Ex-pired Memories

I often times find myself going back and revisiting a positive memory from time I spent with my exes. I remember something about how truly amazing it felt to be in love, followed by a colder echo from the emptiness that is now. Music can trigger me sometimes, but it's fairly random. I know when this happens to me, the thing I feel is that I miss that feeling and would like to have it back in some way. The next thing that happens is an overwhelming wave of pain and doubt smothers that feeling like an avalanche.

Does anyone out there have a similar issue when thinking about exes? I imagine this is fairly universal. However, my point here is to explain how we all cope with that. When that pain happens, I don't run, I stand my ground and feel it; the longing and all that goes with it. Do you do the same? When the pain passes the initial sting, I think about things in a way best described as fondness. I still treasure those memories, because love is beautiful, even if it hurts now. We carry pain and joy in equal measures.

This isn't really what you had in mind when you posted this I'm afraid. But since no one else has replied to your post, I thought I'd offer this here. I own an audio CD of the music soundtrack from the PBS TV series "New York". (Although I now live in the Midwest, I'm from New York [State] originally.) I love the music from that soundtrack. But it makes me feel so very sad.

As I listen, so many memories come flooding back... some of those fond memories you mentioned. But also so many memories of all terrible wreckage I left behind. Yes, I stand my ground. I'm a practitioner of the Buddhist technique called "compassionate abiding". I breathe into those memories & smile to them. Sometimes I'll even place my hand over my heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion for them. But oh... the pain...

I definitely understand looking back with fondness once the pain is gone. Honestly though I rarely think about my ex's. An occasional thought is great, but I think it's healthy (for me) to let it go.

Great responses, thank you.

I agree that it is best to let things go, or not look back on things with negativity. However, its hard for me since I have chosen a path of total solitude since my last relationship. I remember what being with someone felt like and it is a reminder. The problem I was and still am having is not being rendered useless by a flashback. I had one just this morning as I was exiting a dream. I find that my brain copes with things best by making me look at them. "Don't bury that feeling, deal with it."

I still have an ache of love from 4 years ago, but now it reminds me of that time not out of regret but out of the hope that I, one day, might have that feeling again. I don't intend to go looking for it, but I'm not going to inhibit. Feelings around trauma are notoriously tough to face. I hope I can explore this state with you and continue to invest in ways to improve coping.

Distractions help me, and writing things down seems to be the best remedy of all. I have been posting with increased frequency on my blog of late.

Thanks for your feedback, this was just the sort of thing I was hoping for.