[AbladeintheMeadow]

...so lonely.

I reached out in real life &....

No replies.

....so lonely.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, AbladeintheMedow It's really painful when this happens. Just know that you're not alone here. We'll listen to what you have to say. we care about you. Please feel free to vent as much as you want. Share and reach out to us if you want. We won't judge you. We all love you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[CepheidVariable]

Oh, how I know what that's like.

Anything you'd like to talk about here?
Sometimes even a little idle chit-chat helps.

[AbladeintheMeadow]

Thank you for replying.

It means the world to me.

Sometimes...no a lot of the time I just feel so alone. I cry. I cry myself to sleep.

I don't know why don't nights are worse than others.

I crave affection.

I long to be hugged. Properly. By someone who cares about me. And more than that I want to feel.that hug. Inside me. I'm so numb. As much as I crave it - I can't feel it.

I don't feel like I'm making any sense.

I'm grateful to you for replying. So grateful. Thank you.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by AbladeintheMeadow

Thank you for replying.

It means the world to me.

Sometimes...no a lot of the time I just feel so alone. I cry. I cry myself to sleep.

I don't know why don't nights are worse than others.

I crave affection.

I long to be hugged. Properly. By someone who cares about me. And more than that I want to feel.that hug. Inside me. I'm so numb. As much as I crave it - I can't feel it.

I don't feel like I'm making any sense.

I'm grateful to you for replying. So grateful. Thank you.

It makes sense to me. I can't imagine (aside from some people on the autistic spectrum and a few similar types) not wanting affection, to be really held and hugged and truly cared for. When I've been denied it for so long, I start to wonder if I could feel it.


(I've never had the experience. I have avoidant personality disorder.)

Nights are my low ebb. I'm tired, often not busy enough, it's dark. Often not a good time for me. I get that too.



You can keep chatting here, or drop me a visitor message or PM me if you'd like.

[Skull&Crossbones]

Originally Posted by AbladeintheMeadow

...so lonely.

I reached out in real life &....

No replies.

....so lonely.

I feel the same way. Although, I only have one person I feel comfortable talking to, but they're not a safe person to talk to...can't be myself, can't always say what's on my mind, can't hang out anymore because we used to be romantically involved and we aren't anymore.

There's just no one I can relate to. No one who can understand me. No one sees me as I really am. Very few even see my real personality, if it's even a real personality at this point. I have no basis to make friends or connect with people, so there's no hope of it ever ending.

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

It makes sense to me. I can't imagine (aside from some people on the autistic spectrum and a few similar types) not wanting affection, to be really held and hugged and truly cared for.

I can imagine it actually. It's very unnatural to me. I don't want to be touched usually if I'm upset. At one time I might have wanted to be held and "truly cared for" (as though that's a thing that exists) but it was used as a weapon against me. As in, withholding affection to punish me I guess. So I'm not sure how one can trust affection from an attachment figure? If it's only when you "deserve" it, it makes it always a weapon.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones

I can imagine it actually. It's very unnatural to me. I don't want to be touched usually if I'm upset. At one time I might have wanted to be held and "truly cared for" (as though that's a thing that exists) but it was used as a weapon against me. As in, withholding affection to punish me I guess. So I'm not sure how one can trust affection from an attachment figure? If it's only when you "deserve" it, it makes it always a weapon.

I'm sorry you've had that experience of it being used as a weapon. It sounds terrible.

Originally Posted by AbladeintheMeadow

Thank you for replying.

It means the world to me.

Sometimes...no a lot of the time I just feel so alone. I cry. I cry myself to sleep.

I don't know why don't nights are worse than others.

I crave affection.

I long to be hugged. Properly. By someone who cares about me. And more than that I want to feel.that hug. Inside me. I'm so numb. As much as I crave it - I can't feel it.

I don't feel like I'm making any sense.

I'm grateful to you for replying. So grateful. Thank you.

You are making a lot of sense to me too. Having no one to be held by is a very painful feeling. Especially when you need it and no one's there.

I've been there too.

[Skull&Crossbones]

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

I'm sorry you've had that experience of it being used as a weapon. It sounds terrible.

I guess it was only one time so I'm probably being a wuss. No matter how much I wanted touch or physical affection, often it just felt unnatural and wasn't comfortable with it too, so maybe I'm being a hypocrite. It seems like it has to be an all or nothing thing.

Originally Posted by KnitChick

You are making a lot of sense to me too. Having no one to be held by is a very painful feeling. Especially when you need it and no one's there.

I've been there too.

I agree. I often sleep with a stuffed animal so I'm not alone. I know I've mentioned that I don't always want/like touch, but I think it's because it's so rare that it feels unnatural and wrong when it happens. And it causes attachment which is the worst thing to happen.

[Fuzzybear]

[AbladeintheMeadow]

Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones

I feel the same way. Although, I only have one person I feel comfortable talking to, but they're not a safe person to talk to...can't be myself, can't always say what's on my mind, can't hang out anymore because we used to be romantically involved and we aren't anymore.

I'm sorry this is your situation.

Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones

I can imagine it actually. It's very unnatural to me. I don't want to be touched usually if I'm upset. At one time I might have wanted to be held and "truly cared for" (as though that's a thing that exists) but it was used as a weapon against me. As in, withholding affection to punish me I guess. So I'm not sure how one can trust affection from an attachment figure? If it's only when you "deserve" it, it makes it always a weapon.

I'm sorry affection has been used in this way. My experience is slightly different in that I had to ask for a hug or to hold hands which made it feel like it was never real. The only time any contact was volunteered was if there was an alterior motive (sex). I stopped asking. I stopped wanting to be intimate. & now there is nothing. I feel like there is a gaping hole in my chest which I try & stuff full of other things but they don't stop the hurt. The emptiness. The lonely.

[AbladeintheMeadow]

Originally Posted by KnitChick

You are making a lot of sense to me too. Having no one to be held by is a very painful feeling. Especially when you need it and no one's there.

I've been there too.

it is painful. It's almost physically painful as strange as that might sound. I'm sorry you've experienced the same thing x

[AbladeintheMeadow]

Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones

...I often sleep with a stuffed animal so I'm not alone....

me too xx

[MickeyCheeky]

How are you doing, AbladeintheMeadow? I hope you're doing a bit better. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say and won't judge you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available if you need to talk. Sending many hugs to you

[AbladeintheMeadow]

Hey there

I'm feeling better again today. I got outside & went for a long walk. That along with the support from you guys has really helped me get through this weekend.

Thank you x