[marylin789]

When I was a teenager I had this love which I never thought it would have so much impact on my life. We were in a really short relationship if I can even call it that. We weren't compatible, we didn't get along, the only thing that was strong was the chemistry. He ended that relationship by ghosting me and I have never got the closure. In that time I was really hurt.

That was almost 10 years ago, but I catch myself every now and then thinking about him. We live in different cities and I haven't seen him for years, also I don't stalk him on internet. It's not that I'm missing him, or that I want to get in touch or even get back with him, it's nothing like that. I just want him to see me that I'm doing great and that I am happy, and maybe for him to think something like – gosh, she's so beautiful.

Today I'm successful, I am in a long term relationship with a man I really love, who is my soulmate and with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life. But on the other hand, I feel really stupid about lightly obsessing about this childish love that was a decade ago. In the meantime I had other relationships which were so much greater and real, but I guess just because I haven't got that closure I can't truly let go of it. I want to get rid of that feeling, but I can't really determine why am I feeling like that?

[Skeezyks]

Hello marylin: Thanks for sharing this experience. I guess the one thing I can say is that there are a couple of "young loves" I still muse about periodically in much the same way you're doing... & I'm pushing 70 years old & have been happily married for 38 years! So, to me at least, what you're experiencing seems quite normal.

I see this was your first post here on PC. I'm sorry it has taken us this long to reply. Please forgive us. We're usually better than this. Anyway... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

Hi Marylin, it's a little while since you posted and not sure if you'll come back and read this but will leave you my thoughts.

I think our first loves always stay in our hearts a bit, I am in my 40s now and still remember a guy I had my first intense connection with when I was 17, that's nearly 30 years ago now. I ghosted him actually, not very mature of me (I had a lot of maturing and living to do), and we fell out of each others lives. My life moved on, marriage, now grown up family, but he has cropped up in my mind a few times.

Why does it stay with us? Well, I think it may be less to do with the person themselves but more to do with their part in our own growing up and what that meant to us. To you, as you felt rejected, maybe he represents that rejection and is tied in with your need for validation.

For me because I did the rejecting I needed to know he was happy - I googled him, he has a successful career, married, kids - of course I don't know the full details of his life but I like to think he is very happy. It was kind of a closure for me, like you I don't want or seek contact but I think I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for his memory.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think it's normal, as long as you don't try to contact him. First love is an unforgettable experience

[Wearemusic]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I think it's normal, as long as you don't try to contact him. First love is an unforgettable experience

Actually, maybe contacting him would bring about closure.

[MarmeeNoir]

Originally Posted by Wearemusic

Actually, maybe contacting him would bring about closure.

I would advise against it. I think it would only bring heartache.

It sounds like to me you want him regret letting you go? How would you know what he's thinking YKWIM? I just think contacting him wouldn't be satisfying. I was in a scenario close to yours in HS except we were FWB. I spent enough emotional energy on him then, **** what he thinks now.

[Loose Screw x 2]

I would say that what this guy thinks of you doesn't really matter. You went on to greater things and whatever bad things happened in the past, you survived and defeated it. You are a soldier. I congratulate you!

[riptide53]

Interesting subject- I was on a site that deals with rekindling lost love and actually went the gamut for closure. I wrote and sent a letter of apology to a man I was deeply in love with and broke off the relationship. That was forty five years ago and I can honestly say I have never loved anyone the way I loved him. His daughter, age 25, responded to my letter saying that her dad asked her to respond as he was totally blinded in a car accident in his 20's and unable to read. I did not get closure; my first letter was to the point, lacking any real emotion. Had he been able to read I would have sent another telling him what was really in my heart and how it took me many years to figure this out after failed marriages, etc. However, in this instance, closure was not achieved and I carry this burden on a daily basis, knowing I will never meet anyone even remotely like him in my lifetime. Youth really is wasted on the young.