Getting closer to giving up....

So just a pre warning...kind of a long post. But for you to see what brought me to this point I have to give you a little bit of a back story.

The last few years my life has been going down hill. I have always been the upbeat...motivated friend who was always there to give advice...now I’m just ready to throw in the towel. Last September I lost my dad’s house. I was the only one paying the bills and could no longer afford it so my boyfriend and I decided to downsize. I was pretty upset but I figured it would take some stress of my plate...talk more about the boyfriend later.

...so then my car goes starts going south (I had to drive an hour to work so I NEEDED my car). Which then caused me lose my job...which then caused my boyfriend and I to bounce between my mom’s house and his moms. Long story short I ended on extremely bad terms with my mom and we are no longer communicating...so I have 0 support and no one to talk to. I have no family and no friends and now for the last month have been homeless. I have been putting in applications for a job EVERYDAY ( at least 5 a day) and nothing. I am definitely losing hope.

...as for my boyfriend...we have been together almost 3 years and I feel sometimes that the relationship is kind of shallow. He is a very caring person but has a serious issues with being open and motivation. I have been there for him wayyyyy more than he has me. I never have been the type to think about myself in a relationship but I sometimes feel like I am being taken advantage of. He use to work in the beginning of our relationship but got laid off and now just recently got the motivation to start putting in applications again ....yes after I lost everything. He has told me before that he often feels depressed so I try my hardest to be there for him...even though I’m drowning and feel like I get no support. He has made me a little colder than I use tobe. I use to tell him I loved him and he never once told me back. I do appreciate him being honest I f he truly does not love me...but it really hurt. I still do love him but I feel it’s one sided...just like the whole relationship.

So in a nutshell I feel like I have been trying my best to keep my head above water with no luck. Every time I feel things will look up they don’t. I’m trying so very hard and feel so very alone 😓 and if you did manage to read all this thank you so very much....

I'm not on talking terms with my parents either. I've been bipolar all my life that I can remember. My parents took me from one doctor to another to "fix" me.
One doctor that I was taken to from another state that i lived in diagnosed me with ADHD and at 8 i instantly categorized him as an idiot. My parents made me take Ritalin which was probably the worst medication to give a bipolar kid. My parents are dead to me and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Common Ritalin side effects may include: mood changes, feeling nervous or irritable, sleep problems (insomnia).
I ended up spending the next 8 years in a severe manic mood.

I also know how it feels to love someone and do everything for them and they don't love you back. It sucks, I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'm living that life as we speak but it's me that can't love back. Maybe it's years of loving people to only be in a relationship where it was one sided. I hope this doesn't happen to you.

Also your post wasn't that long.

Thank you for sharing your circumstances. I'm sorry you have encountered so much difficulty in your life. I hope that, in some way, you will be able to put the pieces back together & find new happiness & contentment. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some small help with that.