I registered here to work through a past relationship. Even though I reached my goal of letting that one go, I've decded to stay while I work on other issues because the people here have been so kind and supportive

My longer-term project has been working in therapy to let go of parents who weren't good to me. Right now, I find myself grieving the fact that I never really had a mother... She took care of me physically, but emotionally, she was harmful. I feel I just need to share now that I'm feeling really sad about never having had the kind of mother I needed

As much as this hurts, feeling the pain releases me to see my mother as she is, to stop waiting for her to change, and to do what I have to do to protect myself. I do love her and am grateful for the good things she did do for me, but that doesn't mean I have to keep my mouth shut about the things she does that hurt me. I'm learning that I can love and be angry at the same person.

[happysobercrafter]

I am very sorry to hear this. My mother also was a huge problem for me and it is so painful! And if that isn't bad enough, there is always Mother's Day to remind us of what we missed out on. Truly, I am sorry you had to go through this, but, at the same time, that is an incredibly important lessen for you to master. it sucks when we find out our folks are messed up and we have to go through lengthy process to get ourselves healthy.

You are right about releasing the pain, it really clears up your vision. I am assuming your mother is still alive? You are in touch with her or no? What about your day. I hope it is ok to ask those questions. If not, I will respect your choice.

I’ve been there. Still working through it. It’s tough. Letting go of the guilt and shame is the hardest part. Be gentle and kind to yourself. You need self care and self compassion above all.

[Medusax]

I know this problem well. Long story short? My parents should not have been parents. They were not abusive physically, it was emotional and mental. Does anyone remember Bill Cosby's comedy routine where he tells his children that his mother (their beloved grandmother) "That is NOT the woman I grew up with! You are looking at an old woman that is trying to get into heaven now." Well, that is my mom. She is 92 now, and she remembers things as they were not. My father was "nice"? Ummmm...do you not remember complaining about him all my life? Do you not remember how he treated us? And things of that nature? These problems would have and willnever be resolved because, above all, there was "nothing wrong" with my they themselves, and all my supposed "problems" were "all in my head"
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