Do you struggle with never feeling like you fit in anywhere or like you are wanted?

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Do you struggle with never feeling like you fit in anywhere or like you are wanted?

Yes all the time . i don't even fit in with myself because i am my own worst enemy

Yes, sometimes. Don't always feel like I fit in a PC. Have never found a church I feel comfortable at. Have no close friends (except my husband). My brother, sister and dad live on the other side of the country so I rarely see them. Etc. I think there are others at PC that may feel that way. Perhaps it is a common thing? Or are we just the odd ones out?

[mote.of.soul]

All the time, Sisabel. All the time. It's a real issue for me, tbh. Really annoys me. Kind of warps my reality. Bleh.

Well I’m feel very sad that you feel the same way I do. Your posts brought me to tears. I appreciate that we have a shared experience and I’m also very saddened by it.

[cryingontheinside]

If you want to share more about how you are feeling we will listen . hope we haven't made you feel more sad

[Borderline69]

I think there was a time I felt that way, I told myself lies and eventually trusted the fact I was actually loved and wanted by people I thought didnt like me.

Today I am happy to report I'm actually loved and liked a lot by many people. Honestly I dont seek validation however I intuitively know who has my best interest and happiness in mind. I will never have a sleepless night worrying over what others think of me. I'm forced on what is best for me mentally and emotionally and expect to make enemies along the way .

Because I didn't like who I was I accepted blindly that others felt the same way. How foolish of me to have once thought I was unlovable. I'm so happy I was wrong.

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

If you want to share more about how you are feeling we will listen . hope we haven't made you feel more sad

Oh no. Not more sad. I appreciate your kindness very much. But I also feel a deep sense of sadness that you feel the same way I do. It’s hard to live your life feeling unwanted, unworthy and like an outsider. I keep myself very busy because otherwise I have too much time on my hands to think. These days I feel happiest when I can get outside for walks and when I can do my volunteer work. Every thing else feels empty. I have no real family except hubby. I feel I have failed.

[Skeezyks]

No... perhaps I would... but I have left the world behind. So questions regarding whether or not I fit in, or whether I'm wanted, are pretty-much irrelevant to me now.

[Marylin]

I used to feel like this that I didn't fit in or belong anywhere,now I seek like minded people and if I find them all well and good and if not then I withdraw and enjoy being solitary,I can wait until I find my people.

I wonder if feeling like you don't fit in is a type of social anxiety?

[eskielover]

My parents nor my H (ex now) ever fit in anywhere. Made my life difficult because I wanted to fit in at some level while keeping my independent values but had no idea how to.

It has taken the last 11 years being away from it all to sort out myself & learn later in life what many learn growing up.

[AzulOscuro]

Always felt and feel that way. An outsider, the strange, the different...it used to give me a very hard time and problems. It took me many years to notice that I was feeling shame of being what and how I was. That with each word, each phrase, each behaviour, I was pretty much asking for forgiveness bc I breath. I forced myself to change whatever to fit in or belong to: Maybe if I change in this or that my physical appearance, I will gonna be able to counteract my social awkwardness. If I get to do such or that perfect, maybe I will be given my own place.

It’s a very powerful strength that shut you down over and over again and never let you look at ahead with hope.
Now, I console myself thinking that I belong or fit in my own rare way lol! And if someone dare to tell me that I have not my own place, even myself, I make sure to make them know that they are wrong and take it on my own.

[Medusax]

Yes. And it doesn't bother me anymore. When I was a kid, yes. But not now.

[floridaman38]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Do you struggle with never feeling like you fit in anywhere or like you are wanted?

Most of the time. But usually, others don't want to hear about my troubles because they have their own and that usually results in them ignoring me and that causes me to close up even more. People want to see rainbows, unicorns, and have some sort of imaginary world where everything is perfect. My world is not that way. So yes, I am alone a lot. I do feel isolated and not wanted by others.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by floridaman38

Most of the time. But usually, others don't want to hear about my troubles because they have their own and that usually results in them ignoring me and that causes me to close up even more. People want to see rainbows, unicorns, and have some sort of imaginary world where everything is perfect. My world is not that way. So yes, I am alone a lot. I do feel isolated and not wanted by others.

There is a balance. People don't want to hear nothing but troubles but they will listen to troubles when it is equally balanced with positives in their life or at least a positive way of looking at things. Being around someone who is constantly negative & talks only about their troubles brings everyone down to their level & most people can only take so much of being around that.

That was what my life was like before I left (moved 2100 miles away from) that environment & struck out to create a new positive life & environment for myself.

[Marylin]

I have always been a solitary soul.Growing up within our community I always felt like an outsider,I didn't belong and the others disgusted me with their materialism and focus on looks,clothes and jewels,riches and image.I couldn't wait to find a way to escape the superficiality.Now I no longer try to fit in,just to find people that I get on with and share my caring values.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Marylin

I have always been a solitary soul.Growing up within our community I always felt like an outsider,I didn't belong and the others disgusted me with their materialism and focus on looks,clothes and jewels,riches and image.I couldn't wait to find a way to escape the superficiality.Now I no longer try to fit in,just to find people that I get on with and share my caring values.

This is also hard but I don’t blame you for not wanting to have anything to do with such marerialistic people.

[sarahsweets]

I used to be very insecure with all my relationships. It took therapy and sobriety to learn to be comfortable in my own skin and to know that I do not need the validation of others to like myself, feel a part of, or find my place. This is easy for me to say because I am on the other side but I encourage you to work on this with a good therapist. Feeling like we dont fit in is a double edge sword. On one hand we battle that constant dialogue in our heads about not fitting in, wondering what to say or do next, being hypervigilant about what we do or how we act..and on the other we are so "self absorbed" in our own heads we often neglect the relationships we do have because we are so involved in trying to find out why or if we do not fit in and how to fix it. You cant be a good friend or family member if your mind is constantly on why you do not fit in or you are hyperaware of how you are acting. Its hard to be an active listener with all that backround noise and its hard to be a good friend when one eye is always on ourselves. But I had to learn how to change, it did not come naturally. No I relish in fitting in/being unique. I feel like I can fit in wherever I am because I feel so sure of who I am and have some confidence BUT I also find that I am unique enough where I might stand out not for a negative reason, but because I am a free thinking person at peace with myself.

Originally Posted by eskielover

My parents nor my H (ex now) ever fit in anywhere. Made my life difficult because I wanted to fit in at some level while keeping my independent values but had no idea how to.

It has taken the last 11 years being away from it all to sort out myself & learn later in life what many learn growing up.

You’re right. We have to sort all this out and learn from it. I’m very sorry for the loss of your beloved Leo. ❤️❤️

Originally Posted by Marylin

I have always been a solitary soul.Growing up within our community I always felt like an outsider,I didn't belong and the others disgusted me with their materialism and focus on looks,clothes and jewels,riches and image.I couldn't wait to find a way to escape the superficiality.Now I no longer try to fit in,just to find people that I get on with and share my caring values.

I like this. Thank you. ❤️

Originally Posted by Nowinners

I wonder if feeling like you don't fit in is a type of social anxiety?

Could be. I hadn’t thought of this at all.

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I used to be very insecure with all my relationships. It took therapy and sobriety to learn to be comfortable in my own skin and to know that I do not need the validation of others to like myself, feel a part of, or find my place. This is easy for me to say because I am on the other side but I encourage you to work on this with a good therapist. Feeling like we dont fit in is a double edge sword. On one hand we battle that constant dialogue in our heads about not fitting in, wondering what to say or do next, being hypervigilant about what we do or how we act..and on the other we are so "self absorbed" in our own heads we often neglect the relationships we do have because we are so involved in trying to find out why or if we do not fit in and how to fix it. You cant be a good friend or family member if your mind is constantly on why you do not fit in or you are hyperaware of how you are acting. Its hard to be an active listener with all that backround noise and its hard to be a good friend when one eye is always on ourselves. But I had to learn how to change, it did not come naturally. No I relish in fitting in/being unique. I feel like I can fit in wherever I am because I feel so sure of who I am and have some confidence BUT I also find that I am unique enough where I might stand out not for a negative reason, but because I am a free thinking person at peace with myself.

This is awesome. You really worked on this. It didn’t just happen and like you said, you needed to step outside yourself. Thank you. ❤️

[MickeyCheeky]

Yes, I do feel like I don't fit in, Sisabel. In fact, PC is one of the few places where I feel like I fit in. I'm so sorry so many people are struggling with this, as well. You're all wonderful people and deserve nothing but love and kindness. I'm glad a place like this exists where people can share this, at least. Thank you for making this thread, Sisabel. Sending many hugs to everyone

[Medusax]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Yes, I do feel like I don't fit in, Sisabel. In fact, PC is one of the few places where I feel like I fit in. I'm so sorry so many people are struggling with this, as well. You're all wonderful people and deserve nothing but love and kindness. I'm glad a place like this exists where people can share this, at least. Thank you for making this thread, Sisabel. Sending many hugs to everyone

I have said this before. Of all the forums I have been involved in, this is the one with the most insightful, intelligent people. I don't share the problems some individuals on here do or at least not to the EXTENT.....but you guys are fun.