[wordshaker]

I thought I was done with this but in meeting a new therapist today, to help me deal with work/productivity anxiety, the intake references to childhood abuse smacked me into a full on disassociative haze. I don't even know what to say. I'm so zoned out right now it's hard to think. I feel like my head is submerged in a bottle of glue. I think I'll go veg out awhile.

[Muser]

Hi Word,
The impact of abuse never really goes away, does it. I've heard some people ask why are people talking about stuff that happened 30 years ago. Well, we never forget. The emotional damage makes you feel like it happened yesterday. It's like PTSD. You think about it or talk about it and your pulse quickens and it all floods back. I think it creates an outlook of the world that is with us our entire lives. You end up never really trusting anyone.
I hope your new therapist is a good one. I pray they are helpful.
Wishing you the best!!

[Thunder Bow]

Your mind is just processing what you learned in therapy. Go with it.

[wordshaker]

no kidding, I am 40 years post child abuse. And actually, it does happen more frequently than I implied but to a lesser degree, and I tend to be a bit amnesic about it making it a surprise when it recurs.

I'd actually love more insight on the "forgetting" aspect, because it tends to apply to most stressful experiences for me. It's disconcerting/annoying when I want to recall something, but I suppose I should be thankful since it's really very protective.

Also, I'm not "triggered" by references to experiences as an adult. I can talk about those all day long. It's only the childhood ones that bother me. I wonder if that's common.

Thanks for replies

[Thunder Bow]

You will not be able to forget, but understanding is the path to healing.

[Medusax]

Ok...I'll bite...can someone please explain what Disassociative Haze is? I have never heard of that before...

[wordshaker]

From:
A providers guide to working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse

What is dissociation?

Dissociation is a mental process that causes a lack of connection in a person's thoughts, memory and sense of identity.

It falls on a continuum of severity.

Mild dissociation could be like daydreaming, getting "lost" in a book, or when you are driving down a familiar stretch of road and realize that you do not remember the last several miles.

A severe and more chronic form of dissociation is seen in the disorder Dissociative Identity Disorder, once called Multiple Personality Disorder. 71

Dissociation is a normal response to trauma, and allows the mind to distance itself from painful or overwhelming experiences. 72

Several studies have found a relationship between childhood sexual abuse and dissociation in adulthood. 21 22 23 24

Dissociation can also be defined as emotional detachment from traumatic stimuli that can be triggered by anxiety or a stressful situation. 19

It can be one of the methods of self-preservation that survivors may have used has children to cope with repeated sexual abuse. 19 20

Dissociation can be triggered by anxiety and is related to the severity of the abuse. 41 20

For me, stressful situations or revisiting the topic of past abuse can cause a deep brain fog to descend over me. It's very hard to think or function or carry on a conversation. I tend to forget having been in this state after the fact, and can't recall events very well when I've been in this state. On the upside I tend to forget unpleasant things, which is usually not a problem unless there's a need to recall, and it doesn't dramatically interfere with my life. But it's unpleasant and if bad it is accompanied by deep brain fog/haze (as if drugged), vague nausea, sense of being about to choke, floaty sensation, intense sense of being emotionally overwhelmed, feeling stunned/reeling/dazed as if from a blow to the head, a rushing or swirling sensation about the head, and a prolonged pressure in the head with a bit of headache.

So it's not too fun and is a bit like being sick while feeling deeply upset inside.