[blue592]

I’m finding myself increasingly annoyed at my best friend and I don’t want to be because it’s not fair to her. I’m annoyed because she is almost never free and “booking a time slot” to hang out with her is often near impossible. She can only spend time with me on the rare occasion she is available which is usually a very specific window of time. We are both quite driven and focused on our future careers. The difference between us seems to be that I need my best friend and she doesn’t. She spends most of her time doing work and spending time with her family. Her family still rules her life (having to set aside an entire weekend for your uncle's birthday??) but I admit it’s not fair for me to judge her or say she should live her life differently. I just find it somewhat condescending and self-important that she has zero time for friendships. She’s not a celebrity. She’s not working a high powered job. She is busy, as am I. But she also PILES things on her plate to purposely be busy and as we know, that’s not the secret to success. I’m just starting to find it all a bit flippant and uncaring. If my feelings of annoyance are selfish and wrong tell me and please help me find a way to work through them in a kind, nurturing way.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand your frustration, blue592. I think the best solution would be to talk to her about this, if you haven't already, and see how it goes from there. Perhaps she just hasn't realized how much this means for you. Also I'd suggest to make some more friends - that way, you won't have to stick to just one person. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Friendships change and so do needs over time. You're not wrong and neither is she. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Hopefully you can work something out that suits both of you. I dont see my bestie regularly, but we touch base via text (not phone people) almost daily. Even if it's just an emoji.

My suggestion is for you to give the friendship some space and seek other hobbies and friendships. Maybe with a variety of new friends you will feel your own needs met... you can socialize and plan fun events while still maintaining this friendship... People’s interests and needs do change over time. I agree that friendships are important and I don’t think it’s fair for one person to always be available at the convenience of another. I don’t know if I would have a big discussion about it with your friend. I think I would just give it a bit of space first and focus on my own needs.

Originally Posted by blue592

But she also PILES things on her plate to purposely be busy and as we know, that’s not the secret to success. I’m just starting to find it all a bit flippant and uncaring. If my feelings of annoyance are selfish and wrong tell me and please help me find a way to work through them in a kind, nurturing way.

Sorry to say it but if your gut is saying this she doesn't want to be with you imho. I have a friend that is the same way. If she wanted to be with you she would make the time. Today I expected my friend to call me and wish me a merry xmas. Did she ? Nope. To think just a few years ago she invited me over her home for christmas eve.

I would say just start withdrawing and looking for new friends.

[sarahsweets]

Sometimes you just have to let people go...

[Quarter life]

Yes...Widen your Circle of Friends,

[downandlonely]

I think friendships change over time. If she's not making time for you, it probably means she doesn't want to make time. I agree with everyone else that it would be good for you to make more friends or maybe take up some new hobbies to fill your time.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by blue592

I’m finding myself increasingly annoyed at my best friend and I don’t want to be because it’s not fair to her. I’m annoyed because she is almost never free and “booking a time slot” to hang out with her is often near impossible. She can only spend time with me on the rare occasion she is available which is usually a very specific window of time. We are both quite driven and focused on our future careers. The difference between us seems to be that I need my best friend and she doesn’t. She spends most of her time doing work and spending time with her family. Her family still rules her life (having to set aside an entire weekend for your uncle's birthday??) but I admit it’s not fair for me to judge her or say she should live her life differently. I just find it somewhat condescending and self-important that she has zero time for friendships. She’s not a celebrity. She’s not working a high powered job. She is busy, as am I. But she also PILES things on her plate to purposely be busy and as we know, that’s not the secret to success. I’m just starting to find it all a bit flippant and uncaring. If my feelings of annoyance are selfish and wrong tell me and please help me find a way to work through them in a kind, nurturing way.

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! Sometimes friend just slip away. People sometimes change for the better or for the worst. I had end a friendship because we weren't the same people.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I understand your frustration, blue592. I think the best solution would be to talk to her about this, if you haven't already, and see how it goes from there. Perhaps she just hasn't realized how much this means for you. Also I'd suggest to make some more friends - that way, you won't have to stick to just one person. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

That is great advice!

I also agree with MC's advice. In talking with your friend, you might discover that her busy schedule may be a distraction from a problem she may quietly be suffering from. Yes, it is probably not the best idea to grow clingy to your relationship, but letting her know that you have time for her may ease her mind. And you will know that you did what you could to be there for her.