[KD1980]

When I was in my 20s, I worked in retail. I was suffering from undiagnosed complex PTSD, I was being abused at home, and I didn't like my job.

There were times when I was mean or rude to customers. Looking back at it now, I am ashamed and embarrassed by the way I treated people.

I am sort of haunted by the memories. I keep replaying it in my mind. I feel bad because that is not who I really am. I'm not a mean person or a jerk.

How can I forgive myself and move on?

I tried to logically approach this and tell myself that I reacted the way a person with undiagnosed complex PTSD would react. It doesn't work. I'm still embarrassed and ashamed.

Originally Posted by KD1980

When I was in my 20s, I worked in retail. I was suffering from undiagnosed complex PTSD, I was being abused at home, and I didn't like my job.

There were times when I was mean or rude to customers. Looking back at it now, I am ashamed and embarrassed by the way I treated people.

I am sort of haunted by the memories. I keep replaying it in my mind. I feel bad because that is not who I really am. I'm not a mean person or a jerk.

How can I forgive myself and move on?

I tried to logically approach this and tell myself that I reacted the way a person with undiagnosed complex PTSD would react. It doesn't work. I'm still embarrassed and ashamed.

Hello KD1980,

I think this a really important post that you've created. I am sorry that you are struggling with guilt and shame. Those are really heavy difficult emotions to deal with. I am wondering if you have mentioned this particular struggle with a trusted therapist? I imagine that he or she would have particular strategies to suggest.

As for me, I would recommend meditating on those feelings. Such as YouTube: 'guided meditation for guilt' or 'guided meditation for peace of mind' or 'guided meditation for embarrassment.' It's almost like you need to be able to step outside of the feelings for a while so they lessen over time.

What do you think?

I know you are not "mean" or a "jerk." You've been very kind to me. I wish you peace and wellness

[KD1980]

Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211

Hello KD1980,

I think this a really important post that you've created. I am sorry that you are struggling with guilt and shame. Those are really heavy difficult emotions to deal with. I am wondering if you have mentioned this particular struggle with a trusted therapist? I imagine that he or she would have particular strategies to suggest.

As for me, I would recommend meditating on those feelings. Such as YouTube: 'guided meditation for guilt' or 'guided meditation for peace of mind' or 'guided meditation for embarrassment.' It's almost like you need to be able to step outside of the feelings for a while so they lessen over time.

What do you think?

I know you are not "mean" or a "jerk." You've been very kind to me. I wish you peace and wellness

I did bring this up in therapy. We talked for a bit. When I see her tomorrow I'm going to talk to her about it.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much I completely agree with what HopefullyLost1211 has already wisely said better than I ever could. Forgiving ourselves is not easy. But it can be done. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. Hopefully he/she will be able to help you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Try to remind yourself that you're only human. Humans can make mistakes. Your mistakes were completely understandable. What matters is that you acknowledged them. That's a great step forward! Be proud of yourself for that. That's the first important step towards healing. I'm sure you'll be able to take other steps. Take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. It's not your fault if you're struggling. Please try to be kinder to yourself. Although I know it's not easy. You deserve to get better. You're a wonderful person. I'd suggest to talk to your therapist about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he/she will be able to help you. Remember that you're a wonderful person. You're worth it. Believe in yourself. I'm here for you if you need to talk about it. We all care about you here. We all love you here. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[Fuzzybear]

[nesaya]

i think the first step to forgiveness is accepting yourself and what you did, remember it is in the past, and you realize that you may have been wrong to act as you did, it is ok, everyone makes mistakes, and everyone deserves forgiveness

Originally Posted by KD1980

I'm not a mean person or a jerk.

How can I forgive myself and move on?

I tried to logically approach this and tell myself that I reacted the way a person with undiagnosed complex PTSD would react. It doesn't work. I'm still embarrassed and ashamed.

I believe you. We are human beings with limits; we could only take in so much. And trauma can push us into a place that is beyond our capacities. Sometimes people who have never gone through trauma will say that you are making an excuse for your action, but you are not.

If this is something that happened many years ago, your customers have probably already forgotten about it, and recovered from it long time ago. Does that thought help you a bit?

When I was younger, I felt bad about something and tried to apologize but the other person either didn't remember or was surprised that I even apologized because it stopped bothering them long time ago.

[KD1980]

Originally Posted by ennie

I believe you. We are human beings with limits; we could only take in so much. And trauma can push us into a place that is beyond our capacities. Sometimes people who have never gone through trauma will say that you are making an excuse for your action, but you are not.

If this is something that happened many years ago, your customers have probably already forgotten about it, and recovered from it long time ago. Does that thought help you a bit?

When I was younger, I felt bad about something and tried to apologize but the other person either didn't remember or was surprised that I even apologized because it stopped bothering them long time ago.

That does make me feel better!