[StripedTapir]

I hope this is an okay place to post this!

How do you deal with feeling ugly and being embarrassed/ashamed of your looks?

[MickeyCheeky]

((((StripedTapir)))) It's not easy to deal with. It usually has deeper roots, usually with your own self-esteem. What do you think of yourself outside f your phsyical appearence? Do you see a therapist?

[martinerous]

I know that this might sound cruel and not a good practice, but I feel I must be open and admit the following.

When I get carried away by self-deprecating thoughts concerning my physical appearance and behavior peculiarities, I go and watch some videos about people who have some serious health conditions and who have built their lives despite all the problems they have.

I know that, in general, such people don't like that they are being used as "inspirations" for others (although I myself being legally blind since birth don't have any objections to that), but that is how our subconscious seems to work - your self confidence gets a boost whenever you see someone in a worse situation than you.

That's why bullies like to bully. In this sense, helping some person with special needs could also be considered "bullying" because the helper is still using that person to get his own satisfaction. But it's much more constructive because in this case both sides get the boost of positive emotions, unlike when bullying.

Also, you could think about your visual style - is there some particular features that you'd like to hide or to accent? It can be done with many tricks - hairstyle, glasses, some makeup, clothing patterns etc.

I notice you are a 19 year old female. At that age I would focus on things I didn't like about my appearance rather than my strengths. I think my self esteem was low sometimes. I don't know how you look but do you think some of your feelings about being ugly are overblown?

I am 55 now and do not look as good as I looked in my 20s but despite the fact that my looks are going downhill, I am more comfortable with the way I look! I look at some of my pictures in my 20s (especially the ones after I had lost some weight) and say, "I looked pretty good". I do not look that good anymore but am not as self conscious. So the good news is--with time, you can learn to accept yourself for who you are! It is one of the few benefits of aging.

Also, eating healthy, exercising and trying to find clothes that fit right (not to tight or loose) helps too. With time, I hope you learn self acceptance like I did.

[StripedTapir]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

((((StripedTapir)))) It's not easy to deal with. It usually has deeper roots, usually with your own self-esteem. What do you think of yourself outside f your phsyical appearence? Do you see a therapist?

Don't think much of myself outside of my physical appearance.
Will be seeing a new therapist very soon

[StripedTapir]

Originally Posted by martinerous

When I get carried away by self-deprecating thoughts concerning my physical appearance and behavior peculiarities, I go and watch some videos about people who have some serious health conditions and who have built their lives despite all the problems they have.

I have done this before! but it just doesn't seem to work anymore

Originally Posted by martinerous

Also, you could think about your visual style - is there some particular features that you'd like to hide or to accent? It can be done with many tricks - hairstyle, glasses, some makeup, clothing patterns etc.

I have really really tried to change my style somehow to make myself feel and look better; but nothing works. My skin reacts badly to makeup, i can't do much with my hair and i just feel silly and self-concious in a lot of clothing

[StripedTapir]

Originally Posted by Nowinners

I don't know how you look but do you think some of your feelings about being ugly are overblown?

Friends have confirmed that i am in fact ugly.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((StripedTapir)))) How did they say it exactly? Did they just flat out told you you were ugly? That's not very nice I'm sorry you're struggling with your sefl-esteem. I hope things will go well with your new therapist

[StripedTapir]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

((((StripedTapir)))) How did they say it exactly? Did they just flat out told you you were ugly? That's not very nice

They've never said it as blunt as that, but they've brought up the subject of me being unattractive several times. Sometimes they try to give me advice and other times they're making a joke about it.
Once a friend made a comment about how me and her are the only ugly girls in the class. The rest of my classmates all came to her defense and complimented her. Noone said anything to me

I've had strangers call me ugly too

Originally Posted by StripedTapir

The rest of my classmates all came to her defense and complimented her. Noone said anything to me

I've had strangers call me ugly too

That is terrible and must have stung.

As we get older, I do think some of our personalities and life experiences start showing in the lines on our face. For instance, a preacher at a church I attended lost his son and the sadness was etched on his face. Have you read the The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde? Some of my friends from my youth look more attractive to me now than in their youth--I think their deep down goodness just sort of shines brighter and brighter year after year. And my looks are going down hill but my husband says I am beautiful and I feel like he means it. He looks better to me than ever.

As we get older, having friends we can trust and count on is much more important than having good looking friends. I also think that who we fall in love with is not based on how the person looks. It's how you connect with them. As you get older, you will get a better perspective about this, but I am sorry that people have been so insensitive about your feelings and I hope I didn't make you feel bad either.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((StripedTapir)))) That was a really rude and insensitive thing to say by your friends. I'm so sorry to hear it

[nicoleflynn]

Don't ever let someone else determine who or what you are. People who are cruel and insecure and want you to feel bad; those people are NOT friends.

[Pixie1]

I went through the same thing throughout my early teenage years. People can be so cruel & hurtful. A true friend would never hurt you like that. Never be ashamed or embarrassed about your looks. I am certain you are a wonderful person and I know you’ve heard it before but beauty is not about looks it comes from the heart. Concentrate on being the best version of yourself and you WILL be beautiful to those who appreciate & deserve your friendship. Good luck to you.

[My Paper Heart]

What if everyone's answers weren't based on age and being young?

I have the exact same question: How do you deal with feeling ugly and being ashamed of your looks? Except I'm in my 30's and I've already accepted it as a fact (thank you to my mother for planting that seed and growing it to have strong, deep roots by picking apart my looks every single day). I see myself as ugly and I can't be convinced otherwise anymore... All to the extent that I feel so uncomfortable and awkward with compliments that I consider the person giving it a liar and I question the validity of their beliefs for complimenting my looks. (Seriously, I just lost interest in a potential romantic relationship because he said he's been wanting to take me out ever since he saw how "beautiful" I was the first time he saw me.)

I know it's not normal to think that way but other than ignoring that little voice in my head that says it, what can I do? (Yes, I see a therapist weekly but we have more important topics to cover; it's pretty low on the totem pole. She didn't even realize it needed to be added to the list of topics to discuss until almost a year into our time together.)