Hey everyone. I don't really want to talk about it but I feel like an idiot. I don't know what else to say. I feel like a total loser. I feel like I just suck.

[mc2ed]

You say you don't want to talk about it...as I have felt this way before...there are a few things I take comfort in....the biggest one...is thank the heavens nothing stays the same...especially my feelings..they are often all over the place...sometimes from second to second....so I KNOW I won't keep feeling that way....things change..constantly....and if I try and put my awareness into the exact moment I am in....what is in front of me....and not think back on the past moments.....if I do....slip back thinking of moments that have passed....if I am paying attention....I will come back to the moment ...I am in.....I think of that as center....sometimes it feels like I need to remind myself to come back to center...more times than I think I can count...after a while it helps...or I go read a book...some frothy thing it doesn't matter if I remember one word of it later.......!....

I worry when I respond and get so long winded...that I am annoying...yet I want to help...not knowing how...I just start filling up the screen...in the hopes that it might be something that could help...or just the thought that even from a distance....you aren't by yourself...

I most certainly hope you feel better soon....

[MickeyCheeky]

I hear you I respect your choice of not talking about it. In any case, though, just know that we're here to listen.

Originally Posted by mc2ed

You say you don't want to talk about it...as I have felt this way before...there are a few things I take comfort in....the biggest one...is thank the heavens nothing stays the same...especially my feelings..they are often all over the place...sometimes from second to second....so I KNOW I won't keep feeling that way....things change..constantly....and if I try and put my awareness into the exact moment I am in....what is in front of me....and not think back on the past moments.....if I do....slip back thinking of moments that have passed....if I am paying attention....I will come back to the moment ...I am in.....I think of that as center....sometimes it feels like I need to remind myself to come back to center...more times than I think I can count...after a while it helps...or I go read a book...some frothy thing it doesn't matter if I remember one word of it later.......!....

I worry when I respond and get so long winded...that I am annoying...yet I want to help...not knowing how...I just start filling up the screen...in the hopes that it might be something that could help...or just the thought that even from a distance....you aren't by yourself...

I most certainly hope you feel better soon....

Well that's interesting. I'm just so confused right now.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. We're here when you're ready to talk and we support you.

[mc2ed]

Originally Posted by ExplodingSun56

Well that's interesting. I'm just so confused right now.

Well I have a brain injury and confused is a frequent state of being for me...it can be so frustrating....sometimes I don't trust my own mind....am I really processing information correctly..?..I have learned another thing that helps me...that I would share with you....

I have a sacred place in my home...I call it my house temple....I go in there...it is quiet...and has a stillness that calms me...yet I will often go out into nature also...sit comfortable...sometimes I even lay down....and then just sit with myself...or I like to think...BE with myself....if something is bothering me...I look at it...as deeply as I am able...I watch my own mind thinking I guess...I am pretty sure I did this even as a small child....If we allow ourselves to become still enough...the answer rises.....it always does....

I have done things in my life...in a moment...caused so much destruction...to my own heart and mind....and then dwelling on it...making myself crazy...or crazier....I do have a few people I trust to help me 'think'....sometimes I need that....that trusting my own brain thing....if I can do something about it...I will try....sometimes there is nothing I can do to change anything...and then....I just Be with that.....I had a teacher tell me once...when I was frustrated by people telling me I needed to deal with it....or that other one...let it go....I always wanted to smack someone when I got told deal with it....Like...duh....if I knew how to deal with it or let it go...I certainly would have....then the teacher told me...to take the word deal and change it to be...be with it....accept it..don't hide or try and remove my mind from it...just be with it....not in a negative or a positive way....just be with it.....in the sense...say.....you had a friend that was in sorrow....and you couldn't do anything about it...yet you stayed by their side just being with them...in support and comfort...not talking just being there....aware what they were going through......it is a strengthening for them....It is like we Be with our own mind/ selves....we give ourselves that centering calmness...by just being....there...for ourselves....

Boy when I read this back or think about what I have said...it may sound whooshey......I think it is from my brain injury...I had trouble speaking...and learned to watch my own mind....I deciphered how to go forward in situations...watching the movie in my mind of thoughts....to figure out what was going on....as the years have passed...that has become a tool in my life I am thankful for....sometimes though I act like an ***....and it is as if my mind is watching shouting at me....Hey Willard....look what you are doing...pull up....sometimes I listen to that observer and stop...and sometime I flip it the bird and just keep on doing stupid things....yet that awareness does help me snap out of it faster....before I cause more problems...

Okay...I have rattled on...It is that part of all of us I think...we want to help each other...and your words...I read in the early hours of the morning...I have felt them in my life...that rising of angst within us that just engulfs the senses with unease....so I wanted to reach out to you...and I can only do it with words...so I gave you lots........it is always my wonder that I give too many words...yet...there I go..doing it anyway...

I hope you are feeling better...or more centered with your own heart....I think sometimes...too...that we all have a small child in us...and if I don't know what to do as an adult...yet if the small child came to me with what ever it is that occurred....how would I comfort the child....and what kind of instruction would I offer to help....some of us can not look at our own selves with love....I have a sister like that...I tell her then address the love to that child.......it is more acceptable for her....then to love herself...

Oh...I went off on the word streamings again....I do hope you find ease in your heart and mind.....I am sending you deep breathes....

****Hugs****** Life! And emotions! It can all be very confusing. Try not to get so down on yourself though.... I know it's hard when you feel like you've done something stupid, or made a mistake, but you're human -- we all are. The key is to not beat yourself up over something..... or recognize it, then learn and grow from it. ((More hugs))))

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by ExplodingSun56

Hey everyone. I don't really want to talk about it but I feel like an idiot. I don't know what else to say. I feel like a total loser. I feel like I just suck.

You may not want to talk about it now but I guarantee that somewhere down the line you will. mc2ed has made great suggestions. To me it sounds like mindfulness and a form of meditation. Those are methods that have helped me tremendously. My goal is to be the " eye of the storm " !
And it's true, thank God , or nature, or whatever, that time moves on.
Because as they say , " this too shall pass " !

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

You may not want to talk about it now but I guarantee that somewhere down the line you will. mc2ed has made great suggestions. To me it sounds like mindfulness and a form of meditation. Those are methods that have helped me tremendously. My goal is to be the " eye of the storm " !
And it's true, thank God , or nature, or whatever, that time moves on.
Because as they say , " this too shall pass " !

I want to talk about it but some things are really hard to talk about. There are just some things I would need someone I can really trust and is really understanding to be able to talk about it.