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  #1  
Old Nov 28, 2018, 08:46 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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I posted about this elsewhere...my sweet little rescue dog is going to die. Hopefully not before Christmas...but it's bad. He's very sick.

I took him in for shots before Thanksgiving. He was running a fever and there were other signs. We did a CBC and found his platelets and white blood cells were obscenely low. He was put on a strong antibiotic with the thought it was a tick-born illness. We rechecked after Thanksgiving, geez, I can't believe it was just yesterday that we rechecked and this has all happened so fast. He had lost a significant amount of weight in that week. And the CBC was even lower. So the antibiotic did nothing.

We immediately went to a specialist. A whole bunch of tests later, he has aggressive lymphoma. For a variety of reasons that I'm not going get into, we are not going to do chemotherapy. We also don't know yet if it's T cell or B cell, so we don't know if chemo would even be helpful. He's on prednisone for now, and that will fight the cancer. But not for long and the cancer will eventually beat the prednisone. At most we're looking at 6 months...probably not even that long.

I'm a wreck. Not coping well. This poor dog has been through so much. He's tried so hard for me to recover from his abusive past. He's only 3. He's still a baby. He's afraid of the world, agoraphobic. He only trusts me, will only let me pet him. He was too afraid to relieve himself for the past 24 hours at the vet's.

I'm just falling apart with this. I can't make sense of it. It's unjust and unfair. There's no rational explanation. He doesn't deserve it; he didn't get it because I didn't take care of him. I can't blame anyone, not even myself. And the sad thing is that my sweet boy, who has already suffered so much, will have to suffer a bit more before the end. And I will have to grieve this little boy that I love so much.

He changed my life. He gave me my sleep back. I have a service dog, but this guy was just a pet. But even so, he was a natural alerter and would actually alert a few seconds before my service dog. He's a master cuddler. Never had a dog cuddle like he does before. And he's too cute for words. Everyone says so.

I'm so sad beyond belief and description right now. I've been crying for 2 days straight now...and I don't know when it will stop.

Seesaw
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #2  
Old Nov 28, 2018, 10:05 PM
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Raindropvampire Raindropvampire is offline
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I'm so sorry Seesaw. This is so massively unfair.
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  #3  
Old Nov 28, 2018, 10:11 PM
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SvanThor SvanThor is offline
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Hey Sees, it's so good to see your face again, though the circumstances are very sad. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, through everything just remember that it's normal to fall apart at the passing of a pet, I have done it myself many times and it's sometimes as traumatic as losing a family member because they truly are family. Sending love your way.
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  #4  
Old Nov 29, 2018, 04:16 AM
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MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
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((((seesaw)))) I'm so sorry you and your dog are struggling. Take your time to grieve and heal. Like you said, it's not your fault, so please don't balem yourself for anything that happened. I understand you must be feeling pretty bad right now... still, let's hope for the best outcome. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Let us know how it goes
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  #5  
Old Nov 29, 2018, 09:03 AM
Anonymous32451
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I am sorry to hear about the dog. I hope you enjoy the time you have left with him- and that when he does eventually go, you'll think about the happy times you spent together- and the joy he braught to your life.

remember to also take time for yourself though. it's okay to cry, to scream, to do what ever you need to do to griev- and their's no time limit on it either, take as long as you need
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  #6  
Old Nov 29, 2018, 09:07 AM
Anonymous32451
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I don't share this with anyone, but when I was about 6, I had a pet mouse called zack. he wasn't my first pet, but he was a treasured pet

when he died, I did cry, and I was devistated. we ended up burying him outside (I couldn't bare life without him), and I somehow thought that the fresh clean air would somehow be good for him and he'll come back and be just as good as he was before he died.

every day I went to see him hoping he would, and I did that for many, many years.

of course, he never did

but that's how I coped with it
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  #7  
Old Nov 29, 2018, 03:11 PM
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Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
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  #8  
Old Nov 29, 2018, 07:03 PM
Anonymous45521
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One thing that gives me solace when a beloved animal passes is that I just do think there are not enough of us loving wonderful pet parents out there. And in a karmic sense / or god sense... perhaps another animal just needs you MORE.

Focus on how much love your dog got from you and how great you made his life. Animals, are blessed with no being self aware. They are in the moment and to them it is 3 minutes or three hours they don't really know. But they do know, hey there is that person I like that person is being nice to me.

On a practical note, have you looked into hemp or CBD oil for dogs? I have seen hemp do amazing things for my cat (not curing cancer but helpful) CBD for Dogs With Lymphoma - How Much Should You Give
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  #9  
Old Nov 29, 2018, 11:16 PM
Anonymous50384
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I am so sorry, Seesaw.
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  #10  
Old Dec 01, 2018, 01:22 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Oh I am so so sorry to hear that seesaw.
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  #11  
Old Dec 01, 2018, 05:11 AM
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MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
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How is it going, seesaw?
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  #12  
Old Dec 02, 2018, 06:01 PM
BeastMan BeastMan is offline
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I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're doing better now.
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  #13  
Old Dec 02, 2018, 06:07 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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It's still rough. He seems to be stabilized after the initial weight loss. I'm not sure the prednisone is doing much but he doesn't seem to be losing MORE weight. He's being picky about food but he will eat some things for me, so that's good. Gonna go broke buying chicken breast for him, lol. He's turning down wet dog food. So I'm strategizing. I've had to do like 3 meals a day for him the past week to try and stave off the weight loss.

I'm hoping the vet will okay me taking him up to the mountains next weekend. However, I'm reading a lot of different things about when to help them pass. I don't want to wait for him to get too sick to eat or poop or stand. He really has very little energy now and I'm not sure it will get better. I'm sort of hoping I'll get an idea in the next few weeks, that he'll show me. I think if the weight loss begins again and his appetite staves again, then it will be time. I'm not going to let him suffer any more than he has to.

I'm still having a hard time with it. I cry a few times a day. I do think it's more hard because I'm living with making a decision versus it being over and grieving...I think I cry more because I am unsure what to do for him, not because he's gone. That may be selfish, I don't know.

He did have enough energy to come up on the sofa and get in my face briefly this afternoon. He has done that in a week. Wagging his little tail. I thanked him for giving me some love.

I'll miss his smelly farts when he's gone.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #14  
Old Dec 04, 2018, 06:34 AM
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wolfgaze wolfgaze is offline
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a cbd-rich hemp oil could be helpful:

10 Things You Didn't Know About CBD Oil For Dogs
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  #15  
Old Dec 04, 2018, 07:21 AM
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MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
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I'm so sorry you're struggling, seesaw You and your dog don't deserve to go through any of this. I'm sorry you have to deal with this
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  #16  
Old Dec 06, 2018, 02:21 PM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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I believe we are, in every sense, guardians to our animals.

I know you take this very seriously.
Your dog has been very fortunate to have you.
I know you are very concerned about his suffering.

I feel you will know best re: when to stop his suffering.

Love and Prayers,

WC
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  #17  
Old Dec 07, 2018, 09:07 AM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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I decided this morning to say goodbye to him this afternoon. He's struggling to get around. He is still eating small amounts but still losing lots of weight each day. He's starting to show signs of being in pain. We have a winter storm coming in and I don't want to get stuck on the top of our mountain and not be able to get him to the vet.

He's had his last good days, it's clear. It's downhill from here and it's happening fast. I don't want him to suffer any longer, and I can see the signs in his eyes, so we will say goodbye this afternoon. My dad is driving us to the vet later today.

My heart is broken.

Seesaw
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Hugs from:
Anonymous45521, MickeyCheeky, mrsselig, unaluna
  #18  
Old Dec 07, 2018, 09:48 AM
Anonymous40258
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also very sorry for your loss
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  #19  
Old Dec 07, 2018, 10:13 PM
mrsselig mrsselig is offline
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Seesaw....I'm so sorry about your doggie This is heartbreaking. I truly believe animals are the purest of souls, and I'm so grateful that this doggie ended up in your loving care. you gave this doggie love, and that is what matters most. I know your heart is broken, but I hope you can find some comfort in that he was securely in your loving care and had a charmed life when he was with you. Thank you for rescuing him, you're an angel and our Universe needs more people like you. Sending hugs and comforting thoughts.
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  #20  
Old Dec 09, 2018, 02:22 AM
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where_to_begin where_to_begin is offline
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Seesaw, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog Over the years I have had to have 3 dogs put down. Two had cancer. It broke my heart every time. You did the best you could. Please don't blame yourself for not trying to make it last a few more days.
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  #21  
Old Dec 14, 2018, 01:41 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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He passed last Friday. It was very difficult, but started to feel a little, not better, but acceptable today...and then I got the call from the vet that his remains are ready to be picked up. And it's fresh all over again. Dammit.
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Hugs from:
Anonymous50384, hvert, MickeyCheeky, RomanSunburn
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
  #22  
Old Dec 14, 2018, 02:33 PM
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MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
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I'm so sorry about your loss, seesaw. You've been a great owner. I hope you won't feel guilty because of this.
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  #23  
Old Dec 14, 2018, 03:54 PM
Anonymous50384
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Huge hugs to you, Seesaw.
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  #24  
Old Dec 14, 2018, 04:33 PM
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RomanSunburn RomanSunburn is offline
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So sorry for your loss, Seesaw. I know it hurts right now, but you did the right thing, and you have so many wonderful memories to hold on to.
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  #25  
Old Dec 14, 2018, 05:16 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Oh no! I am so sorry. You lost a friend. Sending you many hugs.
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