What's going on with me?--

I'm very confused with my emotions and myself at the moment.

For the majority of the time, I'm emotionally numb. I don't feel anything at all. I can't even feel happy or sad when it's appropriate anymore. It's as if my emotions are paralysed.
The only time I feel anything is usually when I'm with my boyfriend (he actually makes me feel happy, the happiest I've been in forever, after so long of not even remembering what happy even felt like), otherwise I feel nothing.

When I'm happy, I have self-confidence, I'm optimistic, I'm happy with how life is going, I'm energetic, I joke excessively, I talk more, and there's probably more stuff.

But there's this other feeling, I don't know what to call it, where it's all of the things I just mentioned, but WAY more intense. I'm over-confident, I don't care about anyone or anything, I talk way faster and louder, I'm way more energetic and outgoing, I say and do the most random and stupid things, which most the time I don't even care for the consequences and negative outcomes I know I'll endure later, etc.

The thing that gets me though, is that this feeling can also occur when I'm feeling numb or depressed, which usually then leads to me feeling low and happy both AT THE SAME TIME.

When it's both these feelings at once (however that works-- I haven't even figured it out yet), there's a few bonus things, like excessive joking and thoughts about death and self-injury, I'm extremely irritable, I'm more prone to breaking down and/or anxiety attacks, I sometimes even say some stuff to people which terrify me and I don't know where it comes from, etc.
I've been experiencing this type of thing for years now, although it's only the last few months that I've actually been paying attention to it, noticing it, and questioning it.

I'm desperate to know what this is and what is going on with me, but I'm scared to go to anyone about it whilst I don't even have any ideas or suggestions. The only thing I know of that is similar to this is Bipolar, but yeah, I don't know, and I'd much rather not skip to conclusions.
Does anyone have any ideas on what this could be behind this or any advice on what I should do from here?

Unfortunately we can't diagnose you here yo have to go to a doctor to be properly evaluated.. I think you might be Bipolar as well, though.

Being hyper can go with depression. As recommended above, see a therapist for a dx.

Yes, do get evaluated by a psychiatrist. The symptoms you describe are indicative of a mental health condition. ((((((hugs))))))

I agree with getting a professional evaluation. Best wishes on getting to the bottom of it.