Suggestions on temporarily blocking stuff out?

Hi guys. So I am an 18 year old pre med student and I am going to have my entry exam to medical school in a couple months.. Now a little background -The issue is that my father is emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. He often threatens to pull us(my brother and I) out of school because “it’s my money”, “you are living at my mercy” etc etc. He is the classic narcissistic, hypocrite parent. He is tyrannical, unpredictable and never really made an effort to be a parent except paying the bills. I mean, there have been points of time where he got our ages wrong on plane tickets etc. He hasn’t physically abused me, but he has hit my brother. How extreme is the magnitude of physical abuse? Well, once my brother ate cuppa-noodles in place of a balanced meal and my mother was reprimanding him for it, and that exact moment, my father came back from work and then he flew into a rage and said “there is never peace in this house”(which is not true). After which he proceeded to drag my brother(14 year old) down the stairs and kept hitting him. My brother ended up with a perforated eardrum and several bruises on his face and arms. The next day he came to my brother with tears in his eyes and said “please forgive me, I was drunk”. This is just one incidence, there have been others. Did I mention my father is a doctor? Now coming to his relationship with my mother. He is a disgusting husband, and you can go ahead and check all boxes on emotional, verbal and some physical abuse(I have recently come to know that he hit my mother when she was pregnant), I do not know if there has been sexual abuse in their relationship. The problem is that he thrives on conflict, feeds on it. And ever since I was a child, he goes off periodically on my mother, finding faults in her “if you can’t make your husband happy, what have you accompilished in life?” She is a doctor too. He unjustly accuses her of neglecting him which is not true. Now, my father’s lifeblood is attention, he will get hold of the mic at someone’s wedding and proceed to give a speech without being asked to, basically he can not tolerate attention not being on him. So, ever since I was a child, whenever he went off on my mother, he would make me sit in the room and listen. In the beginning it seemed so fascinating, he seemed like god, the man with the power and the charm berating my mother. But in the past couple years I have realised that that was so wrong on so many levels, I can’t even begin on that. But fortunately, I’ve made it relatively unscathed so far and plan to seek psychological assistance once I go to college(fingers crossed, in a different city). But for the time being, when he blows off on my mother, like today he walked off in the morning and threatened to not come back(he’s done a lot of these, he always comes back, proceeds to scream and scream at my mother for an hour or two, regains calm and acts like nothing happened from the next day, until he does it again) it really affects me badly. Like I had this great study rhythm going with the revision and everything and now I haven’t been able to concentrate for the last 3 hours. And I live in India and the education system is well, not that pedagogically superior like that in the USA or UK, and here the score on the entry exam is the final word on whether you get into med school or not(no interviews or essays are taken). So the score is paramount. Since the exam is just in a couple months, and you can’t retake it for another year, I really need to focus. Because if I do not get a top score, I probably won’t get a college in the city I want and I am dead scared of having to go to a college in my hometown and live under this tyrannical man’s roof. But even then I find it so hard to concentrate after he creates these periodic(twice a month approx) scenes. So, I have two months left to go, I’ve made it pretty well this far, but now I need help. Can you guys suggest some ways I can stop going into flashbacks and focus on my study? Like block it out temporarily? Just for two months? Thanks. And thanks for reading this loooooong thing.

Hi. Maybe ten minutes of meditation per day or practicing 'mindfulness' could help to a degree. Mindfulness is a kind of mental process that helps with letting go of thoughts and calming the mind. There's a lot of info on the internet about it. All the best with everything and keep up the good work.

Do your best to ignore the asshole. Stay in your room. Hang out with friends. Find a place that’s peaceful enough for you to study. This upcoming thing could very well determine how you will live your whole life. Sounds like he may be an alcoholic. Mother and father both doctors and such a dysfunctional situation !
Concentrate solely on yourself, and I know that will be hard , but you have to.
It’s not your job to fix your father. The anger I had towards my father because of abuse towards me and my mom almost completely destroyed my life.
Don’t let that happen to you. You need wisdom beyond your years right now.
If your religious, pray. Maybe seek counseling.
Best of luck to you.

Maybe i missed something but why havent you guys done anything to get rid of him? Can you?

Thanks @continuouslyblue, I needed to hear that.

Well, @celestialflame the thing is that it’s not that simple. We are majorly financially dependent on him, not that my mother doesn’t earn, she does, but she is not the principal earner, someone had to raise the kids you know, ‘cause my alphamale-I-don’t-bother-with-diapers-or-parent-teacher-days father couldn’t be troubled with it. He considers all this beneath him. And he is socially influential, like everyone in the city knows him, it’s like he is this great senior doctor of the city, invited to speak in schools and stuff.. So his name attached to ours is a giant identity label, if we are not his kids, the who are we?. Plus, there is no such thing as social security or child protective services in India, you are on your own. Plus the stigma is HUGE like whoa huge. Super duper intricate socioeconomic maze. And sometimes I feel guilty for hating him, the clothes that I’m wearing, the laptop that I’m typing on, his money got it all. But then my brain says just paying for things doesn’t make a parent. So yes, it’s messed up.

Update: he is back and now he is screaming at my mother. And now I am so tense I don’t think I’m getting any sleep tonight.

Rubbing hot peppers on his toothbrush would be a good start...

You are his child, being taken care of financially should not incur guilt or shame.
Providing for a child is the consequence of the choice to bring the child into the world, it’s great if the child is grateful, but it does not give the parent any special rights against the child’s mental or physical health if the child has grievances.
Abuse is the wrong action, even if it comes with a laptop or a steak dinner.
Hang in there, keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.
Is your brother resilient as well?

considering you are in india I did some googling... the heirarchy of family is different in india than here in america, the father or other adult male in charge of the familyis the all decision and controller in the family. that means your father according to india's laws is well with in his rights as head of household to treat those with in the household as he sees fit in order to keep the family in control, disciplined and socially acceptable. in other words india goes according to a "caste system"

based on this I would not be able to say its right or wrong whats going on in your family, how you need to do this or that....

what I can say is that if this continues to bother you maybe you can sit down with your father and explain how getting through your schooling will actually benefit the family and what ever "caste" your family is. how your schooling will help you to help profide financially for you and your family.... you know add all the good points you can that will bring health well being and good reputations, socially and economically acceptable .... you know all that stuff that is the reason behind why your father has allowed you to gain a higher education for... maybe having a conversation with him that isnt going to belittle his manhood, reputation and as financial supporter of the family will help him to understand you need his help. maybe even offer to help out with your siblings more so that your father wont have to keep such a firm hold with everyone.

and lastly if things get too bad in your household there is help India Help Hotlines, Helplines & Suicide Lifelines for Kids, Teens & Women. they will be able to help figure out what to do next in a way that wont cause harm to you and your family members because of going against the head of household (father)

By default I'd just say - Think of how you won't let this man ruin your life. That means getting angry enough to be able to block out the ****. Not overly angry beyond that though. Just sort of self-assertion. That's how it works for me sometimes at least - I hope this made sense.

Flashbacks... sounds strongly traumatic. Read up on how PTSD people handle their emotions?

Good luck!

Thanks for saying that. Well, it’s a little different for my brother. My response to my father’s behaviour is fear and avoidance, I run to my room as soon as he comes back from work. I eat at a different time than him and I barely communicate with him. But my brother finds it restricting to be that scared, like he goes up to the kitchen to eat when he is hungry and per chance my father sees him and then my brother is the perfect victim for a beration. Once he came to my room crying and told me that he had flashbacks and he remembers once my father cornered him against a wall and held onto his collarbone so hard, my brother was afraid his collarbone would fracture. But even then, it’s harder from him to be constantly on alert like I am, so he is the more frequent target. But I keep telling him to protect himself and he’s starting to understand it slowly. I honestly think my father is a sociopath, I mean every article I read online, his behaviour checks all the boxes of a sociopath. Even the article on sociopath parents on psychcentral. He is witty, charismatic and charming to people on the outside, hurts us physically and emotionally without regret, says instead that we hurt him irreversibly with our behaviour, when his fit of rage passes, he flips back to calm and acts like nothing happened and it’s all roses and lilies and expects us to do the same. It’s like no one can have a mood but him; no one can have a preference or personality but him.

I wish when I was young I had stayed out of my father's way...and when I left the house never looked back. Unfortunately my mother was ill so I had to return again and again.

I would say force yourself to think about your goals. Your profession will lead to financial independent and liberation. Don't mess up your studies. Be strong.

I would say use mindfulness not to escape...but to ground yourself. I think it is okay to stay in your room. But if you have trouble getting to sleep you might try deep breathing...or...find a guided meditation audio online. I recommend Michael Sealey on YouTube. He is the best!

Hang in there.