I feel like I have no dignity. I went to meditation today for the first time in 2 months. I have not been well, with med changes that have not worked and have made things worse. I'm now not taking any antidepressant.

Meditation was nice. At the end the 2 women who showed up today (there were 3 of us) talked and I felt excluded. I had talked about my depression in group today because they asked how I was. I wished I hadn't, I felt sort of ashamed. But it's not my fault. It's an illness. I don't want to be all hush hush.

Church was after, and I was feeling so ****** I did not want to go. But I walked into the room where services were going to be and I felt like I should stay because a distant friend was doing the service and I should support. My body did not want to be there. I walked out.

Someone followed me and said my name. It was one of the women from meditation. She asked if I was going to stay. I stood there and waffled like and IDIOT. Apparently I am an idiot. I feel like such an idiot. It was really awkward. I left.

It's okay Ptak. You aren't an idiot though I understand your discomfort after sharing some information. Awkwardness is part of the human condition. Embarrassment too at times. Doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. I think it was wise and healthy for you to post about it. I recently read a psych article about embarrassment. It was suggested that acknowledging the details directly can really help to take the edge off it....as opposed to burying it. So perhaps, opening up on PC will help? Is there someone in your offline world you could share the story with?

I'm very sorry you've been having med difficulties etc. That can be very painful or even frightening. I hope you find the comfort and peace you seek very soon.

I also understand your desire to share about the depression and not keep it hush hush. I just think you are in a very vulnerable place currently, so maybe this just isn't the right timing for you to open up about it? Idk. That's entirely up to you.

I don't judge you at all for the story you shared. I think you are doing your level best in life and that's impressive. Particularly given that you went out and interacted even though you're very depressed. Not easy to do at all. Give yourself credit

I keep coming back to these two. Really comforting when I feel badly about something. I hope they bring you some solace....

"I am vulnerable" guided meditation

"I am hopeful" guided meditation

Thanks SilverTrees.

I am feeling better since time has passed.
I do not regret not going to church. it may not be the right place for me right now. I will continue w meditation for now.

I called my counselor. I'm going to make an appt w a pdoc.

Ptak

Originally Posted by Ptak

Thanks SilverTrees.

I am feeling better since time has passed.
I do not regret not going to church. it may not be the right place for me right now. I will continue w meditation for now.

I called my counselor. I'm going to make an appt w a pdoc.

Ptak

That all sounds great. Take good care of yourself

[saidso]

Awkwardness is part of the human condition. Embarrassment too at times. It always feels like "only me" but totally agree with it being human, and survivable! Hugs!

[TishaBuv]

I’ve had similar reactions when going on or off ADs. Maybe the meds had something to do with your emotions here. I’m glad you are feeling better now.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I’ve had similar reactions when going on or off ADs. Maybe the meds had something to do with your emotions here. I’m glad you are feeling better now.

Yeah I think the lack of meds is completely affecting the way I feel. Thanks.