Sick of looking miserable when I'm not

This really bothers me.

I seem to have too much extra skin on my face or something and it sags. This makes my mouth go down at the sides and makes me look really miserable. It wasn't so bad in my teens and early 20's but now (late 30's), it's really bad, and has been for a about 10 years. I'm getting sick of people telling me to cheer up when I'm not even sad, in fact, that actually brings my mood down!

I can be having a good day, out shopping, quite happy because I've found things I need, maybe even some things I want. And then I see my reflection in a mirror, window etc and what I see is a miserable old bat. Then I am horrified, because this does NOT reflect how I feel inside, but this is what I look like to everyone else. I'm walking around looking like that and that's what everyone sees: the miserable old bat with the saggy grumpy face. One time this old man said "cheer up it might never happen." I had actually been in a good mood and that just made me feel terrible.

The worst was a few years ago when I was at a "happy" event. People were taking photos as they usually do. I never thought anything of it because at that point I was enjoying myself and I had forgot about my appearance. But one person was avoiding me and kept giving me dirty looks. I didn't know why so I just ignored her. A bit later on they were looking at the photos and complaining about how my miserable face spoiled them. And someone angrily said, "you could at least smile for once". I saw the pictures and almost burst into tears, because I did look grumpy and miserable, and that is not how I felt at all. It was horrible.

I now try to avoid photos but people insist on taking them. It's embarrassing. I've tried to "practice" smiling in front of a mirror, but I can't do it. I seem to have so much saggy skin on my face, when I try hard to smile, the skin bunches up and looks really stupid. I look like a clown or something.

I know there's nothing I can do about this, I just wanted to get it out, how bad I feel about it. I know I shouldn't care what others think. It's their problem if they do care. But it's hard.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, randomer123 I understand what you mean. From what you wrote, it seems like it's the others that are having a problem with you, not you! I'm so sorry for those nasty comments you've received. They haven't been kind at all! I hope things will get better soon for you! I'd suggest to just try to ignore those kind of comments as much as you can, although I understand it's not easy and that you're doing it already, randomer123! I'm so sorry, I wish I've had more advice to give to you! I'm here to listen to you if you need it! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, randomer123! You're a strong, wonderful person! Please remember that! We all know that! We all believe in you! I hope you'll be able to believe in yourself as well! Keep fighting! Remember that you're an awesome, strong warrior! Sending many hugs to you, randomer123! Believe in yourself the same way we all believe in you!

randomer123,
I hate it when people tell me to cheer-up. I have permanent frown lines. Even if I try smiling, my face looks neutral at best.

Aw. I have permanent dark purple circles under my eyes, and if I don’t put on concealer people always tell me to go take a nap. It’s annoying.

I'm sorry that you're surrounded by what sounds like satan himself. This world could use a lot more kindness. You never know what someone is going through.

It's really none of their business what my face looks like, and why do they bother to go out of their way to tell me to cheer up? Do they really have nothing better to do?

I think what bothers me most is that most of the time I'm actually enjoying myself and happy, and to be told I'm miserable is a shock, because I keep forgetting about my saggy face.

Also I might be genuinely sad for some reason, someone might have just died for all they know. I wish they would just shut up and mind their own business!

I don’t like it when people say this to me either. I remember people saying this to me when I was 18 and I wasn’t aware of not being “happy”

When I smile though, I sometimes look happy

Ugh. I relate x a million! I grew up in a family where looks were everything. No one asked "How was _____?" They asked "How did ____ look?"

Sometimes I have to actively practice putting a Mona Lisa smile on my face so people don't think I am angry or worried...a part of me just feels like my poor face has taken a beating over the years due to all the turmoil on the inside.

Nothing worse than when someone says, "Smile!"

Not alone,
FearLess47

You might be facing envy from others. They can tell you are feeling good by the way you express yourself. They are just trying to bring you down to their level.

Probably. I've noticed, from being bullied all the way through school etc., that it's them that have the problem. If they were fine, happy etc, they probably wouldn't need to go around insulting other people to make themselves feel better. The fact that they do suggests they are lacking something in their own lives and need to insult people to fill that hole.

I didn't realise that it's probably the same case with this, thanks.