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Old Dec 18, 2017, 10:19 AM
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Marylin Marylin is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
I feel churned up emotionally today....my emotions are all over the place,I don't know how to describe it other than to describe it as mood swings which are a feature of schizophrenia.I just need to stand still or sit still and find as much peace as I can when things get this way.

I am also physically very tired,last night the sleep apnea woke me up about five times in the night so that today I am very drowsy,I hope that I sleep better tonight.
I also had very bad pain in the muscle of my right arm cos I walked into the bathroom door and banged it hard the day before yesterday.It hurt bad.Today it is slightly better but still hurts.

I want to cry everything is changing soon.I will have the usual christmas seeing my mum and my niece but afterwards my niece is going to Los Angeles USA(we are in the UK)...she will be over there six months studying...I will miss her and will probably go into isolation without her,it feels strange that I will be alone a lot now.I am always alone been alone apart from abusive family since a child a toddler.I am sometimes scared and fed up of not having anyone close to care,share their love and give me attention.
The other day I ordered coffee and cake on a tray from Costas and a middle aged blonde woman with two kids saw I was walking with a stick and she kindly offered to take my tray to a table for me which I thought was lovely as she had her hands full already with the two kids.It is the second time a blonde woman helped me out a couple of years ago I'd needed a stamp and couldn't walk to the post office I mentioned it to this blonde woman sitting on a bench next to me and she just gave me a stamp..so I could just put it on my card and post it...I was surprised cos they were both blonde haired,in my stereotyped vision blonde people are cold ,indifferent and uncaring or they definitely wouldn't care about me.Shows how wrong that you could be!It is a bias I had since a child against blonde people that they are selfish and unkind.Not true.But the reason I relate these two acts of kindness is to show that yes these people were kind to me and gave me attention and I liked it.

I wish there were more people in my life that cared and liked me.I may have opportunity to meet more people but it involves getting involved with the Labour Party and those people are more take than give I wonder if it would be them using me than caring and giving me attention,not that I don't believe in the cause but I want interactions on a personal level too.

Today I have felt alone and needed to chat but there not being anyone with the time to give me to chat I am using this post to get things off my chest.I feel lost and as I said churned up emotionally.If there were someone to take me in their arms and give me a hug I would love that right now!
Hugs from:
Skeezyks

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  #2  
Old Dec 19, 2017, 03:33 PM
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Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
Emotions mixed up and all over the place!
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Thanks for this!
Marylin
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