Wanting to Give up

Depression and anxiety is so hard man. It's just so hard. I am 20-years old.
I fight everyday against it all everyday. I am a loner (I am not trying to make this a pity thread but describe myself). I don't have any friends. I don't know how to talk to my parents about how I have been feeling. I was prescribed an antidepressant 6-7 months ago, which made me feel A LOT better. But since then I still get anxious, depressive episodes but not as severe at all what it once was. I am just so sad that this is the way I am and probably be for rest of my life !! My parents think Im better but truth is I am not . I had to deactivate my social media account because it made me so sad. seeing everyone else have fun, whatever and me at home made me so sad. It's just so hard. Anhedonia is real guys. I will get interested in stuff then i cant get interested in it anymore. It's so frustrating.

I'm currently crying right now. I start school in few weeks and I am so afraid it will trigger everything. I am terrified guys. School stresses me out a lot but it makes me sick. I had to delete my FB and everything because seeing everyone with these PERFECT lives and how everything is so GREAT made me feel so sad!

I don't know how to talk to my parents about this. I don't have a place of my own I live with them. They think I am all better but I will freak them out if I tell them I feel this way, or something I don't know I get uncomfortable talking about all of this. I've accepted the fact today (unfortunately) I will have this for the rest of my life.

I understand how this feels. I've been thinking about deleting my facebook account because of things that are triggering to me on there. I just get so lonely.

I believe you are valuable and should continue fighting. I understand how you feel. My illness started when I was in my late 20's and has never ceased. With therapy and medication, I survive. But, how you live is up to you. Instead of staying inside and being all alone, go outside and enjoy it. You live in LA where I used to live. Why don't you go to the beach and just soak up the sun? Who cares if you are by yourself. You can also listen to music that you enjoy to cheer up up. Or, how about eating something nice? I have fought my illness for over 20 years now. I will tell you that if you take your medication and have therapy, life is manageable to a certain extent. But, it also depends on the choices you make. If you continue to feel sorry for yourself and compare yourself to others, then you will feel more miserable. I have been there. I stopped feeling sorry for myself when I became homeless and met others who were addicts, prostitutes, vagrants, etc. who had no place to live and to go and not enough money to eat. Sometimes, you experience situations which open your eyes. After that experience, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and became responsible for myself. I wanted to work and take my medication and be able to take care of myself. I am not suggesting you become homeless but realize you are not in the worst situation where you have to think about where your next meal is coming and where you are going to sleep. You have a mental condition which prevents you from enjoying yourself and life. This can be ameliorated with medication and therapy and making wise choices about feeling good about yourself. I still make unwise choices if you read my other posts. So, we all have problems to face. Please don't wallow in misery but feel grateful for what you have and feel good about yourself. Nobody can help you if you don't want to help yourself. I finally started taking my medication after my homeless experience and realizing my life is in my hands. I was also threatened to be given ECT if I did not shape up. The doctors try to convince my family to agree to ECT but they said no. I got out of the hospital after awhile then ran away and became homeless. It was a good thing for me because it opened my eyes. I am grateful to be alive today. Being a homeless woman on the streets at night is not safe and very dangerous. I stayed safe by staying alone and checking into the homeless shelter when I could. I got a job as a stripper but I was not able to keep my tips because I was stupid and put them in my bag and some other stripper stole my money. So, I finally went home after encouragement from the social worker on-site at the homeless shelter. I was not too excited about going home but after not being homeless and not being able to eat, I accepted my family's help. So, after that experience, it took me about three years to recover then I came here and have been doing odd jobs and surviving somehow. I was wondering if my family sent me here to get rid of me but don't really care. I am surviving and am doing ok. You will be ok too someday. Just take it one day at a time and don't look back. Best wishes!! Happy New Year!!

I understand how you feel.. I can relate..

I never seen anyone on Facebook have perfect lives. Best Not to compare yourself with others, in order to feel bad about yourself.