Bullies

I agree 100% . I too was told to toughen up and deal with it myself. I stayed quiet and never fought back. To this day I freeze in conflict situations which I think was because of this.

It is never okay to bully and children must be supported by adults.

As for how we move forward as adults that is another matter.

Sprout, I, too, have been bullied as a child and as an adult by many people. I think the key is to let them know they cannot push you around and to stand up for oneself. Toughness needs toughness in response.

I was singled out and bullied in elementary school. It was terrible. I was the “fat” kid in the 70s when the kids weren’t fat. When I look at pictures, I don’t even look fat! I just wasn’t skinny.

I used to think I snapped, but now that I’m older, I think I was probably bipolar back then. In 7th grade, I decided to “get them.” Fortunately, I couldn’t catch them, but I tried. One of them put her shoe on the back of my chair on my hair and raked down, yanking my hair and head. I jumped up and chased her sorry ***. I was going to beat the tar out of her if I caught her, and she and her friends could tell. They screamed and were saying OMG. I don’t know if I really would have hit her if I caught her. I’ve never actually been in a fight, but that is what I had decided the next time anyone tried anything!

Then a boy shoved my friend out of her chair, and I got him. I stepped on his foot and shoved him backwards, and he hit the ground in the lunch room. when he started yelling, I stomped on his malt and it shot across the floor. I thought I was going to get in trouble because he told on me, but I didn’t.

None of them bothered me again.

Today I would be in trouble. My daughter says you aren’t allowed to fight back in school.

At work, several years ago, one of my coworkers was mean to the admin assistants. I don’t remember this at all, but my friend told me that I asked him who told him he could treat people like that, and where did he learn to act like that? She said I scared him <shrugs>.

The only thing I remember is telling him in an email that I did not appreciate his tone or demeanor when he was talking to me.

He was very alarmed as I recall.

Did you have life experiences with bullying during your youth?

^This! So much, this!

Almost every bully I have encountered plays the victim to authority while gossiping about people behind their backs or getting ppl to gang up on the real victim. When the real victim tries to stand up for themselves, the bully paints them as the bully and often people believe it. It's seriously manipulative and pathological behavior. I am always wary when someone tells me they are being bullied until I hear the whole story.

Then what you said about 'bullies smelling you out' may actually be quite accurate... Not literally of course... But the events of our youth/childhood which create strong and challenging emotional states can leave a lasting energetic 'impression' upon us... And this 'impression' stays with us until we heal those emotional wounds... So when someone comes along who may be predisposed to bullying, and they encounter someone who has that lingering, unhealed 'impression' from their past - well it's like two pieces of a puzzle fitting together and the behavior/interaction repeats itself...

If you are continuing to encounter bullying behavior during the course of your adulthood - that's your sign/indicator that there is some 'unresolved business' within you which still needs to be addressed and resolved (healed). Respectfully, I would focus much less on the current 'bullies' and instead focus on your childhood/upbringing and try to reconnenct with your 'younger self' to discover just what type of emotional energy is still lingering within you and needs to be processed & released. Easier said than done of course - but you can accomplish this... When you find what needs to be healed , and you courageously allow yourself to feel, experience, and purge (release) that unresolved emotional energy - then you will find that you are no longer a magnet for bullies and bullying behavior.