[seesaw]

So, I am going to try and just summarize what happened today because all the details aren't important. The short of it is that I had a confrontation with a fellow consultant working for the same client. I did everything I could not to respond in anger or fear, or let my emotions dictate my response. Even though she insulted me and was extremely hostile, I did not respond in kind.

Even so, I had a massive panic attack before my meeting with the client and the other consultant was going to be there. I almost called to cancel. But I went through it, noting that if I got too overwhelmed I would excuse myself to the restroom. The meeting went fine. She sort of pretended like it didn't happen. The client seemed to not want to deal with it, which is fine. It should be dealt with between the two of us as an interpersonal difference. Part of what happened is that I made a suggestion, and she responded with great hostility, copying the client. I took the conversation between the two of us and said I'm not trying to get into an argument with you, I'm just giving my opinion. To which she brought the client back into it, by copying them, and saying that I was just firing off emails without asking questions (which was not true and in fact, the email I sent actually asked a question, which she did not want to answer, I guess) and said that my email asking the question was inappropriate, which it was not by any means.

Regardless of the fact that I know I didn't do anything wrong, my negative self talk took me into a downward shame spiral. I began to have a massive panic attack. Rather than respond to her in email any further, I simply said, we can discuss this further in person.

I was having a full on panic attack before the meeting, but I did everything I could to calm myself. Even after the meeting, in which the client seemed to not even care about our interpersonal difference, I had continued massive anxiety. And I realized that's because I was afraid of what the client was thinking. I was nervous that they would see the email exchange and think poorly of me...and all sorts of negative thoughts about myself.

I realized that I was engaging in this negative thought process that was unhelpful. And I wasn't acknowledging the whole picture. So I began to introduce some alternative thoughts into my head. First, I didn't do anything wrong, she responded to me with clear hostility, and I'm sure the client sees that. Two, I have proven that I do good work and the client has been nothing but happy with my work, not to mention the 400% increase in revenue over last year for the same period. So the idea that they would think poorly of me because I voiced a concern is very unlikely. If anything, they would note the other woman's unnecessarily hostile response to me. There was this feeling that I was a fraud or not good at what I do, but I have a proven track record of success and a stellar resume. So that doesn't fit either.

Basically, I took all my negative thoughts and challenged them by looking at the whole picture and looking at all the evidence and facts. Also accepting that I can't control what other people think of me nor can I read their minds to see what they think of me. If they don't see the contribution I have made, then that is their loss.

So even though this was a terrible day of anxiety, even though it was hard, I feel like I made progress in challenging my unhelpful thoughts and working on letting things like this go so they don't eat me alive. Hopefully as I continue to work on it, I will get better at heading the negative thoughts off at the pass, before they result in a full day of panic and anxiety about things I really can't control.

Seesaw

[KYWoman]

I'm glad you persevered and lived to share it! My anxiety/panic attacks have been increasing over time along with depression. Learning and understanding that we have coping tools in our toolbox can be a painful process. I've lost my toolbox....

[RubyRae]

Good job seesaw!

It's great that you were able to turn all those negative thoughts and beliefs around.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Good job seesaw!

It's great that you were able to turn all those negative thoughts and beliefs around.

Well, I'm continuing to try and self soothe tonight. i'm still quite upset by what happened and still feeling a lot of anxiety, but I feel proud of myself that I'm continuing to deal with it by self soothing and using my coping techniques versus getting confrontational or like trying to soothe my emotions by projecting the anger at someone else or the other negative things I might do. I actually might admit that this anxiety feels stronger than other times but I think it's because I actually know what the emotion is I'm identifying? Whereas in the past I would just get anger and act out in a rage. And then feel better because I took it out on someone else. So, this is definitely harder than relying on my negative coping skills BUT I won't end up ruining my life by saying or doing something stupid while angry.

Seesaw

[Thunder Bow]

Finding a new job might be an option. I would feel bad if I was in that situation.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Finding a new job might be an option. I would feel bad if I was in that situation.

Finding a new job isn't necessary. The problem isn't the job, it's my reaction to these situations, which has increased as of late due to my PTSD. And also, most of my clients are gems...and this woman isn't even the client, she's just another consultant. I don't work for her. Which I am continuing to remind myself.

But thanks for the support.

[FallDuskTrain]

Thank you, Seesaw, for sharing your story. It was Very timely for me because I have been working on controlling my own emotions in professional environment; your story is inspiring . Thank you.
Unfortunately these situations will repeat themselves. But, our reactions can break their habitual patterns. Lots of work to do.

[BLUEDOVE]

Bloody good for you! Given the confrontation,annndd,given your
anxiety etc.,this has been a heroic action on your part,with the
highest of courage--I so admire you.