[CluckyBear]

Recently, I have started a new job and have been thinking about some of my actions in my previous job and I'm scared that it's going to happen all over again.

Being socially anxious sometimes I used to drink before work, just enough to take the edge off and to help me relax; however, after a few months of working there, I think sometimes this made me irritable and would sometimes have an angry outburst (along with me being sick of everyone's façade)

I remember one night we attended an awards ceremony on the same night as my birthday and we went out drinking afterwards. I was having a great night and was enjoying myself on the dance floor, until I had turned around and realized that everyone that I was with had left the club. I assumed that they had left me by myself and went to another club.

When I got home I was so angry that I actually kept hitting myself until my face had bruised so that I could gain their sympathy the next day for them leaving me.

When I came into work I soon found out that everyone was tired and got taxis home and didn't realize I was still on the dancefloor and when they (obviously) seen the bump on my head I just told them that I was drunk and can't remember and that I must have just hit my head.

I have noticed that it's when I have been drinking that my subconscious thoughts start to surface.

I would be lying if I said I don't really drink anymore; I drink in the morning before work (like I used to in my past job) to take the edge off.
Unfortunately, I feel like I just have no personality or sense of self without it!

Obviously, this is wrong and I know that. I have finally made an appointment with my GP, but sometimes I feel like I'm being dramatic and end up putting it off.

Do you ever just feel like your thoughts aren't your own sometimes?

[Skeezyks]

Good luck with your GP appointment. You don't mention if you see a therapist. If not, that may be the other thing to consider. From what you wrote, it sounds as though this really is something you need to get to the bottom of, so to speak. Please don't put it off...

[CluckyBear]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Good luck with your GP appointment. You don't mention if you see a therapist. If not, that may be the other thing to consider. From what you wrote, it sounds as though this really is something you need to get to the bottom of, so to speak. Please don't put it off...

Thank you so much!

No matter how fine I feel (or convince myself that I am), I still can't deny that sometimes my behaviour is odd.

With the NHS, I am hoping that my GP can refer me to a therapist as I hope for a better understanding of myself rather than to just medicate.