Hello everyone,

I am wondering how you feel about living with a diagnosis or multiple diagnoses. We know that for people to be assessed or receive treatment, they need at least one diagnosis for billing codes etc. But I am curious if anyone feels that a mental health diagnosis has affected them in other ways. Or has it not affected you at all? Ambivalent?

[Skeezyks]

Well... although I kicked around the mental health system where I live for around 15 years or so before I finally kissed it all good-bye, I never did receive anything in the way of a diagnosis. I suppose there was something written down somewhere for insurance purposes... probably depression. But it really wasn't based on anything of any consequence... just something to plug into the appropriate box in order to get paid.

I often wish I had been given a genuine diagnosis... not that it would have made any real difference in the whole scheme of things. But it would have been nice to have something to hang my hat on, so to speak... something I could perhaps lean on to explain all of the confusion & ugliness of my life. If nothing else it would have given me a basis for knowing which forum to post in here on PC!

Anyway... it's all water over the dam now. Yet I still find myself, from time-to-time, musing over the possibility of finally being able to come to an understanding with regard to what it was all about. (Desperately Seeking Sigmund Freud)

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Well... although I kicked around the mental health system where I live for around 15 years or so before I finally kissed it all good-bye, I never did receive anything in the way of a diagnosis. I suppose there was something written down somewhere for insurance purposes... probably depression. But it really wasn't based on anything of any consequence... just something to plug into the appropriate box in order to get paid.

I often wish I had been given a genuine diagnosis... not that it would have made any real difference in the whole scheme of things. But it would have been nice to have something to hang my hat on, so to speak... something I could perhaps lean on to explain all of the confusion & ugliness of my life. If nothing else it would have given me a basis for knowing which forum to post in here on PC!

Anyway... it's all water over the dam now. Yet I still find myself, from time-to-time, musing over the possibility of finally being able to come to an understanding with regard to what it was all about. (Desperately Seeking Sigmund Freud)

Thank you for sharing Skeezkys. I understand what you are saying. I think it's never too late. If you ever decide that you'd like to open up again to a therapist and hash some things out, you may be amazed by what you discover. Just my thoughts. Peace to you and thanks for contributing.

[BipolaRNurse]

I've had a diagnosis of bipolar since 2012, and was diagnosed bipolar 1 in 2014. I still question the label, even though I know intellectually that it's the right one for me. I wondered for most of my life what was wrong with me, and why I struggled so much in life. The label gave me something I could point to as a reason for so much of what I've experienced---the highs, the lows, the joy, the pain, the wonder, the sheer intensity of it all...sometimes overwhelming, but (almost) always worthwhile.

[zapatoes]

I don’t know how I feel. I dislike it.

for me, honestly, one of the things getting diagnosed did for me was make me feel less alone

when I was a child, and all these things were going on with me, I used to think at the end of the day, well, I must be the only person in the world with this stuff going on, and honestly it was a really lonely feeling

trying to explain things to people and they were like what?. I don't get it

when I got a diagnoses, at least I had something. an explanation for my behaviour, more understanding, I'd even go as far to say that some people respected me more because I was able to explain myself and what was going on, rather than just, " I don't know."

their's plenty of bad things about it- the stigma for one, the fact that in my case I'll never be able to work, the hospital visits, the fact I dropped out of school, but I think I'd rather live with one than without.

it's helped me understand me better and know where I'm at

without it, (and all these things going on), I'm not sure I'd be able to cope

I should add that people have asked me if their was a cure, a miracle that would take it all away, would I do it.

and no, I wouldn't

it's part of me now and I've learned to live with it

[sarahsweets]

I have had some negative experiences with doctor's not believing me once they find out I have bipolar. It used to be worse though years ago.

[Ohseedee]

The labels helped me in certain aspects - getting on disability easily (it was very helpful for the 8 years I was on it), receiving accommodations when necessary in college. In these practical aspects, the labels helped.

Aside from that, I don't put much weight on my labels. My "official" diagnoses are Bipolar Disorder and OCD, but it doesn't really change who I am. I'm just someone who has lived experience with mental health issues. I think my lived experience will be an asset in the Social Work field.

It seems like a double-edged sword to me. It can feel isolating to manage things on your own. But the diagnosis tends to carry such a stigma.

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I have had some negative experiences with doctor's not believing me once they find out I have bipolar. It used to be worse though years ago.

I think that's common (negative experiences)

I've had a few with so called therapists

[MickeyCheeky]

Remember that you're all wonderful people, diagnosis or not! You're all much, much more than your own labels, although labels can be useful sometimes to get the help and treatment you need and deserve and to find other people who are struggling and share things with them. I have never received a proper diagnosis, like Skeezyks has already wisely said, although I do take meds. I guess not much has changed for me. Keep fighting everyone! You're all strong, wonderful people! You're all awesome! You're all strong! You're all warriors! Sending many hugs to all of you

[Quarter life]

After experiencing several severe traumas, I was diagnosed as suffering from Complex PTSD, and for the last 30 years it has been an agonising journey back to being able to live in the world.

The initial Diagnosing/Labelling most certainly caused problems when seeking treatment for non related physical ailments, as most doctors over the years would right off my pain or symptoms as depression, anxiety or psychosomatic.

I have drawers full of unopened bottles & boxes of anti this, anti that....Numerous unfilled prescriptions for all manner of (just quit complaining & get out of my office) drugs from doctors who simply refused to look past my PTSD Diagnosis. After banging my head against a brick wall for many years, I have now finally started being treated for advanced Lung disease...along with several sinister secondary conditions due to non treatment for so long.

Unfortunately so many doctors have this misguided belief that Mental Illness = Untrustworthy. Hopefully one day all doctors will open their eyes to view the Mental Health patient as a whole person, and not just a problem that they would rather not have to deal with.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Remember that you're all wonderful people, diagnosis or not! You're all much, much more than your own labels, although labels can be useful sometimes to get the help and treatment you need and deserve and to find other people who are struggling and share things with them. I have never received a proper diagnosis, like Skeezyks has already wisely said, although I do take meds. I guess not much has changed for me. Keep fighting everyone! You're all strong, wonderful people! You're all awesome! You're all strong! You're all warriors! Sending many hugs to all of you

these are great words

I think too often so many of us forget as we deal with so much

[possum220]

A diagnosis means for me is a way for others to treat me professionally. Medications, therapy etc. It's something to write on a form for insurance. Can't get insurance without these labels.

Yet I dont often think about the labels each day. It's the physical manifestations that have my attention. Stuttering or spasms or vocal changes etc. In my head i don't think of my label. I'm trying to survive each day. It's a bonus to have a shower. It's a bonus to go outside.

The general population doesn't much care or understand about diagnoses. Except to label a person when they do something wrong as mentally ill. What ever happened to being mad, sad or bad?

[Aviza]

There could be worse things. I like that getting disability was easier. I don't like that it limits me. I try not to let it but in some ways it really does.

[Goforward]

I agree with Aviza I tend to let the diagnosis limit me sometimes. I view it as a preexisting condition and a sickness. Even though I am stable my point of view is that I'm sick. I end up trying to deal with that too.

[Rose76]

Up to my early twenties, I just thought I was weird. I guess it was while reading an article about depression in a women's magazine that I realized "depressed," as the article explained it, was a word that described me. Before that, I knew I was unhappy a lot. I figured I was just unhappy because I was weird. Then I started to understand that my problem was not unique . . . that this was a condition others experienced and that they felt similar to how I felt. I think it became easier to think about my problem when I could name it.

I had thought my problem was that I was unlike other people. I've learned that the experience of being depressed is amazingly similar among depressed people. PC forums provide lots of evidence of that. After reading the article, I started talking to doctors about how I was not doing well in life. They told me I was depressed. I had thought I was some kind of freak . . . like a mutant . . . that my mind just didn't operate like a normal human mind. The truth is that depression is profoundly human; I am human. I'm not the first of some new species on the evolutionary tree. I actually have an awful lot in common with an awful lot of other people. I thought that was good to know.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by possum220

A diagnosis means for me is a way for others to treat me professionally. Medications, therapy etc. It's something to write on a form for insurance. Can't get insurance without these labels.

Yet I dont often think about the labels each day. It's the physical manifestations that have my attention. Stuttering or spasms or vocal changes etc. In my head i don't think of my label. I'm trying to survive each day. It's a bonus to have a shower. It's a bonus to go outside.

The general population doesn't much care or understand about diagnoses. Except to label a person when they do something wrong as mentally ill. What ever happened to being mad, sad or bad?

I do believe we have over-medicalized "problems of living."

My diagnosis is recurrent major depression. Actually, I think of depression as a symptom. To say I'm sad because I'm depressed is circular thinking. I would say I'm depressed because my approach to life isn't working well for me.

I have a very different way of conceptualizing psychological pain. I think a mood disorder is seldom primary. Rather, I think a mood disorder is a manifestation of something else. That something else, IMO, is a personality disorder or what used to be called a "neurosis."

I look at personality disorders differently from most people. I think they are way more common amongst the psychologically afflicted than we admit. People don't like to be diagnosed with personality disorders. That is the real stigma that I would like to get rid of. People would rather say, "I have PTSD." or "I have bipolar disorder." than consider that they have an axis 2 problem. This is vanity, IMHO. The former problems are seen as "Something bad happened to me." while the latter is seen as "I am bad."

The Holy Grail in psychiatry that most patients are looking for is: "It's not your fault." That's why we get so enamored of "chemical imbalances" and "chromosomal aberrations" and "amygdala-altering traumas." If my problem is physiological, then it's "not my fault."

I don't think a personality disorder is any more an individual's fault, than is a mood disorder. When a person has a durable, maladaptive pattern of behavior (the basic definition of a per. disorder,) there is a story behind that which is just as deserving of compassion as having been a trauma victim. Sometimes, part of the story is that the person has embraced some bad ideas, not understanding that they are bad ideas. Sometimes the problem is in the mind, rather than in the brain.

What has happened, I believe, is that the purveyors of psychiatric services and the consumers of the same are complicit in the perpetuation of a grand delusion: Being "mentally ill" means one is innocent. Our modern, guilt-averse mindset means we lust for justification. People "believe" in modern psychiatry because it tells them that they are suffering from "what was done to them, or what happened to them," rather than from who they are. In exchange, psych-professionals get to earn their livelihoods peddling a lot of pseudo-scientific interventions that don't really help people. It's mutual delusion.

This grand collusion-in-delusion is not serving us well. We end up talking out of both sides of our mouths and making all manner of assertions that can't be sustained simultaneously: "The serial killer must be mentally ill." "If you do a heinous crime because you are mentally ill, then you are not, necessarily, a bad person." "So nobody is bad; people who do bad things are just sick." "There would be no evil in the world, if everyone had enough healthcare to treat all their problems." "There is no such thing as evil. There is just too much untreated illness." "I can't help the way I am because I was abused by others during childhood." "If I abuse another person, it's because I am sick; if another abuses me, it's because they are evil." "I had to go on disability because I have a mental illness, not because I wasn't an excellent employee - which I was." "I can't sustain a relationship because everyone I meet turns out to be a narcissist, which is so unfair, when you consider how perfect I happen to be." "I wouldn't have an anger problem, if people would just stop pi$$ing me off." "How can I possibly have courage, when I am made to feel unsafe?" "You would agree with me, if you just understood that things are the way I say they are." "My humility helps me get along with inferior people." "How can I work with a therapist who wants me to change, instead of respecting who I am?" "I think my life will change for the better, now that I've found a therapist who approves of how I've been doing things." "I'm glad the doctor told me I have a mental illness. Otherwise, I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me." "I don't mind constructive feedback, as long as you don't trigger me with criticism." "The only time I get triggered is when someone says something I don't like."

Maybe we are all equally blameless . . . equally innocent. Maybe we are all doing the best we know how. Maybe it just seems like others have despicable faults, while we ourselves merely make mistakes, or breakdown under intolerable stress.

Originally Posted by Rose76

What has happened, I believe, is that the purveyors of psychiatric services and the consumers of the same are complicit in the perpetuation of a grand delusion: Being "mentally ill" means one is innocent. Our modern, guilt-averse mindset means we lust for justification. People "believe" in modern psychiatry because it tells them that they are suffering from "what was done to them, or what happened to them," rather than from who they are. In exchange, psych-professionals get to earn their livelihoods peddling a lot of pseudo-scientific interventions that don't really help people. It's mutual delusion.

Wow, yup.

Of course, not all, but I fear far far too much. I also feel that this "lack of blame" also assists with other professions. Thus the criminal justice system can avoid blame if a psych-professional tells them what to do. And the psych-professional bears no responsibility if they are wrong. So we have locked ourselves in a blameless situation if someone innocent gets hurt.

I don't really think about the diagnoses anymore, they're mostly something something to list on my medical history when necessary, or for insurance purposes when I saw a therapist. I even distance myself from it by saying "the" instead of "my" because it's not my identity. Yet I do remember feeling enormously relieved when PTSD was first included in the DSM, I think around 1980. I was able to learn what it was and gain a better understanding of what was going on and why.

The main issues I have with the diagnoses are in the medical profession. There have been certain instances where I've had to mention the clinical depression, generalized anxiety, PTSD, etc. Almost always, as soon as that's mentioned the tone changes. The doctor says, "maybe the anxiety is causing this", or something along those lines. I have to be very patient in those instances, lol. Even the mental health system can be patronizing and judgy. If you're chronically anxious you're flighty, have PTSD you're ticking time bomb, have anorexia nervosa you're manipulative, that kind of thing. With the exception of a private therapist, there's really nothing out there as far as therapy. I did go through EAGALA (equine assisted) therapy for a while which was great, and I'm thankful my insurance covered it. But mental health still seems to be about medications. I know they do have their place, but they can also be a lazy fallback for doctors. And if you mention the list of all the serious reactions you've had to all the different medications you've been prescribed in the past, you're labeled as being difficult and resistant. No, I see it as necessary and looking out for yourself.

[MoxieDoxie]

...and what do I get to do with this diagnosis. Nothing. Can't tell anyone as they will walk on egg shells or think I am telling them to get sympathy or using it as an excuse not to get things done. Nope keep it to myself so it really does not matter what I am diagnosed with as long as it does not spill or splash all over other people.

[LadyShadow]

For a long time, I was very angry and I am at certain times. I was handed this death sentence by an irresponsible psychiatrist who threw pills at me to get me out of his office when I broke down crying during my first session. I took them without question and it led to years and years of hospitals, pills and a life of Hell that I never signed up for or ever experienced before.

Now, it's more about just living with the diagnosis and trying to find as much normalcy as I can. There is honestly nothing I can do about it - just try and deal with it as best as I can.

[Louella]

I was diagnosed with ptsd and bpd around 10 years ago. I have never really wanted to accept the bpd part and since then I truly question if I have it.

Some things I fit it but in other ways I don’t and I blocked out the time when I was diagnosed so I don’t really remember how they decided that’s what I have.

As I’m about to start therapy after a 10 year break, I’m hoping I might learn what is really going on and if it still fits me as a diagnosis.

I guess the more I have read and learnt about bpd the less I want it to be true as it seems there’s so much negativity around it.

Originally Posted by Louella

I was diagnosed with ptsd and bpd around 10 years ago. I have never really wanted to accept the bpd part and since then I truly question if I have it.

Some things I fit it but in other ways I don’t and I blocked out the time when I was diagnosed so I don’t really remember how they decided that’s what I have.

As I’m about to start therapy after a 10 year break, I’m hoping I might learn what is really going on and if it still fits me as a diagnosis.

I guess the more I have read and learnt about bpd the less I want it to be true as it seems there’s so much negativity around it.

Thank you for sharing your truth with us Louella. Pretty profile name by the way! I agree that there is a lot of negativity around BPD. Doesn't seem reasonable to stigmatize some mental health problems while de-stigmatizing others. Someone posted an interesting note with their view that depression is a form of personality disorder. I live with depression myself and I found that very interesting. My default is: a person's a person and should be treated accordingly with peace and respect....that includes folks living with BPD or any other mental health problems. One thing I try to model in my own little community is to refrain from labeling other humans as "toxic." I have noticed that the word is getting thrown around a lot in society. It reminds me of "toxic waste" and I think the words we use to describe people have ripple effects. So I never label any human as toxic and when my friends do, I gently ask what they think the implications of that word could be. For example, back in the day it was considered fair game to call a human living with mental retardation a "retard" but over time people realized how damaging that word was. That was a sidebar, sorry! But my point is that people with BPD are still people and so their problem should be spoken about in helpful and respectful ways.

I commend you for taking another swing at therapy after your long break. I hope one of two things happens for you. If you were misdiagnosed with BPD, I hope your new therapist can correct and clarify things for you. Or, if the BPD seems to fit, I hope you can find new ways to think about it....and receive non-judgmental support and care. We ALL have strengths and challenges. People with BPD and people without it....nobody is more than or less than anyone else. And you are not your diagnosis. You are a person. Your diagnosis is simply a way to get treatment billed and reimbursed or to learn more about some of your challenges. You don't have to let it define you.

Peace and hope to you! You deserve it!