[seesaw]

I just want to pull out a gem that @LilyMop said yesterday that I thought was totally right on and a great positive counteracting thought when we have negative thoughts intruding in our heads or people giving us criticism about our mental health.

It was along the lines of "if you wouldn't take advice from them then why would you take their criticism?"

It aligns with what I've said often "always consider the source."

Who is giving us this negative feedback? Should they be trusted? For example, the critic in my head is my abusive biological father. And not always just in my head either - although I haven't had direct communication with him in a full year, and only then because my uncle had passed away. So, in my case, why would I, for one second, give anything my abusive, monster of a father any credibility in any comment regarding me or my life?

I've gotten a lot better about silencing his voice. But I thought Lilymop's comment on another thread deserved to be featured as a great positive coping thought.

The next time someone says something that upsets me, I will ask myself "would I even consider this person's advice or opinion?" I think it's likely that their advice or opinions, and therefore criticism, would be totally irrelevant to me, and easier to shake off.

Seesaw

[Anxiety Princess]

Thanks, seesaw and LilyMop! This is a good point. Unfortunately it's hard to remember when you are and have no choice but to be around the person/people criticizing you on a regular basis. I'm just going to have to work harder to remember this when it's needed in those instances!

[unaluna]

Yeah. In my case, i think it was the intermittant reinforcement? We probably seemed at times to be getting our separate points across to each other - neither of us wanted to accept or believe that the other was such an idiot! - and that kept us sucked in and coming back for more, the promise of finally succeeding at convincing them, at turning them away from the dark side, to our light. Unfortunately they were thinking exactly the same thing.

But nevertheless, a very good point.

[LilyMop]

@seesaw

Thank you for posting this. I am very happy that my comment was helpful to you. Sometimes a statement or thought really sticks and it helps us out. This one does help me. I do tend to focus in on criticism more than anything else and it’s destructive to my self esteem. I try to keep it at the front of my brain that criticism is unwelcome if I wouldn’t accept that person’s advice. Sometimes it’s hard to do in the moment though. When I inevitably replay certain events in my mind I try to remind myself that person’s criticism is as worthless to me as their advice.

[LilyMop]

@seesaw

Thank you for posting this. I am very happy that my comment was helpful to you. Sometimes a statement or thought really sticks and it helps us out. This one does help me. I do tend to focus in on criticism more than anything else and it’s destructive to my self esteem. I try to keep it at the front of my brain that criticism is unwelcome if I wouldn’t accept that person’s advice. Sometimes it’s hard to do in the moment though. When I inevitably replay certain events in my mind I try to remind myself that person’s criticism is as worthless to me as their advice.

[guilloche]

Ooh, that's a really good one.

Thanks Seesaw and LilyMop for sharing it. Definitely something I'll be using! It's already helping me let go (a little) of something hurtful my mom said to me (so casually!) on Christmas! Thanks!

[Fuzzybear]

I agree. Some people's criticism is completely worthless.. consider the source.
Not easy to do sometimes ''in the moment'' or to eradicate negative garbage tapes from abusive monsters who caused trauma.

[seesaw]

I think it's especially difficult bc so many of us lack enough confidence and self esteem to know our worth more than these people whose advice and critiques are really meaningless to us. Often they are abusers who are looking to criticize us and find that button, that weak spot, to push and antagonize.