A confession I guess

This has been bothering me lately, it's something I've felt bad about for ages.

In first school my best friend started laughing at this boy in the year below us, and calling him names (not really offensive things, childish things like "bumbum" or something). I never really understood why but I thought it was some sort of game so I joined in.

One day, I don't know how it happened but she thought it would be funny to hide his bag in the cloakroom (I can't remember where now) but she was too scared to do it. So I did it instead. I don't know why, I think it was to impress her or make myself look better than her, something stupid like that. Obviously I got told off for it. I tried to blame my friend but the teachers didn't believe me (and really she was the one that encouraged me to do it).

I've always felt bad about it. I never had anything against this boy, I knew nothing about him, he was just a random boy like all the other boys. I don't know if my friend actually had anything against him either, or why she made fun of him, I never found out.

I sometimes feel like I deserved to be bullied all the way through middle school and high school as a punishment for that. But I never actually "bullied" him and neither did the friend. It was just sillyness. There was no actual malice in it. But still I feel bad and ashamed.

Just wanted to get that out and see if it made me feel any better.

glad you got that out their

do you feel better for it?

Yes, I haven't thought about it anymore since writing it.

Nobody deserves years of constant bullying and abuse. Certainly not you, after all you were only a child when you did those things. I'm sorry you've had to suffer but I'm glad writing it here makes you feel better, at least.

I did a lot of stupid things when I was little. I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen.

Everybody does stupid things sometimes. If you didn’t feel bad about it, you wouldn’t have a conscience. I feel bad sometimes about the way I have treated people in the past. We can’t change it. Going forward we can make a deliberate choice to do better though.