Having a Difficult Time...

It's been a while since I've shared on here and I don't exactly know where to share this. I'm feeling emotions all over so I figured this was the best place.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for...answers, validation, or just a place to rant. I have no idea. I just feel I have to share what's going on in my life and in my head or I'll self destruct.

First, last week I got into an argument with someone at work. I acted in a way I wish I hadn't, but the person in return didn't handle it any better. I wanted to go to the extreme and quit my job. I knew this wasn't the way to go and I've been there too long to just quit. I went to work today and decided to just stay at my desk and not converse with anyone. I figured I'd avoid everyone and not get into any trouble at the same time. Then tonight I checked my Facebook friends list on a whim and suddenly that same person I argued with on Friday was gone from my list. For a reason I can't explain, this bothered me more than our argument. Maybe because we'd had this same issue over the summer and resolved it (except I was mad at her and unfriended her). It made me angry immediately like I had been betrayed. I'm not sure I understand why I feel this way. It's just social media. But I do feel like I trusted the wrong person.

So work was less than tolerable last week and I'm unsure what to do about that. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions by different people. I try to just do my work and be done with it, but I am having trouble with what I don't know. Meaning, what are people not addressing or not telling me. I really hate surprises and people spring things on me all the time at work.

The holidays are also a sad time of year for me. I have a difficult time every year. I don't have family anymore and therefore holidays are spent alone. I have a friend who invites me over and I do go, but to not have my relatives to be around is hard. I was closest to my grandmother, but she passed away a few years ago. I visit her grave when I feel like I need to talk to her. I am feeling that I need to do so soon. I'm really lonely and don't have very many close friends. Just the one really. When I see the first Christmas commercial of the year, I tense up. I'm trying to figure out how to cope, but each year it's a lot of tears and not a lot of smiles.

I guess I just feel really let down by everything. And I don't really know what to do about it.

Yes, I do take medication and I go to counseling. Because of the holidays, I don't get to go back to counseling until next week.

I'm having a bad night and didn't know where to turn, so I came here. Thanks for "listening."

-Julie

Do you think it would be possible to have a polite confrontation with your co-worker to see why she unfriended you vs trying to work things out as you have in the past? (If it makes you feel better I know sometimes I will unfriend ppl on FB temporarily - until I no longer feel I will blow up at them if they try to talk to me or burn with venom in my veins when I see them say something.) Is it possible that you are feeling ppl at your work are talking about you or about to spring something on you bc you are tensed about the situation with your friend?

I completely understand about loneliness on the holidays. I am married - but our marriage is strange at best and abusive at worst. My family (the ones living) rarely talk to me n specifically tell me NOT to contact them on holidays. So yes - I understand. I like to use music n movies to keep my mind occupied during those times. Not sure if that will work for you, but thought I would throw it out there

Hope you get to feeling better!
❤

Work is work and is not a social box. Best to keep co-workers off your friends list on FB. You will avoid much disappointment.