a friend? She's a snake in the grass. Let your fiancé find another friend with more integrity and character or go out with them every single time. Otherwise there will be friction and anxiety. Good luck and best wishes.

I guess I think of her as a friend because I've known her for a very long time and we have shared many fun times together, and we have so many close mutual friends.