So my mother refused to go to DBT therapy after my new therapist who I been seeing for about 4 months now, suggesred it to her when my mother came in one session with my partner.

I spoke to my mother about it and she said she doesn't trust the public health system (In New Zealand we get free public mental health care)
Because of my last 18 months of my ex student therapist. Which was nightmare. She also said to me how my partner is going to go and tell her how it goes the dbt family therapy. That she do research about it.

Did my mum do research about it? No. She didnt. Not suprised there.

Its werid because my mum is unwillingly to help. But she goes and helps my sister in her study at University. My mum will sit and listen to my sister the whole vening of her complaining about stuff and how bad stuff is.
No seriously my sister wilk go on about how she was in yhe bus and heard this girl from University that she doesnt know of. About how she had the best day of her life and went to this concert and how her parents paid for the tickets and that she would pay it back on the student loan. Or how the teachers at University arenot doing there job right or how srudents in class are notnoaying sttention in class room and instead watch youtube on there laptops. Thst kind of thing.

But my mum is never interested whst I have to say.

My sister had fight st me ater telling how I feel sad mum wont come to dbt group therapy. My sister told me how group therapy is about contemplating the person feelings. She went far as to say when I start work again the staff peoole would have to go to group therapy to contemplate my feelings.

Which I know is not true but thats how surface thinking my mum and sistet are.

In saying that my new therapist told me after asking her why I haven't got better after all the therapy I have done
So for example age 11 I went to therapy for OCD.
Age 22 I went for therapy for OCD again.
Age 25 I went to therapy for anxeity and now its for traits of bordline personatily disorder.

My therapist told me its due to high expressed emotion from family.
Apparently what it is
High expressed emotion involves more criticism, hostility, and emotional over-involvement than low expressed emotion. Family members high in expressed emotion cause relapse in psychological disorders such as schizophrenia, alcoholism, children with learning disabilities, and bipolar disorder.

I havent told my mother this because she would refused to believe it and say its all me.


Anyway I feel really hurt. I feel emtpy like a shell. My mum pretends like none thing has happened.

I have try to talk to mum and even I emailed her saying
Quote " spoke to my therapist about what is the dbt family therapy about. She told me its about meeting other families who are dealing with a family member experiencing BPD and to teach the family members skills to cope with themsleves when the person has episode of BPD. Its like when I was little I went to therapy for ocd and you had your own pirvate session how to cope with daughter with ocd. Same thing. It's like say someone has schizophrenia and he lives with his family. Well the family would need support how to cope with there son with schizophrenia . Its same say if you had acholic family member and you lived with them they would need to support how to cope with the family member and his drinking.Thats all. It's not about compensate the person feelings.

Just so you have little more information. "

End of quote.

I even said that and still she won't go. I know I cant make her go. But still you would of think a mother wpuld go right?
Its painful to see my mum wont be supportive but she will be towards my sister.

I dont know how to deal with these feelings since Im living with them so everyday is painful day.

I am sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like a rough situation.

My own mother refused to acknowledge I had mental health issues. My thinking about this was that by doing so, it would have meant admitting not all was perfect in the world of misguided perfection she desperately tried to make everyone think it was. She took my mental health situation personally as though it was some slight against her. In reality, I am sure she was hiding her own mental health problems. Does any of this sound familiar? I too have a siblng who was doted on as perfect.

Is there a father figure in your life? Is it possible to lean on him at all? Could he act as a go-between for you and your mother?

Is there someone who could be her proxy at the session?

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I am sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like a rough situation.

My own mother refused to acknowledge I had mental health issues. My thinking about this was that by doing so, it would have meant admitting not all was perfect in the world of misguided perfection she desperately tried to make everyone think it was. She took my mental health situation personally as though it was some slight against her. In reality, I am sure she was hiding her own mental health problems. Does any of this sound familiar? I too have a siblng who was doted on as perfect.

Is there a father figure in your life? Is it possible to lean on him at all? Could he act as a go-between for you and your mother?

Is there someone who could be her proxy at the session?

Im sorry to hear you hadnto experience thaf.
Yeah it does sound familiar.
I was thinking maube this whole thing they blame us for there issues. Is maube they have a unhealthy attachment to us.

My parwnts broke up qhen I was 7.
My dad vists but he has his own issues. He not capable of emotional support unfortunately. The only person I have is my partner.