Quick question: Suppose you were feeling very sad, grieving a loss or something along those lines, and looking for emotional comfort. Not logical, problem solving support, but comfort. A shoulder to cry on, if you will. Would you rather have inauthentic comfort than none at all? Does it even matter how the other person responds, or are you simply wanting to be heard?

I'll elaborate on the specific situation soon, but this came up rather abruptly, and I have to go to work.

What an interesting Q. Thanks Theoretical. I would personally choose zero support rather than inauthentic efforts. It would not be comforting if I didn't feel that the other person truly cared. But that's just me. Each individual would likely feel differently about that. I know lots of humans choose inauthentic relationships over no relationship at all so I assume a lot of people would rather have inauthentic comfort as opposed to none. Hope this helps!

[divine1966]

No I am not interested in inauthentic comfort. I am capable of comforting myself if authentic support isn’t available (and if I feel I need comforting from others as often I don’t). I rarely if ever seek comfort from strangers (I sometimes do of course like on PC but that’s infrequent), I seek comfort from people I am close to (my always supportive husband, my daughter, my brother, and my closest friends) so I can’t imagine them being inauthentic with me.

When you have time I’d like to hear more of the story.

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

I would personally choose zero support rather than inauthentic efforts. It would not be comforting if I didn't feel that the other person truly cared.

Originally Posted by divine1966

No I am not interested in inauthentic comfort.

Well, damn...

Anyway, my dilemma is this - My mom called me yesterday about 30 minutes before I had to leave for work to tell me that my cousins' father had recently passed away. Like 2 hours prior "recently." Even though I had only met their dad a few times (he divorced and moved to a different state), they were still pretty close to him, especially during the last few years when he was in poor health. And since my cousins and I had been really close growing up, Mom asked me to call and console them.

This isn't the only incident either. In just the past few months, I've been on the receiving end of someone seeking emotional support for various reasons: break-ups, family deaths, cheating spouses, existential crises, etc. Why does everyone always come to me?

For those of you who haven't read my previous threads, I'm working on being more honest with others, but that's kind of difficult when people come looking for emotional support, and I have no idea how to handle their emotions. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a **** to people. It isn't like I'm mocking them behind their back while they're crying their eyes out on my shoulder or anything. I just don't really know what they want or how to give it to them.

Other than to fake emotions, which y'all don't seem to want, so... What do I do?

I understand you Theoretical. Here are a few thoughts.

An effort to comfort someone (or do anything for another person) should be freely chosen by you rather than coerced or pressured or requested by someone else such as your mother. She's actually overstepping there. How you relate to your cousin after a death or anyone in any situation is entirely up to you.

So the question is, do you have a desire to call up your cousin and try to comfort him/her.....regardless of what your mother wants?

All that matters is what YOU want to do. Assuming you are not a parent, your only responsibility is to yourself. Other people need to figure out their own lives. If you had a spontaneous desire to help someone else, that's great. If not, no problem...don't do it.

Does that make sense?

Nothing wrong with simply sending a sympathy card...shows respect and care. If you want to. Doesn't have to be a phone call.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by theoretical

Well, damn...

Anyway, my dilemma is this - My mom called me yesterday about 30 minutes before I had to leave for work to tell me that my cousins' father had recently passed away. Like 2 hours prior "recently." Even though I had only met their dad a few times (he divorced and moved to a different state), they were still pretty close to him, especially during the last few years when he was in poor health. And since my cousins and I had been really close growing up, Mom asked me to call and console them.

This isn't the only incident either. In just the past few months, I've been on the receiving end of someone seeking emotional support for various reasons: break-ups, family deaths, cheating spouses, existential crises, etc. Why does everyone always come to me?

For those of you who haven't read my previous threads, I'm working on being more honest with others, but that's kind of difficult when people come looking for emotional support, and I have no idea how to handle their emotions. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a **** to people. It isn't like I'm mocking them behind their back while they're crying their eyes out on my shoulder or anything. I just don't really know what they want or how to give it to them.

Other than to fake emotions, which y'all don't seem to want, so... What do I do?

Well I am probably wrong person to ask as i enjoy helping others and I do make a difference, but I am rarely if ever in need of emotional support myself. Crying on other’s shoulders or having my hand held not my style (with some extreme emergency exceptions of course). I am the one people go
for help to, not the other way around.

Saying that if I ever benefit from help it’s with particular practical solutions. For example my brother and I are dealing with our father acting bizarre at the moment. We help each other with specific suggestions how to handle him and we exchange notes. It’s very helpful for both of us as we are learning which strategies work better. We also find some useful resources for each other. Moping wouldn’t be helpful. Like for example when I was figuring how to get out of debt I like practical financial strategies. “Poor you” isn’t helpful for me. When my son in law unexpectedly died friends cook meals so we can just be with our daughter and don’t have to cook. That’s the kind of help that makes a difference. Cards or flowers or empty words not so much

Have you tried offering practical solutions or practical help (cook the meal for someone suffering or buy them something to ease their every day tasks)? Or people certainly don’t want that? They just want your shoulder to cry on?

I was thinking Theoretical that in a crisis, what comforts one person could be very different than for someone else. That's why we here on PC could not determine that for you or your cousin. Some folks benefit from a silent hug, for others it's acts of service, others need to share their truth....research supports that as helpful with healing but there will always be people who bury their feelings and don't want to share....as is their right.

Am I making this sound more and more complicated? Haha! It is. Although there are a lot of reductive statements thrown around in society about humanity, we are a complex and mucky bunch. We don't all like or appreciate the same efforts. Ever heard of the Five Love Languages? I have a couple of male friends who rolled their eyes when I mentioned it and yet one came to me several months later and said it helped him to relate better to his wife. Her love language is different from his....very common in relationships. You can look it up. There's even a quiz.

Basically, the way in which each individual feels appreciated varies a great deal. What works for one may not comfort another. If someone tries to give you an absolute or a formula on how to help others, they are really just giving you their own bias.

The Five Love Languages
5 Love Language Profiles - The 5 Love Languages(R)

You may or may not find this interesting Theoretical. For example, I wonder what it would indicate if your mother took it? Or the person who keeps coming to you for support? What would it indicate if you took it?

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

An effort to comfort someone (or do anything for another person) should be freely chosen by you rather than coerced or pressured or requested by someone else such as your mother. She's actually overstepping there. How you relate to your cousin after a death or anyone in any situation is entirely up to you.

So the question is, do you have a desire to call up your cousin and try to comfort him/her.....regardless of what your mother wants?

She probably was overstepping, and I don't really know for certain my mother's intentions because I didn't ask. But, if I had to guess, I think she told me to call them because she knows how I react to these kinds of situations, and this was her way of saying, "this is the socially acceptable way to handle this." Either way, I was put in a position where I needed to console someone, and not doing so would strain my relationship with them.

Even if my mom hadn't outright asked me then, I still would've been expected to call because of social etiquette or whatever. (I should make it clear that my cousins and I practically grew up together - they were more my siblings than my actual siblings - so it would be considered extremely callous of me to not at least call them.)

I get what you're saying, and in a perfect world, people would understand that I'm just not the shoulder you want to cry on, not if you want genuine comfort. Have a problem and want a solution? Sure, come to me. I love solving problems. But when people are grieving and looking for emotional support, it's kind of hard to explain to them that I have the emotional depth of a potato chip and ask them to understand my complete lack of emotion. They're expecting me to respond a certain way, and if I fail to do that, it may irreparably damage our relationship.

Originally Posted by divine1966

When my son in law unexpectedly died friends cook meals so we can just be with our daughter and don’t have to cook. That’s the kind of help that makes a difference. Cards or flowers or empty words not so much

Have you tried offering practical solutions or practical help (cook the meal for someone suffering or buy them something to ease their every day tasks)? Or people certainly don’t want that? They just want your shoulder to cry on?

Yeah, I'm all for practical solutions. I can handle that, or at least make an effort. Offering food is my usual go-to with things like grieving, and it's usually fine. I can understand logically that they're struggling and that it would be kind of me to offer help. It's the whole lack of emotion thing that really gets me.

I don't think I'm being clear when I say "emotional comfort." Even if I were to offer food or help with everyday tasks as my way of supporting them, I think people still look for some sort of emotional response, and I think they become unnerved if they don't find it. It's a bit similar to emergency situations, though not quite as noticeable. Suppose you and a close friend of yours were to come upon a horrific, fatal car accident, and your friend didn't have any emotional reaction at all. It doesn't really matter if the friend is being helpful, trying to save anyone who might still be alive, calling the ambulance, stopping traffic, whatever. It's still scary that they're reacting to a horrific accident with about as much emotion as they would have in a board meeting.

I don't know if I'll be able to articulate this properly. It's just one of those things that's a completely different experience for me than it is for normal people.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand what you mean! You certainly can't "force" emotions that you're not truly feeling so I think it's unfair of others to expect that reaction out of you! Are the others aware of this fact? I guess they aren't otherwise it may be less difficult to you! Either way, I'd suggest to just "be yourself" when you talk to them like the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely sad better than I ever could! Try to listen to them, offer any advice that you can, and if they complain about your lack of emotions, perhaps in that case it may be best to just be honest with them and tell them that you're not really able to show emotions but that doesn't mean that you don't care! I'm not sure if that may work for you, but perhaps it's worth giving it a try. Also just because we in this thread are not really fond of inauthentic comfort that doesn't mean that everyone will think the same! Perhaps some people do prefer that to having no reaction. Of course you know your own family much better than we do so that's up to you! Let us know how it goes! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, theoretical!

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

The Five Love Languages
5 Love Language Profiles - The 5 Love Languages(R)

What would it indicate if you took it?

The results:
10 Physical Touch
9 Acts of Service
5 Receiving Gifts
4 Quality Time
2 Words of Affirmation

It's inconclusive. These sorts of tests don't account for my personality type, and maybe my explanation here will illustrate the depths of my inhumanity.

A few examples:
ItÂ’s more meaningful to me whenÂ…
-someone I love gives me a little gift as a token of our love of concern for each other.
-I get to spend uninterrupted leisure time with those I love.

ItÂ’s more meaningful to me whenÂ…
-someone I love puts their arm around me in public.
-someone I love surprises me with a gift.

These things aren't meaningful to me. There was only one option where I could answer honestly, which was: "someone I love takes the time to listen to me and understand my feelings." I would like to be understood, but otherwise I don't feel any sort of deep connection.

If I do ever get a lifelong mate, I think he'd be a psychopath.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I understand what you mean! You certainly can't "force" emotions that you're not truly feeling so I think it's unfair of others to expect that reaction out of you! Are the others aware of this fact?

I'm understood!

I think they have their suspicions, but I don't think they realize the extent of it. I'll try being more honest about my lack of feelings with people. Actually, I'm hanging out with a friend later, and she's probably going to vent about her ex-boyfriend. It'll be an exciting experiment.

Originally Posted by theoretical

The results:
10 Physical Touch
9 Acts of Service
5 Receiving Gifts
4 Quality Time
2 Words of Affirmation

It's inconclusive. These sorts of tests don't account for my personality type, and maybe my explanation here will illustrate the depths of my inhumanity.

A few examples:
ItÂ’s more meaningful to me whenÂ…
-someone I love gives me a little gift as a token of our love of concern for each other.
-I get to spend uninterrupted leisure time with those I love.

ItÂ’s more meaningful to me whenÂ…
-someone I love puts their arm around me in public.
-someone I love surprises me with a gift.

These things aren't meaningful to me. There was only one option where I could answer honestly, which was: "someone I love takes the time to listen to me and understand my feelings." I would like to be understood, but otherwise I don't feel any sort of deep connection.

If I do ever get a lifelong mate, I think he'd be a psychopath.


I'm understood!

I think they have their suspicions, but I don't think they realize the extent of it. I'll try being more honest about my lack of feelings with people. Actually, I'm hanging out with a friend later, and she's probably going to vent about her ex-boyfriend. It'll be an exciting experiment.

Don't worry about the Love Languages Theoretical. I can see why that's not helpful for you. I mentioned it to demonstrate how different people can feel appreciated. But it won't be meaningful to everyone and that's okay.

With regard to being honest about your lack of feelings with people in the offline world, I'm not too sure I'd recommend that. You could certainly try and let us know what happens but I have a feeling that may go badly for you.

I did read that psychopaths tend to partner with other psychopaths. That makes sense to me. Just consider how many humans, living without psychopathy, are going to respond well to a breakdown of what they feels/doesn't feel like. Just a gentle caution for you. You must of course do what feels right to you. Best wishes!

[divine1966]

I see now that they expect you to demonstrate emotional response despite the fact that you don’t really feel those emotions and can’t authentically demonstrate emotional response. I’d say I am surprised that people in your real life kind of lack insight here. You said they keep seeking emotional support from you even though by now they should have noticed that you don’t particularly feel those emotions? Do they not realize it? I find it curious.

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

You could certainly try and let us know what happens but I have a feeling that may go badly for you.

Probably. Good thing I'm impulsive and heedless to danger. What's the worst that could happen?

Originally Posted by divine1966

I’d say I am surprised that people in your real life kind of lack insight here.

Don't blame them. If you met me as a stranger in real life, you probably wouldn't think anything was amiss either.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by theoretical

Probably. Good thing I'm impulsive and heedless to danger. What's the worst that could happen?


Don't blame them. If you met me as a stranger in real life, you probably wouldn't think anything was amiss either.

Interesting. Have you ever shared with people your lack of emotional reaction? I suspect it wouldn’t be an easy thing to share.

I wonder since people don’t know something is off with you, you likely treat people in a decent manner? You aren’t unkind to others in your actions? If that’s the case, it’s more than many others have to offer. I’ve met people who don’t lack emotions but certainly lack decency and are treating others in a most manipulative passive aggressive or openly evil manner. I’d probably prefer lack of emotions than lack of decent behavior.

Originally Posted by theoretical

Probably. Good thing I'm impulsive and heedless to danger. What's the worst that could happen?


Don't blame them. If you met me as a stranger in real life, you probably wouldn't think anything was amiss either.

It is an interesting conundrum Theoretical. In another post you mentioned having to move every couple of years when people start to wonder. I suppose I worry for you that sharing your lack of feeling with a friend may trigger situations leading to a need for another move. Idk. Though I also understand your desire to open up and just be entirely yourself with someone. I don't really know what to recommend here honestly but I'm happy to read your thoughts. I suppose a question I have is what would be the goal....if you tell someone how you really feel/don't feel...what's your objective? To feel truly known? Something else?

I worry for you but perhaps I'm just being an ol' mother hen?? Cluck! Cluck!

Originally Posted by divine1966

Interesting. Have you ever shared with people your lack of emotional reaction? I suspect it wouldn’t be an easy thing to share.

I wonder since people don’t know something is off with you, you likely treat people in a decent manner? You aren’t unkind to others in your actions?

I've only told my therapists anything in depth. However, I have "dropped the friendly act" with people briefly if they test my patience. It's an excellent trait to have in handy when you're cornered in a parking lot by a vaguely predatory guy who's taking your "kindness" way too far and trying to guilt trip you into giving him your phone number. In retrospect, it's probably saved me more than once.

For the most part, though, I come off as very kind. And it's mostly genuine. I really don't mind helping people, and I enjoy chatting with nearly anyone. However, when I start getting closer to people and letting my guard down a little, they quickly notice that I'm a lot colder than I appear at first glance.

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

It is an interesting conundrum Theoretical. In another post you mentioned having to move every couple of years when people start to wonder. I suppose I worry for you that sharing your lack of feeling with a friend may trigger situations leading to a need for another move. Idk. Though I also understand your desire to open up and just be entirely yourself with someone. I don't really know what to recommend here honestly but I'm happy to read your thoughts. I suppose a question I have is what would be the goal....if you tell someone how you really feel/don't feel...what's your objective? To feel truly known? Something else?

I worry for you but perhaps I'm just being an ol' mother hen?? Cluck! Cluck!

I'm going to move soon regardless, mostly for better career opportunities. The thing is - This friend in question wants to apply at the same location and be roommates with me so that we can save on rent, which is really high in that area for one-bedroom apartments. I've had roommates before, and yes, they did notice that I was a bit cold, though they didn't realize the extent of it. I'm not so sure about this potential roommate, and I don't want her to realize that fact a month into a yearlong lease, especially considering that she won't have any other emotional support nearby (neither of us have friends or family there).

If she is bothered by it, we're both moving anyway, so it isn't going to be a huge risk.

Okay, so...... I tried.

My friend came over last night and unloaded her emotional baggage on my couch. I'm starting to get the impression that she's treating these chit-chats with me as therapy sessions, which is odd. I may start a separate thread on that, because I've got a feeling it'll be an ongoing thing.

So Amy, the friend, has been developing feelings for Ben, a co-worker of ours who's been going through a rather messy divorce. Like, his soon-to-be-ex-wife physically attacked him with a weapon "messy." Ben also has feelings for Amy, and now he wants to follow her to pursue a relationship where he's actually happy. Which is great for me, because then she'll have a source of emotional support that isn't me. Amy, on the other hand, has been in a panic over the whole thing, and has been venting to me because she doesn't know what else to do about it. Which, sure, lay it on me.

After she'd finished venting, she told me that she wished I could be as open with her as she is with me. So here's my cue, right? Time to come clean. I tried to tell her somewhat gently because she's already got a lot on her plate, and her finding out she's just confessed some of her deepest fears to a psychopath probably wouldn't go over well. So I just tell her like, "I don't really get emotions, you know?"

She nods fervently, tells me she "gets it." I'm just not a very open person, and she needs to teach me how to open up. She doesn't get it, but she won't hear otherwise, so.... Yeah.

Originally Posted by theoretical

Okay, so...... I tried.

My friend came over last night and unloaded her emotional baggage on my couch. I'm starting to get the impression that she's treating these chit-chats with me as therapy sessions, which is odd. I may start a separate thread on that, because I've got a feeling it'll be an ongoing thing.

So Amy, the friend, has been developing feelings for Ben, a co-worker of ours who's been going through a rather messy divorce. Like, his soon-to-be-ex-wife physically attacked him with a weapon "messy." Ben also has feelings for Amy, and now he wants to follow her to pursue a relationship where he's actually happy. Which is great for me, because then she'll have a source of emotional support that isn't me. Amy, on the other hand, has been in a panic over the whole thing, and has been venting to me because she doesn't know what else to do about it. Which, sure, lay it on me.

After she'd finished venting, she told me that she wished I could be as open with her as she is with me. So here's my cue, right? Time to come clean. I tried to tell her somewhat gently because she's already got a lot on her plate, and her finding out she's just confessed some of her deepest fears to a psychopath probably wouldn't go over well. So I just tell her like, "I don't really get emotions, you know?"

She nods fervently, tells me she "gets it." I'm just not a very open person, and she needs to teach me how to open up. She doesn't get it, but she won't hear otherwise, so.... Yeah.

Well, you took a shot! Haha!

Re: Amy and Ben.
Bad idea. He needs to get some therapy and finish his divorce and heal before launching into another relationship. If she gets involved with him now, she'll likely wind up feeling miserable. So will he.

Re: Amy and you
She needs to find herself a therapist and stop using you as her quasi-therapist. That's not healthy for her or for you. I've had this dynamic with a lot of friends...I get tired of it and then end the friendship....because it's not true friendship when you start to feel like someone's shrink. Plus it's typically a very one-sided dynamic.

Is she the one you might move in with? I don't think that's a great idea. She sounds really needy and will probably drive you up the wall. Or I should say, she'd drive me up the wall eventually if I lived with her. I also have a hunch (though of course I don't know her) that she enjoys a bit of drama in her life....drama queens are exhausting.

Just my thoughts. As always, you can take 'em or leave 'em. Thank you for sharing, Theoretical.

[Iloivar]

Yeah, suggesting she find a therapist for her issues benefits both you and her.

One thing you could try if you're in situations where the opportunity arises, is to simply confess your limited emotional capacity, among other things, so whatever is needed given the context. Essentially, describing your psychopathy or aspects of it without telling them you are one. I'd imagine many people have preconceived notions of psychopathy. Serial killer, sadistic, inherently evil, criminal, all that jazz. If they then inquire about psychopathy, i'd also confess at the moment, and try to dispel any myths should they demonstrate ignorance.

Also, how exhausting is putting on an "emotional facade"? Enough for you to make this thread I suppose? I only ask because for some self proclaimed psychopaths, they consider it exhausting mimicing emotions they minimally have or dont have at all. While others say it's almost effortless because they've done it virtually all their life. Just in case you happen to be the latter, i don't think necessarily continuing to give "inauthentic" support is a negative. Sure, you may not be genuine in how you feel about what you're saying, or how you feel helping the person, but the content of what you say can still have the same impact. Only if someone has a hunch that you're "off" emotionally is when it doesn't, and how many have you thought were able to see through your facade? Not many, im guessing?

[Open Eyes]

theoretical, if people tend to come to you to vent, you don't have to feel their feelings. What they are using you for is a sounding board they can vent their emotional build up with.

If you get a physical injury you can feel physical pain right? You would be able to at least groan with physical pain right?

Agreed on all counts, and...

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

Is she the one you might move in with?

Yes. Well, it's more like I'm going to X location regardless of what anyone else does, and a couple of other people are now wanting to go to X as well for their own reasons. She pitched the idea that we should rent a place together to save money.

Nearly all of my relationships have been very one-sided, probably as a result of the huge difference in emotional depth between us. Normal people need emotional support from time to time, whereas I don't. Anyone I live with for an extended period of time will start to realize that. On the flip side, I also don't get affected much at all by other people's emotional baggage.

You're right, though, that this is excessive drama. I'd like to say that it's because of extreme circumstances, but that doesn't ring true. And even if I don't get affected by it emotionally, that doesn't mean it won't come back to bite me in the *** some other way.

I don't mind listening to her issues or offering advice where it's appropriate. But if she expects any depth of feeling or keeps trying to get me to "open up," we're gonna have some problems. How do I tell her that?

Originally Posted by Iloivar

Yeah, suggesting she find a therapist for her issues benefits both you and her.

I've suggested it. She can't afford one.

One thing you could try if you're in situations where the opportunity arises, is to simply confess your limited emotional capacity, among other things, so whatever is needed given the context. Essentially, describing your psychopathy or aspects of it without telling them you are one.

Yeah, that's the approach I'm going to try. Ease 'em into it. But like I said, I don't think she understands what that means. She interpreted it as: "You have emotions, but are unable to express them. I must teach you to express yourself!" Is it really a difficult notion for people to get?

I'd imagine many people have preconceived notions of psychopathy. Serial killer, sadistic, inherently evil, criminal, all that jazz.

Definitely. Another co-worker jokingly said that so-and-so probably had a spotless apartment with everything always in perfect order, "like a psychopath." Where do people even get these ideas? A different co-worker claimed to be a psychopath when he clearly isn't.

Also, how exhausting is putting on an "emotional facade"? Enough for you to make this thread I suppose?

Normal day-to-day stuff is effortless - like I mentioned earlier, it's basically an unconscious reaction anymore, even if there's no real emotion behind it - but excessive emotions, such as consoling someone who's grieving or expressing a deep, romantic connection, requires a lot of effort. It's the main reason I avoid close relationships, especially romantic relationships. I can't keep it up longterm, especially not if I'm living with the person and they expect it everyday.

...how many have you thought were able to see through your facade? Not many, im guessing?

Meh, it depends on what you mean. Most people who are close to me know that I'm pretty cold, but I don't think they realize quite how cold. I'm still friendly and helpful. It's only in rather extreme situations where they'll notice that I'm not very emotional. It's shocked a few people, but they've never talked with me about it since then, so I don't know what they make of it.

Acquaintances usually tell me that I'm very kind and a good person, always eager to help, etc.

Predatory types will get to see exactly how cold I can be, but that isn't because they saw through the mask, it's because I removed it.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

theoretical, if people tend to come to you to vent, you don't have to feel their feelings. What they are using you for is a sounding board they can vent their emotional build up with.

If you get a physical injury you can feel physical pain right? You would be able to at least groan with physical pain right?

Yeah, pretty much. I was going to compare it to the emotional equivalent of wailing on a punching bag to release anger. But I will give advice back, whether they want it or not, so it's not the best analogy. I kind of see it like problem solving.

[Open Eyes]

Ok, so you feel physical pain and you feel anger is that correct?

But if she expects any depth of feeling or keeps trying to get me to "open up," we're gonna have some problems. How do I tell her that?

Good question. I'd go low-key and minimalist. If she brings it up again, you can say something simple like: "I'm good. This is just me being me. That's all."
If she pushes again... "As I said before, that's not something I need to do. I'm not going to discuss this further."
If she continues to push, she has revealed herself as someone who does not respect boundaries. I would step back at that point.

If she enjoys drama, perhaps she'll grow bored of your lack of "opening up?" How long have you known her? Think of the man she's currently drawn to....messy divorce, technically still married. Perhaps she is hoping you will "open up" to provide her with some gossip and excitement?